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View Full Version : Guys, Stop Being the "Nice Guy"



// / yardo
12-14-2007, 11:19 AM
I want to spark up some interesting conversation between the guys and girls here. See what everyone thinks.

I came across this while surfing and it made me think of a few friends plus my own personal mistakes with women in the past, and I thought it would be some good information to pass along.

It's a womans perspective on the often beaten down "Nice Guy."

It's a little harsh but so are the things that guys put themselves through when being nice guys. All I have to say to that is, "STOP." Quit being such a pu$$y and don't be "nice" to women. You falling all over yourself over a woman that barely knows you is not attractive.

I went through this earlier this year and didn't even realize it. I met a very attractive girl, took her out one time and then put her on that freakin pedestal. We had an awesome time and got along really well but my mistakes are explained in this column.

She quickly backed out and I was no longer an intimate interest to her. Confused at first it wasn't until afterwards I realized how I went about the situation the wrong way.

The misconceived notion is that women want A-holes and as that may seem true it's not always the case. It's the confidence a-holes exude that becomes attractive. It's the, "I don't need you or have to have you" attitude. If a girl senses a guy is falling all over himself for her she's going to wonder why especially if they barely know each other. It makes you look desperate and/or needy.

Stop being that guy. Enjoy the read...

Why "Nice Guys" are often such LOSERS

You hear it all the time: "He was such a NICE Guy, and she's such a Heartless ****** for dumping him."

I get letters from self-professed Nice Guys, complaining that women must WANT to be treated like crap, because THEY, the "Nice Guy" have failed repeatedly in relationships. This is akin to the false logic that "Whales are mammals. Whales live in the sea. Therefore, all mammals live in the sea."

If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it.

What's wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys (tm) are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually paid some kind of attention to him.

Nice Guys exude insecurity -- a big red target for the predators of the world. There are women out there who are "users" -- just looking for a sucker to take advantage of. Users home-in on "Nice Guys", stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts, and move on. It's no wonder so many Nice Guys complain about women being horrible, when the so often the kind of woman that gets attracted to them is the lowest form of life...

Self-confident, caring, decent-hearted women find "Nice Guys" to be too clingy, self-abasing, and insecure.

Nice Guys go overboard. They bring roses to a "lets get together for coffee" date. They try to buy her affections with presents and fancy things. They think they know about romance, but their timing is all wrong, and they either come-on too strong, too hard and too fast, OR, they are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be "friends", in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a "date".

They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be -- not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them.

They cling to her, and want to be "one" with her for fear that if she is out of sight, she may disappear or become attracted to someone else. A Nice Guy often has trouble with emotional intimacy, because he believes that if she learns about the REAL person inside, she will no longer love him.

Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it's being equitable, but it puts an unfair burden of responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one.

Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is they want, need and expect. They fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead of comprimising and negotiating, they repeatedly "give in". When she doesn't appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, "Everything I did, I did for her.", as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn't want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner.

Nice Guys think that they will never meet anyone as special as she is. They use their adoration as a foundation for claiming that "no one will ever love her as much as I do." Instead of being a profound statement of their devotion, this is a subtle, but nasty insult. It is akin to saying to her: "You are a difficult person, and only *I* can ever truly love you, so be thankful I'm here."

The nice guy -needs- to believe that he is the best person for the object of his desires, because otherwise his insecurities will overrun him with jealousies and fear. The truth of the matter is that there are many people out there who can be a good match for her. We rarely stop loving people we truly care about. Even if we no longer continue the relationship, the feelings will continue... But love isn't mutually exclusive. We can (and do) love many people in our lives, and romantic love is really no different. Though he may love her immensely, there will likely be other people who have loved her just as much in her past, and will love her just as much in the future. The irony of it all is: "Who would want to go out with someone who was inherintly unlovable anyways?"

More than loving the woman in his life, a Nice Guy NEEDS her. "She is my Life, my only source of happiness..." YECH! What kind of a burden is that to place on her? That SHE has to be responsible for YOUR happiness? Get a grip!

Another mistake Nice Guys make is to go after "hard luck" cases. They deliberately pick women with neuroses, problems, and personality disorders, because Nice Guys are "helpers". A Nice Guy thinks that by "helping" this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person. He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice. He is usually disappointed by the results.

This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys don't like themselves. Is it any wonder women don't like them? In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. Too often Nice Guys mistake obsession for "love".

Get this Guys: INSECURITY ISN'T SEXY. IT'S A TURNOFF.

You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with whom a long-term relationship is possible.

Edit: The link to the article is filtered out because of the language filter. If you guys want to read the original article drop me a PM.

CinnaMunMun
12-14-2007, 11:29 AM
Kind of generalizing and pessimistic about being a nice guy. :eek:

I do agree that self confidence is a nice thing though.


FYI though: A recent study (I can't remember where) found that women will typically date the macho man asswipe. However, they have a much greater chance of marrying the small nice guy.

Moral: You want a booty call, push a nerd in a puddle. You want the ring, bring a flower.

Fred the Bunny
12-14-2007, 11:33 AM
I'm dating a nice guy.

Who used to be in the friend zone.

Best move I ever made.

BaileyTheBest
12-14-2007, 11:46 AM
Looks like yardo's been dissed and dismissed. I have seen though that the nicer guys usually have much longer relationships than a-holes. Whoever wrote that article is a very bitter person.

Fred the Bunny
12-14-2007, 11:48 AM
Looks like yardo's been dissed and dismissed. I have seen though that the nicer guys usually have much longer relationships than a-holes. Whoever wrote that article is a very bitter person.

I agree. Girls who like jerks are girls with self-hate issues.

lilsstinkr
12-14-2007, 11:56 AM
I have dated both types and everything in between. I will say there are women who do the same thing.........Did it once myself.....ugggggg:brick:

I took time away and found myself again. Then my husband found me.....I think it all has to do with who fits who best. IMO the last part of that article almost hit it on the head. Know who your are and when you find some one you like, keep being that person........

// / yardo
12-14-2007, 12:37 PM
Looks like yardo's been dissed and dismissed. I have seen though that the nicer guys usually have much longer relationships than a-holes. Whoever wrote that article is a very bitter person.

Who hasn't been dissed or dismissed. I've been on all sides of the story. That's not really the point.

This isn't about being bitter or an a-hole to women. It's about those guys you see that completely fall all over themselves to impress a girl. I mean, I think a lot, if not most men have been that guy one time or another and it's usually the "Nice Guys" that turn into the A-holes.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying don't be respectful. There's a difference. I can respect a woman without constantly calling her and asking her what she's doing, buying her gifts and being pathetically codependent.

// / yardo
12-14-2007, 12:43 PM
I agree. Girls who like jerks are girls with self-hate issues.

I don't think that's always true. There are girls that have confidence issues. Doesn't necessarily mean they hate themselves.

It's when they find out their boyfriend is a complete jerk, doesn't leave him and makes excuses for his pathetic a$$. That's self-hate. Those women need help. I know a few of them.

Bronco_Armada
12-14-2007, 12:55 PM
Cooking. Cooking is the answer. Wana a girl? learn to cook.

Cooking is how I kept mine. :smug:

Women love when you cook (from the dozens that have told me) (note: I did not go out with dozens of women, just 1)


and for some reason all of them love chocolate chip waffles. :confused:

dandaman23
12-14-2007, 11:22 PM
I'm a nice guy.. But I'm not one of those nice guys that do everything for some girl they just met.. I am a very confident nice guy, and I do not need to be an a hole to get a girl.. I have never been an a hole to a girl, or seemed like I didnt need her and I have never had problems with the ladies.. True, there are some girls out there that only like the bad ass type guys.. But those are the girls that most of the time have been with many guys, and cant keep a relationship longer than maybe a couple months.. And I guess if your just into hittin it and quittin it, then be an a hole.. But you dont need to be an a hole to get a girl.. Thats a totally untrue statement..

aberdien
12-14-2007, 11:49 PM
Some of it is true.

I like to think i'm a nice guy. When I flirt I tease and what not, but when i'm in a relationship I tend to stray away from the teasing and flirting, which is probably my downfall. I think i'm beginning to understand how to be a good boyfriend now though haha.

Superchop7
12-16-2007, 05:06 AM
Have confidence

Have a sense of humor

Let God sort em out.