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In Response To The Strip Club Thread --> Man Laws

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  • In Response To The Strip Club Thread --> Man Laws

    Rules from The International Council of Manlaws, Ltd.

    1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

    2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
    (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
    (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
    (c) After wrecking your boss's car.
    (d) When she is using her teeth.

    3. Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed
    and eaten by his buddies.

    4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of
    jail within 12 hours.

    5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits
    forever unless you actually marry her.


    6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden.
    However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

    7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.

    8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
    weakest.

    9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask
    the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

    10. You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to
    climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of fart
    entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

    11. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
    sunning on a tropical beach ... And it's delivered by a topless model and
    only when it's free.

    12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to
    kick another guy in the nuts.

    13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

    14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.


    15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

    16. Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies
    until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as
    much as the other sports watchers.

    17. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain
    sober enough to fight.

    18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza,
    but not both, that's just greedy.

    19. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about
    his choice of beer.

    20. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,
    except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

    21. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
    A) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
    B) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
    C) Another set and we can hit the showers!

    22. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing
    (I.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc.). For all other
    situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

    23. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than
    you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up
    if necessary.

    24. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have
    carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is
    no reason for you not to nail each other again before the
    discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

    25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her
    to drive yours.

    26. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,
    orange or sky blue.

    27. The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?'
    with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox. End of
    story.

    28. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics.
    Ever.

    29. We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really
    know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the
    definition of each is listed below:

    'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
    assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, 'Are you
    still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?'

    'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of
    perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and
    having the balls to say, 'You're next Fatty!'

    We hope this clears up any confusion!
    :usa: *** God Bless Our Military Men And Women*** :usa:

    sigpic

  • #2
    Great stuff.
    Thanks, Reid!
    sigpic
    Click on my sig to read JetRazor's and my story. Or PM me with any questions.

    Comment


    • #3
      13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
      O_o

      When in the world would a situation like that ever come up?
      Lol.
      LET 'ER BUCK!!!
      Adopted by: Peanut, Chazoe60, CanDB, RealBronco and JakeNbake

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by LordTrychon View Post
        Great stuff.
        I know.

        But I have broken rule #25
        :usa: *** God Bless Our Military Men And Women*** :usa:

        sigpic

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Dovsinlondon2012 View Post
          O_o

          When in the world would a situation like that ever come up?
          Lol.
          I guess you never messed with anyone's live in girlfriend or wife. :hammer: <--who's your daddy, who's your daddy!! <meanwhile, from downstairs> HONEY!!!! I'm hoooommmeeee. OMG!! Oh @%@% ***!!!! lol

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Bronco Bully View Post
            I guess you never messed with anyone's live in girlfriend or wife. :hammer: <--who's your daddy, who's your daddy!! <meanwhile, from downstairs> HONEY!!!! I'm hoooommmeeee. OMG!! Oh @%@% ***!!!! lol

            Um......


            <--

            ^
            l
            l

            -->



            :usa: *** God Bless Our Military Men And Women*** :usa:

            sigpic

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by BroncoManiac_69 View Post
              I know.

              But I have broken rule #25
              I've broken that one as well as a few others...

              And I think the one about not dating a guy's sis is a bit too restrictive... wouldn't affect me greatly... but it might for my sister.
              Thanks, Reid!
              sigpic
              Click on my sig to read JetRazor's and my story. Or PM me with any questions.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by LordTrychon View Post
                I've broken that one as well as a few others...

                And I think the one about not dating a guy's sis is a bit too restrictive... wouldn't affect me greatly... but it might for my sister.
                OOOOPS!!

                This sounds complicated.
                :usa: *** God Bless Our Military Men And Women*** :usa:

                sigpic

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by BroncoManiac_69 View Post
                  OOOOPS!!

                  This sounds complicated.
                  It's never really been a problem. Love the sis.
                  Thanks, Reid!
                  sigpic
                  Click on my sig to read JetRazor's and my story. Or PM me with any questions.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by BroncoManiac_69 View Post
                    'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of
                    perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and
                    having the balls to say, 'You're next Fatty!'

                    We hope this clears up any confusion!
                    Dude, there is NO WAY I will ever say that to my wife....although it would be freakin hilarious!!!!!

                    I need a volunteer who can do it and tell us about it.
                    My 2011 adopted poster.........and and



                    Adopted by: and

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      The thing about not being allowed to own an orange car needs to be amended. I want a Dodge Challenger in classic Challenger Orange and that would definitely not be breaking any man law.


                      And here is something to go along with the last part: I once made "Mooing" sounds at my wife while she was breast feeding our son. Is that guts or balls?

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by chazoe60 View Post
                        And here is something to go along with the last part: I once made "Mooing" sounds at my wife while she was breast feeding our son. Is that guts or balls?
                        That's called lucky to still be alive!


                        What about the rule that guys have to sit a seat apart in the movie theater when they're with other guys?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by KatieElway7 View Post
                          That's called lucky to still be alive!


                          What about the rule that guys have to sit a seat apart in the movie theater when they're with other guys?
                          Yeah for some reason my wife failed to see the humor in it.


                          As far as the movie thing goes, it's two seats apart if that movie is Brokeback Mountain.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by chazoe60 View Post
                            Yeah for some reason my wife failed to see the humor in it.


                            As far as the movie thing goes, it's two seats apart if that movie is Brokeback Mountain.
                            i think you just dont go see that movie with another guy
                            sigpic
                            -------

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by BroncoManiac_69 View Post
                              I know.

                              But I have broken rule #25
                              Me too bro!

                              My wife doesn't even ask to drive me truck. She just gets in it and goes.
                              sigpic
                              Thank you to my grandfather jetrazor for being a veteran of the armed forces!

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