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  • Jokes

    Let's start a joke chain!
    Rules: Before you write your own joke, you must rate the last person's joke. 1- bad , 5- very funny

    Here we go (this isn't very good):

    Q: Why did the blond nurse carry around a red pen?
    A: To draw blood!
    "I don't have a girlfriend, I just know a girl whod get really mad if she heard me say that."
    "I think a rotisserie is like a really morbid ferris wheel for chickens."
    "I chewed a piece of Care-free gum, but afterwords i was still worried."

    - Mitch Hedberg, 1967-2005




    - I adopted CECIL SAPP

  • #2
    HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THATS FUNNY BECAUSE BLONDES ARE DUMB!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5

    Comment


    • #3
      hahahaha...yeah that one's awesome...5

      okay um....

      So this brunette drives by this wheat field and notices that there's a blonde girl out in the middle of it trying to swim. so she pulls over and yells out the window: "YOU IDIOT! IF I COULD SWIM I'D COME OUT THERE AND KICK YOUR ASS!"
      sigpic

      DISCLAIMER: MY REVIEWS OFTEN CONTAIN SPOILERS. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

      Comment


      • #4
        That's cute........I give it a 5



        Do you know why Blonde jokes are so short?

        So Brunettes can understand them.

        Comment


        • #5
          Lol That was good... 5

          There's this island about 20 miles from the nearest coast. 3 woman are stranded on it, a brunette, a blonde and a redhead. The brunette finally decides to try and swim to shore. She begins swimming, but after 6 or 7 miles, she becomes exhausted, and drowns. The redhead decides to try, swims about 12 miles, but becomes exhausted, and drowns also. then the blonde decides to try it, at around 17miles, she begins to feel fatigued, so she swims back to the island to rest.


          If you take what I have to say seriously, then I'm embarrassed for you.

          Comment


          • #6
            thats's good, 5

            okay, so there is this magic mirror in this old house that makes you disappear when you tell a lie while looking into it.

            So, a brunette goes up to it and says, "I'm the most beutiful girl in the world!" and "POOF" she disappears.

            Next, a redhead goes up to the mirror and says, "I'm the smartest girl in the world!" and "POOF" she disappears.

            Finally, a blonde goes up to the mirror and says, "I think..." and "POOF" she disappears.
            "I don't have a girlfriend, I just know a girl whod get really mad if she heard me say that."
            "I think a rotisserie is like a really morbid ferris wheel for chickens."
            "I chewed a piece of Care-free gum, but afterwords i was still worried."

            - Mitch Hedberg, 1967-2005




            - I adopted CECIL SAPP

            Comment


            • #7
              AAAAAAAHHHHHH S**T that was funny. I wasn't expecting that.

              cinco (that's a 5)

              This from my wife, a natural blonde:

              What do you call a smart blonde?

              A golden retriever!

              Everybody's gotta elevate from the norm...

              The greatest list of music I don't own on CD :sad:
              You should check these guys out

              Comment


              • #8
                That is clever.......I give it a 5 Ok this isn't really a joke.....but here goes

                The European Union has just announced an agreement
                whereby English will be the official language of the
                European Union rather than German, which was the one
                other possibility.

                As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's
                Government has conceded that English spelling does
                actually have some small, but significant, room for
                improvement and has thus accepted a 5-year
                phase-in-plan of these improvements that will
                eventually become known as "Euro English".

                In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".
                Sertainly this will make the sivil servants jump
                with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of
                "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards
                kan have one letter less.


                In the sekond year, there will be growing publik
                enthusiasm when the troublesome "ph" will be
                replaced with "f". This will make words like
                fotograf 20 persent shorter.

                In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new
                spelling kan be expected to reach the stage where
                more komplikated changes are possible.

                Governments will enkourage the removal of double
                letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate
                speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of

                the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it
                should go away.

                By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps
                such as replasing "th"
                with "z", and "w" with "v".

                During the fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd
                from vords containing "ou" and after ziz fifz yer,
                ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no
                mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi
                tu understand ech oza.

                Ze drem of a United Urop vil finali kum tru. If zis
                mad u smil ples pas on to oza pepl.

                Zen ve vil rul ze vorld!!!!

                Comment


                • #9
                  OK I get the hint.......nobody liked it.
                  Now it's someone elses turn

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I just didn't read the whole thing.

                    So, a bunch of blondes get together for a convention to prove to the world that blondes aren't dumb. So, this guy asks for a blond to step up on stage. One comes up. He asks her, "What color is the sky?" The blonde replies, "Uh... Red!" Then the guy says, "No, I'm sorry, that's wrong." All the blonds start chanting, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!" "Okay, we'll give her another chance. What color is orange juice?" The blonde replies, "Uh... Green!" "Nope" says the guy. "Give her another chance! Cive her another chance!" "Okay, one more chance. What is 1+1? The blonde thinks for a while. Then she says, "Uh, 2?" The blonds start chanting, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"
                    "I don't have a girlfriend, I just know a girl whod get really mad if she heard me say that."
                    "I think a rotisserie is like a really morbid ferris wheel for chickens."
                    "I chewed a piece of Care-free gum, but afterwords i was still worried."

                    - Mitch Hedberg, 1967-2005




                    - I adopted CECIL SAPP

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      My thursday italian joke

                      Maria just got married, and being a traditional
                      > > Italian, she was still a virgin.
                      > >
                      > >
                      > > So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's
                      > > house, she was nervous. Her mother reassured her,
                      > > "Don't worry, Maria. Tony's a good man. Go
                      > > upstairs, and he'll take care of you!" So up the
                      > > stairs she went.
                      > >
                      > > When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt
                      > > and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs
                      > > to her mother and said, "Mama, mama, Tony's got a
                      > > big, muscular, hairy chest." "Don't worry, Maria."
                      > > said her mother. "All good men have muscular and
                      > > hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take care of you!"
                      > >
                      > > So up she went again. When she got there, Tony took
                      > > off his pants, exposing his hairy legs. Again Maria
                      > > ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Tony
                      > > took off his pants, and he's got hairy legs!" Her
                      > > mother replied, "Don't worry, Maria. All good men
                      > > have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs,
                      > > and he'll take care of you." So up she went again.
                      > > When she got there, Tony took off his socks, and
                      > > on his left foot he was missing three toes. When
                      > > Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. "Mama, Mama,
                      > > Tony's got a foot and a half!"
                      > >
                      > >
                      > > "Stay here and stir the pasta," said the mother.
                      > > "This is a job for Mama!"

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        A BLIND MAN WALKS INTO A SHOP WITH A GUIDE DOG

                        He picks the dog up and starts swinging it around his head.

                        Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out:

                        'Can I help, sir?'

                        'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
                        Last edited by bronco4life; 10-02-2003, 12:34 PM.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          A mate of mine drowned in a bowl of muesli

                          he was pulled in by a strong currant!!!!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            DO THE LAST PARAGRAPH IN A SCOTTISH ACCENT FOR FULL EFFECT

                            It is the opening debate of the 2001 World Women's Conference on the subject of female assertiveness.

                            The first speaker, from Canada, stood up. "At last year's conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well, after the conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer cook for him, and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I still saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb."

                            The crowd applauded.

                            The second speaker, from France, stood up. "After last year's conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had done not only his own washing, but my washing as well."

                            The crowd cheered.

                            The third speaker, from Glasgow, stood up. "After last year's conference ah went hame and tellt ma man that I widnae dae his cookin', cleanin' or shoppin' and that he wid haftae dae it hissel. Efter the first day ah saw nuhin. Efter the second day ah saw nuhin. But after the third day I could jist see a wee bit oot o ma left eye!!"

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              is this quality

                              There's a bus full of ugly people driving along, and it crashes into a truck, killing everyone on board.
                              As they were queueing at the pearly gates, God whispers to St Peter to
                              grant them all just one wish, they've had a hard enough life being ugly, it
                              was a bit unfair to crash their bus, it's the least he can do for them.
                              So St Peter starts letting them through, granting wishes as they go.
                              The first says to him "I want to be gorgeous!", and sure enough, her wish
                              was granted.
                              The next says "Make me the best looking person in heaven" and again, the
                              wish was granted.
                              Everyone's wishes were much the same, all wishing not to be ugly anymore,
                              but as their wishes were granted, the guy at the back was rolling around on
                              the floor in fits of laughter.
                              St Peter continued to grant everyone's wishes, until he came to the last
                              guy.
                              "What's so funny?" St Peter asked, to which the guy replied...

                              "Make 'em all ugly again"

                              Comment

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