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JOKE of teh DAY!

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  • A gas station had 2 signs in the window, help wanted and self-service.

    I walked in and hired myself.

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    • It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

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      • Last time I went to the movies I was thrown out for bringing my own food. My argument was that the concession stand prices are outrageous. Besides, I haven't had a Bar-B-Que in a long time.

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        • I bought a dog the other day... I named him Stay. It's fun to call him... "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane.

          Now he just ignores me. He's very smart.

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          • There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.

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            • I was in the supermarket the other day, and I met a lady in the aisle where they keep the generic brands. Her name was "woman".

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              • I used to be a narrator for bad mimes.

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                • I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.

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                  • I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.

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                    • Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

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                      • If the pen is mightier than the sword, in a duel I'll let you have the pen!


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                        • When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

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                          • When I was 10, my father told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.

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                            • I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

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                              • What do batteries run on?

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