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JOKE of teh DAY!

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  • I signed up for my company’s 401k,

    but I don’t think I can run that far.

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    • They're like ''You're an alcoholic.'' I go ''No, I'm not.'' And then apparently that's what alcoholics say too, you know?

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      • Woke up this morning and folded my bed back into a couch. Almost broke both my arms cause it’s not that kind of bed.

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        • I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.

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          • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

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            • I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.

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              • Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

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                • Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

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                  • If a word in the dictionary is misspelled, how would we know?

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                    • There are three types of people in the world. Those of us who are good at math and those of us who aren't.
                      Utah Bronco Freak

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                      • If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

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                        • I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

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                          • Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

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                            • If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

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                              • I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self-help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

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