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JOKE of teh DAY!

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  • What are a shark's two most favorite words?

    Man overboard!

    (ask Jawsie)

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    • A guy kissed a girl in the club and she said, "Oh my goodness, you've been smoking. It's just like licking an ashtray."

      "You non-smokers have some funny habits," he replied.

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      • A man in an interrogation room says, "I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present."

        The policeman responds: "You are the lawyer."

        Lawyer: "Exactly, so where's my present?"

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        • My best friend calls me his crazy friend...

          Jokes on him... all my friends are imaginary.

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          • Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away, and you'll have their shoes.

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            • A guy goes to a pet store to buy a goldfish. The salesman asks him, "Do you want an aquarium?" The guy responds, "I don't care what star sign it is!"

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              • Why was the coach yelling at the vending machine? He wanted his quarter back.

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                • My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

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                  • My wife just stopped and said, "you weren't even listening were you?"...

                    I thought, that's a funny way to start a conversation

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                    • It is funny how my wife waits for me in the kitchen all night till I come back from the pub...


                      ...just to ask me what time it is.

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                      • Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar?

                        They each got six months.

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                        • I was going to donate blood today, but they always ask waaaay too many personal questions.

                          Like, "whose blood is this?", and "where did you get it?"

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                          • Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy.


                            You can't imagine the happiness I felt as I saw him put his pistol back in his pocket.

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                            • Today I saw an ad that said "radio for sale, $1, volume stuck on full."


                              I thought, "I can't turn that down."

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                              • Today one of my friends told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space.


                                It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.

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