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JOKE of teh DAY!

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  • CanDB
    replied
    I bought a sail for my boat on Amazon the other day. Today it dawned on me that it's not the right size so I called to cancel. They said it's too late.


    That sail has shipped.

    Leave a comment:


  • CanDB
    replied
    Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.


    My parents are the worst.

    Leave a comment:


  • CanDB
    replied
    The school phoned me today and said, "Your son has been telling lies."


    I said, "Tell him, he's really good. I don't have any kids."

    Leave a comment:


  • CanDB
    replied
    I was fired from the keyboard factory today.


    I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

    Leave a comment:


  • CanDB
    replied
    Today one of my friends told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space.


    It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.

    Leave a comment:


  • CanDB
    replied
    Today I saw an ad that said "radio for sale, $1, volume stuck on full."


    I thought, "I can't turn that down."

    Leave a comment:


  • CanDB
    replied
    Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy.


    You can't imagine the happiness I felt as I saw him put his pistol back in his pocket.

    Leave a comment:


  • CanDB
    replied
    I was going to donate blood today, but they always ask waaaay too many personal questions.

    Like, "whose blood is this?", and "where did you get it?"

    Leave a comment:


  • CanDB
    replied
    Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar?

    They each got six months.

    Leave a comment:


  • CanDB
    replied
    It is funny how my wife waits for me in the kitchen all night till I come back from the pub...


    ...just to ask me what time it is.

    Leave a comment:


  • CanDB
    replied
    My wife just stopped and said, "you weren't even listening were you?"...

    I thought, that's a funny way to start a conversation

    Leave a comment:


  • CanDB
    replied
    My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

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  • CanDB
    replied
    Why was the coach yelling at the vending machine? He wanted his quarter back.

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  • CanDB
    replied
    A guy goes to a pet store to buy a goldfish. The salesman asks him, "Do you want an aquarium?" The guy responds, "I don't care what star sign it is!"

    Leave a comment:


  • CanDB
    replied
    Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away, and you'll have their shoes.

    Leave a comment:

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