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  • Advice with Friends?

    Hey all, I've been debating inside whether to post this for a while. You guys are pretty great, so I figured some of you had some words of advice for me.

    See, my two best High School friends and I are currently in a struggle. I am in College by the way. I have a long, rewarding, and also painful history with these two.

    They are freshmen in College now, and I am a Sophomore, one goes to my college, Holy Cross, and one goes to RPI.

    Long story short. I had some struggles with these two in my 4 years of high school, we were all on a JROTC Drill Team. We were all close, and had a good time. Still, I had some troubles, and became depressed. I treated them poorly at times, but they were good to me, which is why they are such good friends.
    However. Now things are different.

    Since my friend @ Holy Cross is a freshman, I wanted to have dinner with him to catch up, and see how he is doing. We schedule, and he blows me off and goes to Boston with his new friends. That is the second time he ditched me.
    My friend at RPI and I had a fight, and agreed to start over. But whenever I reach out and try to talk to him, he ignores me.

    I just feel bad, these are my two best friends, and they're treating me very poorly. It makes me frustrated and sad. I've spoken with many friends, and they gave me good advice.

    Any help guys? I would appreciate it! Sorry if somebody is annoyed by this post, I just feel bad.

    (This is only a snippet of the story, if somebody is willing to listen, I can tell them the whole story via PM or something.)

    Cheers guys! Thanks in advance if anyone wants to help!
    sigpic

  • #2
    Originally posted by LSIGRAD09 View Post
    Hey all, I've been debating inside whether to post this for a while. You guys are pretty great, so I figured some of you had some words of advice for me.

    See, my two best High School friends and I are currently in a struggle. I am in College by the way. I have a long, rewarding, and also painful history with these two.

    They are freshmen in College now, and I am a Sophomore, one goes to my college, Holy Cross, and one goes to RPI.

    Long story short. I had some struggles with these two in my 4 years of high school, we were all on a JROTC Drill Team. We were all close, and had a good time. Still, I had some troubles, and became depressed. I treated them poorly at times, but they were good to me, which is why they are such good friends.
    However. Now things are different.

    Since my friend @ Holy Cross is a freshman, I wanted to have dinner with him to catch up, and see how he is doing. We schedule, and he blows me off and goes to Boston with his new friends. That is the second time he ditched me.
    My friend at RPI and I had a fight, and agreed to start over. But whenever I reach out and try to talk to him, he ignores me.

    I just feel bad, these are my two best friends, and they're treating me very poorly. It makes me frustrated and sad. I've spoken with many friends, and they gave me good advice.

    Any help guys? I would appreciate it! Sorry if somebody is annoyed by this post, I just feel bad.

    (This is only a snippet of the story, if somebody is willing to listen, I can tell them the whole story via PM or something.)

    Cheers guys! Thanks in advance if anyone wants to help!
    first and foremost understand that growing up, changing and evolving thru the process is difficult for everyone. and just because you or your friends have found yourself in different places and maybe dont have the same goals or interests anymore doesnt mean that anyone is wrong or trying to be hurtful. its just how things are sometimes.

    i was actually looking for this cheesy chain text i get all the time that i thought would be so perfect for this situation. and of course i cant find it now but basically this is how it goes...

    the universe provides you with everything you need when ever you need it. some friends are there for life, some only for a short time. but either way their presence and influence is important both to you and the friend involved at the time when it is most needed.

    perhaps what you and your friends had to teach each other is over. you are all changing and evolving and college is a place where it happens quickly. it doesnt mean anyone is judging or doesnt care, as much as the common interests and things that drew you together in the first place arent relevant anymore. this may be an opportunity to be free of those ties so that you will be open to new people that are better suited to positively influence your future. and for you to be available to people who may need your guidance in their journey.

    imho i say let it go. free yourself of the need to be part of their future and focus on making yours the best it can be. soon the burdens and responsibility of life after school will be at hand. a career, spouse, mortgage, children etc. these are wonderful and amazing things but can only be appreciated with and open and free mind.

    :2cents:

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Gatorgirl View Post
      first and foremost understand that growing up, changing and evolving thru the process is difficult for everyone. and just because you or your friends have found yourself in different places and maybe dont have the same goals or interests anymore doesnt mean that anyone is wrong or trying to be hurtful. its just how things are sometimes.

      i was actually looking for this cheesy chain text i get all the time that i thought would be so perfect for this situation. and of course i cant find it now but basically this is how it goes...

      the universe provides you with everything you need when ever you need it. some friends are there for life, some only for a short time. but either way their presence and influence is important both to you and the friend involved at the time when it is most needed.

      perhaps what you and your friends had to teach each other is over. you are all changing and evolving and college is a place where it happens quickly. it doesnt mean anyone is judging or doesnt care, as much as the common interests and things that drew you together in the first place arent relevant anymore. this may be an opportunity to be free of those ties so that you will be open to new people that are better suited to positively influence your future. and for you to be available to people who may need your guidance in their journey.

      imho i say let it go. free yourself of the need to be part of their future and focus on making yours the best it can be. soon the burdens and responsibility of life after school will be at hand. a career, spouse, mortgage, children etc. these are wonderful and amazing things but can only be appreciated with and open and free mind.

      :2cents:
      Thank you for your advice. I really appreciate it. I will keep that in mind. Very, very appreciated!
      sigpic

      Comment


      • #4
        I've been through the same man, it happens though you sometimes just gtta move on and maybe later down the road you'll meet up again sometimes my friends and I just hung out too much and grew sick of each other only to hang out again a while later

        Best I can say is just drop it for awhile and see what happens, you should haber other people to hang with in the meantime
        sigpic
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        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by SBboundBRONCOS View Post
          I've been through the same man, it happens though you sometimes just gtta move on and maybe later down the road you'll meet up again sometimes my friends and I just hung out too much and grew sick of each other only to hang out again a while later

          Best I can say is just drop it for awhile and see what happens, you should haber other people to hang with in the meantime
          I've actually been advised that by some friends and family. It is a really good strategy too.
          Thank you very much dude!
          sigpic

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          • #6
            It is hard for me to fully understand the behaviour of your "friends". How badly did you treat them before? If really bad, maybe they are making a statement. In any case, at some point when you meet with them, I would try to have a good discussion about what has transpired, how important they are to you, and that you would like to continue being friends.

            But you should move on to some degree, because otherwise you will be spending too much energy trying to figure out the past, as opposed to generating valuable new and future opportunities.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by CanDB View Post
              It is hard for me to fully understand the behaviour of your "friends". How badly did you treat them before? If really bad, maybe they are making a statement. In any case, at some point when you meet with them, I would try to have a good discussion about what has transpired, how important they are to you, and that you would like to continue being friends.

              But you should move on to some degree, because otherwise you will be spending too much energy trying to figure out the past, as opposed to generating valuable new and future opportunities.
              Well, by "bad" I mean I put them through depression. I was depressed, and they had to see me through it. They were peeved, but things got much better.

              I will try to talk with them. And I will move on too eliminate focusing too much on the past.

              Thank you very much Can! I appreciate it. CP when they refresh!
              sigpic

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