Can't Help Being Attracted By Certain Folks

[CanDB]

If you're like me, you find yourself attracted to certain people more than others, almost on first impression. I don't mean physical attraction so much (although that is integral with the way we gauge others), but more with respect to whether or not we like another person.

It's not biased in my opinion, because we react the way we do. For some reason we have favourites, merely based on a feeling. And conversely, if you're not high on someone else's "attraction" monitor, it will probably take a whole lot more effort to win them over.....based really on nothing much at all.

Examples.......

- I meet a group of people at a gathering, and within no time I feel closer to some than others, and without spending much time to assess.
- I tend to be drawn by a certain look, someone that appears to be a nice person, who has been dealt a tough hand, or lacks confidence. It's a bit of a sympathetic assessment, but more so if they just come across as innocent good people.
- Someone who reminds me of someone I care about....makes no sense really, just because they look similar, and possibly behave a bit the same.

Make any sense to any of you?

In the three examples I use (that apply to me), there is some substance however....

- Sometimes initial impressions, based almost solely on looks, are a good indicator of long term relations. Karma perhaps????

Sometimes people that lack confidence or have been dealt with a tough hand, and are just trying to move ahead in their lives without bothering others are worthy of every bit of support they get.

- Sometimes people that remind us of others we care about turn out to be great people as well......plus the fact they make us feel good because they help conjure up positive, happy thoughts about those we miss.

There are many reasons why we feel the way we do.......and yes, some of us even feel pretty good when we see a physically attractive person......that's pretty standard stuff I believe. Of course, inner beauty kicks the surface kind in the mid to long run......from my perspective anyway.

Bottom line, even the best of folks need to be careful not to have favourites when there is little justification, other than a feeling. This is essential in the workplace, in group activities and other similar settings. I've seen it far too often where preferences of these sort are based on little more than a feeling, and had these folks done some real investigation of character/personality, they would have realized the error of their ways.

[LSIGRAD09]

I think I know what you mean.

There are some people I see and I want to know them and such, and then there are others I see, and I don't feel the same way.
Some people are more inviting than others, or look that way.

[rjent]

This is a very interesting study in Psychology. People, I believe, and is a result of a Psychological philosophy, are attracted to other based on childhood experiences. It is a very complicated idea, but I think it holds merit. I read an author/Psychologist by the name of Harvel Hendrix who has written a series of books based on this idea. Friends and even spouses are "chosen" based on attributes from our childhood caretaker.

Find a book called "Finding the Love You Want". A fascinating read. I also recommend The 5 love languages.

[LarryDean]

If you're like me, you find yourself attracted to certain people more than others, almost on first impression. I don't mean physical attraction so much (although that is integral with the way we gauge others), but more with respect to whether or not we like another person.

It's not biased in my opinion, because we react the way we do. For some reason we have favourites, merely based on a feeling. And conversely, if you're not high on someone else's "attraction" monitor, it will probably take a whole lot more effort to win them over.....based really on nothing much at all.

Examples.......

- I meet a group of people at a gathering, and within no time I feel closer to some than others, and without spending much time to assess.
- I tend to be drawn by a certain look, someone that appears to be a nice person, who has been dealt a tough hand, or lacks confidence. It's a bit of a sympathetic assessment, but more so if they just come across as innocent good people.
- Someone who reminds me of someone I care about....makes no sense really, just because they look similar, and possibly behave a bit the same.

Make any sense to any of you?

In the three examples I use (that apply to me), there is some substance however....

- Sometimes initial impressions, based almost solely on looks, are a good indicator of long term relations. Karma perhaps????

Sometimes people that lack confidence or have been dealt with a tough hand, and are just trying to move ahead in their lives without bothering others are worthy of every bit of support they get.

- Sometimes people that remind us of others we care about turn out to be great people as well......plus the fact they make us feel good because they help conjure up positive, happy thoughts about those we miss.

There are many reasons why we feel the way we do.......and yes, some of us even feel pretty good when we see a physically attractive person......that's pretty standard stuff I believe. Of course, inner beauty kicks the surface kind in the mid to long run......from my perspective anyway.

Bottom line, even the best of folks need to be careful not to have favourites when there is little justification, other than a feeling. This is essential in the workplace, in group activities and other similar settings. I've seen it far too often where preferences of these sort are based on little more than a feeling, and had these folks done some real investigation of character/personality, they would have realized the error of their ways.

Lots of places to go with this ...

I use the old adage never judge a book by its cover and can kick it with the best of them..

Using the examples giving ...

- I meet a group of people at a gathering and start singling out the weak immediately in case of a zombie apocalypse ....

- I tend to be drawn by a certain look, someone tht appears not to have been biting by a zombie,werewolf,vampire or that has been infected by some sort of flesh eating organism...Noticing these symptoms I have no fear and go in feet first and with chainsaw at the ready...

[PAINTERDAVE]

I have worked a long time on suspending judgment
of those I come in contact with.

I look across the room.. and remind myself I do not know
what paths have led this person to this place.

I remind myself to judge behaviour as a temporary thing..
and try not to confuse it with a judgement of the person.

I mean... I must make a judgement.. if say...
dude steps into my elevator holding a knife..
then I make a judgment right quick...

but if some guy is across the room..
a bit drunk and loud and obnoxious..
but no threat to me or mine..
I don't judge the person.... just the behaviour.

Or try to .. anyway.

I get judged A LOT. I hear it all the time.
I often hear from friends what some say behind my back....
"He is just a player".
"He is stuck up."

It does not matter that I am a good decent guy who values honesty..
It does not matter that I dont use women..
that I am circumspect about not hurting others...
because I have been hurt plenty.

It is amazing how if you just keep your mouth shut..
try to blend in with the corwd.. enjoy the band or whatever..
it is amazing the ideas some people come up with,
in their heads, about who you are.


Many people make snap judgments..
cram that judgment into a little box...
slap a stereotyped label on the box..
put that box up on a shelf in their mind....
and think they know who you are.

In judgement... they find comfort.

These are the same people who make fun of those around them...
as if by slamming others they themselves are bigger and better.

How sad, insecure and pathetic.

Blowing out the flame of another's candle
will not make mine burn brighter in the darkness.
In point of fact.. the opposite is true...
the brighter ALL of our flames burn..
the more we defeat the darkness.


The older I get.. the more I understand that I know very little outside myself.
I see that we all fit in on the "scale" of others at a different place.
I see that we are all treated differently by everyone..
and I try to NOT be that guy who ever treats anyone as my "inferior".

I realized some time ago.. that I was passing judgement on others..
for no good reason...
I will never even see most of these people again...
so WHY do I need to make some kind of assesment about who they are?

Someone I judge harshly because of appearance..
may well be a good, kind hearted decent person.

So now I do my best to suspend judgement of those who I do not know.
By suspending judgment of others... it frees me from THEIR judgment.

And beyond that..I have realized that it is none of my business
what others think of me.
It truly is none of my business.
They have a right to think of me whatever they will.

Should they choose to be shallow minded and judgmental..
it is none of my concern.

Being free of their judgement of me..
being free of my judgement of them...
equates to being free.

[InsaneBlaze23]

I think I know what you mean.

There are some people I see and I want to know them and such, and then there are others I see, and I don't feel the same way.
Some people are more inviting than others, or look that way.

This.^^^^
That's the same way I see it, but for me it's more of a vibe than visuals.

When I first meet someone, or see someone, I already know if they are someone I'd want to talk too.

The vibe they give off, which is a combo of speech and visuals, lets me know.

[CanDB]

I'm liking the discussion here, even the zombies and such......

I agree with the vibe thing for sure. I kept this to a look, but the vibe thing is a definite other angle to believe. I believe.

The trick is not to get fooled. I think we all do, even the best of us. I think I'm good at assessing people, who's honest and honourable, vs who you might have to watch. But then it gets a little judgemental, and once in a while you may miss the boat completely on folks.

This works both ways. On one hand you may be too impressed with another. That can come when someone else is nice to you. I think most of us like people who like us.

And conversely, sometimes we are way too harsh, thinking we have the culprits pegged, only to find they are really good, truthful types.....it's just a mirage in terms of the negatives we perceive.

Yes, we shouldn't judge. On the other hand, we feel the way we do, because we do.

[InsaneBlaze23]

I'm liking the discussion here, even the zombies and such......

I agree with the vibe thing for sure. I kept this to a look, but the vibe thing is a definite other angle to believe. I believe.

The trick is not to get fooled. I think we all do, even the best of us. I think I'm good at assessing people, who's honest and honourable, vs who you might have to watch. But then it gets a little judgemental, and once in a while you may miss the boat completely on folks.

This works both ways. On one hand you may be too impressed with another. That can come when someone else is nice to you. I think most of us like people who like us.

And conversely, sometimes we are way too harsh, thinking we have the culprits pegged, only to find they are really good, truthful types.....it's just a mirage in terms of the negatives we perceive.

Yes, we shouldn't judge. On the other hand, we feel the way we do, because we do.

Completely agree Can, great post.