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Hi eb. I hadn't seen this thread before now... there are few things I hate more than the idea of someone who is supposed to be responsible for another human being abusing that position. The statistic you produced about the percentage of perps who were biological parents disgusts me, but does not surprise me (sadly). We live in a messed up world. I'm glad there are still people trying to move it in the right direction.
to you and your cause.
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Originally posted by Peanut View PostThank you for sharing, eb.
I'd like to add to the bolded: It is NOT your fault.
As I said, mine was emotional/mental abuse.
I was loved. I was not beaten. My parents were alcoholics. They physically fought each other, drawing blood. Arguments, name calling. Shoes that made my toes curl because they were too small because the little money we had went to buy booze.
Begging my dad to put the gun away.
Helping him to drive straight because he couldn't see straight.
Keeping my mom from beating someone up (she was a mean drunk). No one else would or could because they were afraid of her. I was the only one who could control her.
Isolation.
It took years to overcome. I still fight through some things.
Like eb, I make sure that my kids are safe. They've never seen me drunk (gave it up when they were babies) and they don't remember their dad as a drunk (he's a recovering alcoholic). They hear "I love you" a lot. I hear it from them.
There are groups that help kids with alcoholic parents. I never went to them, but you can be smarter than I was. Ask for help.
Leave a comment:
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Originally posted by Peanut View PostThank you for sharing, eb.
I'd like to add to the bolded: It is NOT your fault.
As I said, mine was emotional/mental abuse.
I was loved. I was not beaten. My parents were alcoholics. They physically fought each other, drawing blood. Arguments, name calling. Shoes that made my toes curl because they were too small because the little money we had went to buy booze.
Begging my dad to put the gun away.
Helping him to drive straight because he couldn't see straight.
Keeping my mom from beating someone up (she was a mean drunk). No one else would or could because they were afraid of her. I was the only one who could control her.
Isolation.
It took years to overcome. I still fight through some things.
Like eb, I make sure that my kids are safe. They've never seen me drunk (gave it up when they were babies) and they don't remember their dad as a drunk (he's a recovering alcoholic). They hear "I love you" a lot. I hear it from them.
There are groups that help kids with alcoholic parents. I never went to them, but you can be smarter than I was. Ask for help.
Leave a comment:
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Originally posted by ebsoria View PostIf my post has touched anything in any survivor, please post your encouragement for other survivors here. If you are a survivor and still feel ashamed, let it out. Whether it be here in an open forum, or in private with someone close to you.. let it out. If you need, feel free to PM me. I am willing to listen and let you let it out. Remember, you are NOT alone. There is help. Just ask for it.
Anywho.. I'll post more later if it helps.
I'd like to add to the bolded: It is NOT your fault.
As I said, mine was emotional/mental abuse.
I was loved. I was not beaten. My parents were alcoholics. They physically fought each other, drawing blood. Arguments, name calling. Shoes that made my toes curl because they were too small because the little money we had went to buy booze.
Begging my dad to put the gun away.
Helping him to drive straight because he couldn't see straight.
Keeping my mom from beating someone up (she was a mean drunk). No one else would or could because they were afraid of her. I was the only one who could control her.
Isolation.
It took years to overcome. I still fight through some things.
Like eb, I make sure that my kids are safe. They've never seen me drunk (gave it up when they were babies) and they don't remember their dad as a drunk (he's a recovering alcoholic). They hear "I love you" a lot. I hear it from them.
There are groups that help kids with alcoholic parents. I never went to them, but you can be smarter than I was. Ask for help.
Leave a comment:
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So, I said I'd share my stories if it helps someone to overcome. I'm gonna preference this by saying- I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me. I don't feel sorry. What I went through has all culminated to become who I am. And I really like the "who" I am.
When I was 2 I began the tennis game of in and out of foster care that became my life. When I was 6 I was fortunate to start living with the couple who eventually took legal guardianship over me when I was 8. That's two years of back and forth between them and the lady who I no longer feel obligated to call "mom".
There's a book out called A Child Called It: One Child's Courage To Survive by David Pelzer. I've read the book twice. It is supposed to be an account of "one of the most severe cases of child abuse in California". I can tell you from personal experience that it get's worse.. much worse.
David's stories are chilling. They are down right scary. But, what's even scarier then that are the un-accounted for cases of child abuse in California.. heck.. in the world.
I'll tell a story now;
Before I moved to Napa I lived in Fort Bragg, California. I vividly remember a few foster families that I lived with. One in particular stands out more then most. My little sister and I were the only "foster" kids one particular family were in charge of. I don't recall what I did to piss them off, but my punishment was to sit in the family room with my back to the back of the recliner that "dad" sat in, facing towards the wall. While I sat there the "family" was having family time watching tv together and eating dinner on the floor. I was not allowed to laugh with them, eat with them, or even make any sort of noise. I laughed at one point. And I was punished. Then I was forced to return to my seat with my back to the chair.
I could hardly sit without comfort but was so afraid to make any noise for fear the belt would be brought out again. But, sat I did. All night as the "family" enjoyed family time and ignored me.
Luckily, my little sister was included in their family time. That is one of the biggest joys in life, is that she was spared, for whatever reason, all the things I remember going through. In all honesty, I don't know if it's that she was spared the pain and abuse so much as she has blocked out all the pain and abuse I went through.
Please.. go let a child in your life know you love them and that you're there to protect them. Not to sound cliche, but they are our future. And we are the ones who are charged with giving them a chance.
If my post has touched anything in any survivor, please post your encouragement for other survivors here. If you are a survivor and still feel ashamed, let it out. Whether it be here in an open forum, or in private with someone close to you.. let it out. If you need, feel free to PM me. I am willing to listen and let you let it out. Remember, you are NOT alone. There is help. Just ask for it.
Anywho.. I'll post more later if it helps.
Leave a comment:
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Originally posted by ebsoria View PostThank you, sir.
One day as this thread ages I'll post a few stories of what I went through. When I was about 15 I finally came to terms with a lot of what I experienced. Now, I am an open book if it helps one child to understand that that problem is/was not them.. it was the abuser.
Leave a comment:
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Originally posted by ebsoria View PostThank you, sir.
One day as this thread ages I'll post a few stories of what I went through. When I was about 15 I finally came to terms with a lot of what I experienced. Now, I am an open book if it helps one child to understand that that problem is/was not them.. it was the abuser.
Leave a comment:
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Originally posted by BroncosFanInPA View PostI knew it had to be high but dam that is just appalling & i'm at a loss for words.
As for the second part, i was unaware of that but i will say good for you for being strong & standing up against these horrific acts.
One day as this thread ages I'll post a few stories of what I went through. When I was about 15 I finally came to terms with a lot of what I experienced. Now, I am an open book if it helps one child to understand that that problem is/was not them.. it was the abuser.
Leave a comment:
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Originally posted by ebsoria View Post
Actually, the numbers for that are quite high. 80% of the perps are biological parents.
I'll say it loud and proud... I am a survivor. And there is help out there.
As for the second part, i was unaware of that but i will say good for you for being strong & standing up against these horrific acts.
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Originally posted by Peanut View PostVery sobering stats, eb. And that's physical abuse. It doesn't take in emotional/mental abuse (that's where mine comes in).
I will be wearing a blue ribbon somewhere.
Thank you for what you do.
Yes, the mental abuse it hard to track and see. But, as you can attest, it is there and is just as serious as any other form.
Originally posted by BroncosFanInPA View PostAll the facts you listed are disturbing but this one that i singled out may be the worst of them all & what's even worse yet is there is probably a high %(i don't know actual #'s) of those that are sexually assaulted by either family members or close friends of the family, somebody that is trusted.
When that type of activity occurs it just makes you sick to think about it & just can't understand how & why people do it.
Actually, the numbers for that are quite high. 80% of the perps are biological parents.
I'll say it loud and proud... I am a survivor. And there is help out there.
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Originally posted by ebsoria View Post*67% of reported sexual assault cases were against juveniles under the age of 18. 36% of all victims were under the age of 12. 1 out of every 7 victims in reported cases were under the age of 6.
When that type of activity occurs it just makes you sick to think about it & just can't understand how & why people do it.
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Very sobering stats, eb. And that's physical abuse. It doesn't take in emotional/mental abuse (that's where mine comes in).
I will be wearing a blue ribbon somewhere.
Thank you for what you do.
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