Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Children, can't live through them; can't live without them

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Children, can't live through them; can't live without them

    This thread is for all us parents on these boards. I hope it's a forum for talking about the joys & challenges of being a parent. Not so much about parenting style or strategy, more about sharing our experiences as parents.

    For instance, I'm a father of two adolescent boys ages 12 & 14. They both look like me & the oldest even acts much like I remember acting as a kid. They are my pride & joy and bring so much meaning to my life I can't describe it adequately. It's like trying to describe the grandeur of the Grand Canyon to someone who has never been there, or like explaining what it's like to be in love to someone who has yet to experience that emotion. I am so grateful to be "Dad" to my boys. This is the whole "can't live without them" angle in the thread title.

    The "can't live through them" angle is my attempt to get to what I find to be a very significant challenge, personally. As I said, my boys look like me & even act like me. They like many of the things I like, do many of the things I do (or did as a kid) - but they are not me. Sometimes it's easy to remember that - like when they talk about loving math (I can barely add in my head).

    Sometimes, it's not so easy to keep things straight. I coach my oldest son in soccer (a sport I grew up playing), and do my best to not live vicariously through his accomplishments & struggles in the sport. I take joy when he does something significant in the course of a game & suffer agonizing disappointment when he screws something up. Thus far, though, I'd like to think I am able to keep my identity separate from him. I sure hope I do, at least. I think my experience is shared (at least with the other dad I coach alongside) based on my observations and interactions with the other parents I see on the sidelines.

    If you're a parent, I bet you can understand where I'm coming from. If you're not yet a parent...you will.
    Originally posted by Broncoholic3233
    FF is awesome!

  • #2
    I understand what you are saying bud. My kids are grown up now (although I still worry about them and try to influence their decisions on a regular basis) but the love for, and living through don't change. I thought that I'd be less worried about their lives as they grew up, but here I am, thinking about both of them as I write. Wondering if they'll take my latest advice. Wondering if it's better if they don't. Hoping they never do need me. But wishing they were here.......close enough to touch them.

    And one thing that has changed a bit, is that they seem to listen more these days, even if they don't admit it. Then again, as I mentioned, I hope they don't need my help, because then I know that they have learned to ride that bike of life, or swim in the sea alone....which is all we ever want for our kids....I think. Being able to live without us.

    Sometimes I really wish they didn't think or feel the same way I do, because then I would not feel so sensitive about their situations, knowing the exact pain or the anguish from personal experience. But that would rob us of that special bond, wouldn't it.......

    Comment


    • #3
      as a certified man-child feel free to feed me... I miss home cooked meals.

      Comment


      • #4
        I will never have kids.


        I know how horrible I was/am for my parents and would never want to go through that!

        Comment


        • #5
          I know what you mean, i have 3 kids two boys age 14 & 11 & one daughter age 8 & they bring great joy to my life & i couldn't imagine life without them. Sure they have their moments & can drive you crazy sometimes but that's what makes it interesting.

          The thing that brings me the m ost joy though is when they are happy & having fun & seeing the joy in them because when you choose to have kids then they become #1 in your life & you will give anything for them to try to give them the best life possible.

          I also can relate to the part about them being into or liking some of the same things i do, for example my boys are stupid crazy into football & hate the steelers much like i do, of course the wife says i brain washed them. But hey your kids look up to you & will often copy things you do or follow similar patterns you have but it's ok as long as they have some of their own style & personality also.

          Kids truly are great & anybody who has kids knows that & i think this is a really cool topic even if there aren't alot of members on here that fall into this category. Good thread! CP to you.
          sigpic

          Comment


          • #6
            All kids are the same but different. I've heard a radio commercial lately where the lady is saying "I'll never forget when my son yelled 'I hate you' and slammed the door in my face" and sadly the commercial is all about some business to get kids to act right. Is that a terrible kid like the commercial says or is it just a teenager? It's good to read what you guys are saying because you actually care about your kids. Too many people I see don't. I don't think I'll ever have kids...I just can't see it. But, if I did...I would do my absolute best to teach them as best as possible whether it be through tough love (which is what I mostly got) or just sitting down and talking with them. Parents can actually live through their kids and manipulate them into actually listening they just have to remember what they were like as kids and not have such a developed mind.
            sigpic
            Sig pic by dbfan2007

            Originally posted by kishzilla
            You truly are a special kind of strange ha ha ha.
            You damn right!

            Songs engineered, mixed, and mastered by yours truly...
            Have It All - Blu3
            Conceited - Blu3
            Intro (Failure Meets Success) - Blu3
            All On You - Blu3

            Comment


            • #7
              My immediate concern is that I don't want to be a grandmother for at least another five years.
              So keep it in your pants Booker T if ever you happen to log in and read this!

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Jaws View Post
                My immediate concern is that I don't want to be a grandmother for at least another five years.
                So keep it in your pants Booker T if ever you happen to log in and read this!
                This is a classic example of distance education.......

                Comment


                • #9
                  I think the thing that is hard about parenting is that you want your kids to learn overnight what took you years to understand. And even if you help them avoid mistakes, which is a good thing after all, sometimes they DO have to learn for themselves. So it's a catch 22 sometimes, wanting your kids to learn for themselves while wanting to help them bi pass a lot of steps along the way. There is a proper balance somewhere in between, but that is easier said than done.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by CanDB View Post
                    This is a classic example of distance education.......
                    Which I fully endorse as a Teacher lol!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by CanDB View Post
                      I think the thing that is hard about parenting is that you want your kids to learn overnight what took you years to understand. And even if you help them avoid mistakes, which is a good thing after all, sometimes they DO have to learn for themselves. So it's a catch 22 sometimes, wanting your kids to learn for themselves while wanting to help them bi pass a lot of steps along the way. There is a proper balance somewhere in between, but that is easier said than done.
                      Man, I find myself see-sawing back & forth to both sides of that balance all too often. I want my boys to grow into men with integrity and strong character, but I sure don't relish some of the requisite experiences & "lessons" along the way.

                      Nevertheless, it is pretty amazing to see those moments when they impress through their decisions. I've seen them both step up in key situations & they fill me with pride.
                      Originally posted by Broncoholic3233
                      FF is awesome!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Flatlander Fan View Post
                        Man, I find myself see-sawing back & forth to both sides of that balance all too often. I want my boys to grow into men with integrity and strong character, but I sure don't relish some of the requisite experiences & "lessons" along the way.

                        Nevertheless, it is pretty amazing to see those moments when they impress through their decisions. I've seen them both step up in key situations & they fill me with pride.
                        I truly believe that a seriously high % of folks would choose their children as their most important "achievement" in life.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Just experienced the joys and anguish this weekend!

                          I have 2 boys, 11 and 9 and this is their first year in rugby. I am coaching my oldest's team and enjoying the hell out of it.

                          This weekend was our first real match and my boys (all of whom are 11-12) have to play U-13's and everyone one of them is a first year player, although my son has a good grasp of the game since he has seen me play since the he was about 3 months old. Unfortunately, our first match was against the defending champs and it showed. We got our butt whupped. That was the anguish part. But the joy part came from watching my boy play scrum half like a manimal and my entire team not quit, play hard and take the beating like men. I was really worried about a couple kids being intimdated and wanting to quit. So I gathered my boys up away from the parents and ask them what they thought. Everyone was jacked about the game and couldnt wait to play again. I was on cloud nine all day saturday and sunday!

                          Its interesting though because my younger son, who is usually the fastest and meanest kid on his team played lights out, scored 4 out of his teams 7 tries and didn't miss a tackle and yet I was still more impressed with my oldest. He is 11 weighs 83 lbs is about 5 ft tall and he took everything the other kids could give him and gave it back! He was easily the smallest kid on either team weight wise and he missed a good half-dozen tackles but he gave a mansized account of himself and as a dad thats all i can ask.

                          I must say I am having a much harder time not doing the vicarious thing during rugby than I ever was with FB or Baseball.
                          Family, country, rugby, football

                          I posted in the epic Peyton's NeckBones thread and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by CanDB View Post
                            I think the thing that is hard about parenting is that you want your kids to learn overnight what took you years to understand. And even if you help them avoid mistakes, which is a good thing after all, sometimes they DO have to learn for themselves. So it's a catch 22 sometimes, wanting your kids to learn for themselves while wanting to help them bi pass a lot of steps along the way. There is a proper balance somewhere in between, but that is easier said than done.
                            Uggghhhh... I know. I had a great childhood / early adulthood. I loved my life and I can't say I had any experiences I would give up..except one. I was a real big smart-arse and I didn't treat most of the girls / young women in my life (family i did) with any respect. I was what you would call a player and I know I hurt more than my fair share of girls for no reason whatsoever other than that I could get away with it. I was the dude that most moms were afraid of and to this day there are women all over Montana and Nevada that are card carrying members of the I hate Rich club.

                            So when I see this attitude or behavior in my boys I put a stop to it, explain how crappy a guy I was and ask them to remember the other person has feeling and there really isn't any need to hurt them Being nice takes no effort at all. Other than that I try and let them learn on their own as much as they can.
                            Family, country, rugby, football

                            I posted in the epic Peyton's NeckBones thread and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Boy punches man to escape abduction in Northamptonshire village

                              Not my offspring but I bet the parents of this young 11 year old boy are glad he packed a good punch and ever so relieved!

                              http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england...50#TWEET143682

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X