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My girlfriends actions last night/ how should I feel?

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  • My girlfriends actions last night/ how should I feel?

    Recently my girlfriend decided she wanted to go back to school to further advance her career. We're not very old we are in our mid 20s so were still pretty young anyway she's been meeting a lot of new people, mainly a lot of new guys.

    A lot of these guys follow and post comments to her Instagram and are always commenting on her pictures it's not a big deal I'm okay with that I don't want to come across as being that jealous.

    Last night we decided to go out to a club for little while to dance and have a few drinks. We took separate cars because I was just getting off of work and she was at her friends house so we met up there.

    As females like to do, she's taking pictures and posting them online and after a couple hours of pictures and dancing she decides that she and her BFF were going to the restroom to as they say fresh in up.

    While she was in there some guy comes up to me and asked me how I was doing and put his hand out to shake my hand. At first I thought how polite of this fella to come up and introduce himself to me but the en I suddenly realized at that moment that I recognized as one of the guys that is always and constantly posting comments on all her pictures on Instagram.

    At first I became somewhat angry because I realized that she did not tell him that she was there at this particular night club. I realized that he saw her posting pictures on Instagram, which marks her location and he just decided to make an appearance.

    I do not know if she is that stupid or naïve or ignorant to say that she didn't realize that that is what he did. I do however understand that he violated our privacy by doing such a thing by showing up uninvited but even that didn't upset me as much!

    What really upset me was when her and I were sitting together in our booth with our arms around each other talking and having a good time when he comes over and interruptly taps her on the shoulder. She jumps up in surprise and says "hi what's up" giving him a hug.

    Okay maybe this wasn't such a big deal either but they talked for about five seconds and then turned around and walked off further back into the club to sit at a private booth together. I felt really betrayed and stupid the way she left me sitting there.

    I went over and I got upset saying how could you have such little respect for me and just leave me sitting there? why couldnt you at least introduce me to your friend? why do you have to walk off like that.

    We got into a huge argument and I left. About 10 minutes of driving down the highway I was able to calm down enough and turn around and go back I do not want to leave her there and treat her in such a way.

    But on my way back I passed a gas station where I saw her car parked, so I flipped a U-turn pulled into the gas station without her seeing me. I suddenly seen the guy that met up with her in the club come running out of the gas station and jump into the passenger seat of her car and then they drove off.

    I have not tried to call her or text her today or to say that I am sorry for becoming upset.
    At this point I don't know how to feel or what to do, I really really want to call her and tell her that it's over and I don't ever want to see her again but I don't want to overreact and say things that I'm going to regret the way I'm feeling right now.

    I just need to know from you guys if I'm overreacting or if I'm right to feel the way I do right now very angry and upset!
    Last edited by Junn Hoard; 10-29-2014, 09:25 AM.

  • #2
    1. He was probably buying condoms.

    2. It's done. Get over it. I wouldn't go back after that.
    :lombardi:2019 Adopt-A-Bronco: Dr. Dre'Mont Jones
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    • #3
      Just so you guys know I am a raider fan but I am also a bronco fan that is why i value the opinion here and also why I signed up here so many years back when I was a kid.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Houshmazode View Post
        1. He was probably buying condoms.

        2. It's done. Get over it. I wouldn't go back after that.
        Damn bro, same exact thoughts I had.

        OP. I don't think you necessarily overreacted at the club. She probably should have introduced you to him and not gone off in private with him. That alone could have been resolved, but then finding them together post club kind of seals the deal.

        I'd be done, for me I would have a hard time trusting that person again. But that is just me.
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        • #5
          Are you overreacting? No. Should you be upset? When it happened sure, now no.
          I mean it can't be anymore obvious she has no respect for you, any trust you and her have was torn the second she walked off with enough guy without saying a word then the gas station moment.

          Is she still your girlfriend? If so you might wanna end that and move on, as I'm sure better can be found.
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          • #6
            Originally posted by TH3JUICEMAN View Post
            Damn bro, same exact thoughts I had.

            OP. I don't think you necessarily overreacted at the club. She probably should have introduced you to him and not gone off in private with him. That alone could have been resolved, but then finding them together post club kind of seals the deal.

            I'd be done, for me I would have a hard time trusting that person again. But that is just me.
            I mean seriously, when people make a pit stop at the gas station after the club, it isn't to buy gum....especially when OP says the guy rushed back to the car and they sped off.
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            • #7
              I do not think you over reacted in any way. If my gf did anything of that nature and just walked off with a guy and later on I saw her with some other guy in the car driving off with her I would instantly end it. That is extremely disrespectful towards you and it happened with you being there so imagine what happens when you're not there. You shouldn't feel upset or anything of that nature, you can do better and you deserve better.

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              • #8
                agreed with all of the above.

                had this happen to me when i was younger. Trust your gut feelings too
                Glen Haven Fire

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                • #9
                  Good advice from the group here. Now, I would suggest not to assume anything, but what you aren't assuming is that:

                  - your gf and this dude have a fairly good relationship going on, but to what extent we don't know.
                  - she took off with another guy, knowing that you were hurt....that's low

                  To answer your question......(when I was young and single) I would have reacted the way you did, maybe worse. Except, seeing them together at the gas station....I would have made sure she knew I was there, and made it clear it was over if she stayed with the stooge.

                  If I was you, I'd send her a message telling her how you felt and what you saw, and that you are ending this relationship unless she can provide you with reasons why she is worthy of keeping you. SHE OWES YOU ANSWERS. If nothing else, she needs a wake up call. Not cool!

                  Good luck! Sorry for what happened. She sounds like a young person, who doesn't quite get it. Is she the type that likes attention? Whatever....ball should be squarely in her court, unless you feel like dropping her now.

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                  • #10
                    yeah man, as all of the previous posters have mentioned .... time to move forward with your own life!

                    As a man in my mid 30's with a wife who is in her 40's, I can tell you she would NEVER do something like that to me. IF there was another guy friend who "happened to just show up at a place we were at" she would introduce me and never leave my side ... the fact that your girl didn't do that, shows where her head was at!

                    You're also a bit naive to think that this guy "just showed up" ... I'm willing to bet that he was asked to come and meet up! Not that a woman having guy friends is a bad thing but when you are out and about with your partner then you definitely don't invite a 3rd wheel along.
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                    • #11
                      Im gonna echo Can's words above- send her a messgae telling her how you felt last night. If she can't alleviate your concerns, then move on.

                      Sucks. And it'll hurt. But, now is the time to ferett out any issues before things get more serious and it's harder to resolve and hurts more.

                      Good luck!
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                      • #12
                        If she's worth it, then you should at least pursue trying to work out the problem. By all means, own up that you may have overacted but follow that with an explanation why which, obviously, would be about your relationship with her.

                        You should absolutely bring up what you saw at the gas station. Regardless what the stop was for, why would she leave a club with another guy if you two are together.

                        Others are right, the ball is in her court. As far as you are concerned, if she's worth it, let it play out but don't be too emotionally influenced that she has the upper hand. Be honest, including ending it if it needs to ended

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                        • #13
                          Move on. If she hasn't tried to contact you either, meh.

                          Personally I wouldn't even get into it with her. No point. Make a point of apologising for taking off, and that it. that is all you did wrong. She has made choices with her "new friends" that don't include you. The more you talk about it, the messier it becomes. Pack up the stuff she has at your place, arrange a time to pick up yours from hers and just let it go. She is in a different place right now. There is no win in this situation.
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                          • #14
                            I know it's cliche but there are plenty of fish in the sea.... move on. If while dating you observe behavior that you cant live with.... move on. That is what dating is for.
                            res ipsa loquitur

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                            • #15
                              I've got some strong opinions on subjects like this.

                              The first thing I'd like to point out is our society's ineptitude in social situations. It just doesn't seem like people are truly aware of what is acceptable and unacceptable in terms of politeness or courtesy anymore. I blame a lot of this on social media and texting. Nobody is able to actually communicate with anyone because they're so reliant upon the impersonal methods of conversation -- texting, instant messaging, and whatever else.

                              Another thing that kills me about people today is their absolute need to take pictures of themselves or tag their location. It's like they think that their lives aren't real unless they take a selfie or tag themselves at a certain spot while doing something. It's almost as if they need proof that a specific night or event actually happened. Another thing people are doing when they're taking these self-absorbed pictures of themselves or making a status update every few minutes or tagging their location is, obviously, a cry for attention. They want to be noticed. They want to be validated. Doesn't matter if they're "in a relationship" or not. And let's be honest, ladies -- this is mainly a gender specific problem. (At least, that's the way I see it.) Sure, there are exceptions. Guys do it as well, but I don't think it's near the severity or frequency that females do this crap.

                              When you combine these things, relationships that are true and worthwhile are few and far between. I mean, just try to have a conventional conversation with someone you'd like to get to know. It's harder than it should be -- seemingly harder than it's worth -- and I blame people's lack of social skills for it. Texting and instant messaging -- they've made people socially awkward and generally unpleasant to be around. If Hannibal Lecter actually existed, he'd be eating a lot of rude people out there. Hell, maybe we'd be better off. Ha.

                              Anyway, nothing she did was cool. I wouldn't have been okay with a chick doing that to me. Not the encounter with the other dude at the club. Certainly not the same dude being in her car (even if "nothing happened.") None of it. Call me old fashioned. Call me strange. Call me controlling. What you won't call me is a fool or a chump.

                              I guarantee you that if you asked your girlfriend or ex-girlfriend if she'd be okay with you doing the things she did -- hugging another girl at the club or having another girl in your car -- she'd tell you that she would not be okay with it. So there's an automatic hypocrisy there.

                              In my opinion, anyone under the age of about 35 or 40 is basically going to find it difficult to meet someone who they'll be able to grow old and die with. It's hard enough keeping a relationship together for 6 months -- what with Facebook and Instagram posts created purely to make the significant other jealous getting in the way. I just think most people nowadays have the mentality that everything should be instantaneous. Instant gratification. And if you can't get your instant gratification from someone, you move on to the next person who you think can give it to you -- and then the next, and then the next, and then the next. I'm not sure if it ever stops.

                              In short, don't think another thing about this chick. I know it's easy for me to say that, and I know you'll still think about her. But that really is the best piece of advice I can give you. Life's too short to waste it on flakes or shady individuals. Sadly, there are many, many of them out there and wading through them is a tedious, grueling process. Hey, if you make it through said process, let me know how it turns out, because I still haven't made it through myself. Best of luck to you.

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