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  • Beating Self-Destructive Thoughts

    Does anyone else have this problem? I think I get these thoughts a lot because I have ADD so my mind is always wandering but I was wondering if anyone has been successful of ridding themselves of the fear of failure and disaster.

    It's kind of like Murphy's quantum law, if anything can go wrong it will go wrong. How do you avoid thinking like that when so much of society has told you not to get your hopes up because it is constantly being let down?

    Advice on this matter is much appreciated because I've finally identified what I'm exceptionally good at in life (customer service/sales) and I need to put myself in a position where I can succeed at my job without worrying about insecure thoughts that could jeopardize my position at my company.

    sigpic

    "Maybe if he had an iron suit or a magic hammer...."

  • #2
    Positive thinking and surrounding yourself with positive people/situations.

    Just like "if anything can go wrong it will go wrong" has some validity if you keep thinking that way, so does "if anything can go right....." has more than a good chance, given the right approach.

    I do believe that you can shape your world, to some degree, by how you frame it. If you reflect on a good outcome, good things often happen. Conversely, those who suffer with negativity, (and yes, once upon a time I had my share of those days), definitely impact their futures by focusing on the prospect of a negative outcome.

    By believing in a positive outcome, I do believe we attract the right vibes, plus we focus our efforts to make it happen. Again, that works in reverse.

    Low self esteem (which is often the culprit) can really hamper our ability to be happy. It seems unfair that one has to deal with it, because it usually becomes a predictor of disappointing outcomes. And for me to say that self esteem is easy to improve, I would be misleading. But that's why you start slowly. You push yourself each morning to believe in the positive. One day at a time, you find ways to hang out with positive people. Maybe you join a "positive" club or organization. Maybe you make it a habit to watch happy shows. Perhaps you read about the power of positive thinking. And even if there are bad days, and reasons for one to be down (and we all have them), you say to yourself, "tomorrow will be better."

    This is not as easy as I make it sound. But the best way, is to start "today". Write down a few things that you will improve upon. Write down positives you will seek. Add to the list as often as you can. And whenever you have a bad situation, maybe write down how that will improve as well, and get to it.

    I can go on. I can give examples. But the first step begins right this very moment. For you see, each step, even small steps towards a more positive life, are valuable. And then after some time, the outcomes will be more frequent than the steps. Sort of like those who set a goal to lose some weight....even though it does not happen overnight, once the improvement is noticed, the rest becomes easier as the results speak for themselves.

    Good luck with it, and believe it can change for you.

    Specifically, as for your life, you are already saying the right things with regard to your career. You are showing positive insight as to your skillset. You are good at those things, and as a result, you are blessed. You will derive positive outcomes, and if you can apply the same thing to other aspects of your day to day world, you will be quite successful!

    :thumb:
    Last edited by CanDB; 06-15-2015, 02:01 PM.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by CanDB View Post
      Positive thinking and surrounding yourself with positive people/situations.

      Just like "if anything can go wrong it will go wrong" has some validity if you keep thinking that way, so does "if anything can go right....." has more than a good chance, given the right approach.

      I do believe that you can shape your world, to some degree, by how you frame it. If you reflect on a good outcome, good things often happen. Conversely, those who suffer with negativity, (and yes, once upon a time I had my share of those days), definitely impact their futures by focusing on the prospect of a negative outcome.

      By believing in a positive outcome, I do believe we attract the right vibes, plus we focus our efforts to make it happen. Again, that works in reverse.

      Low self esteem (which is often the culprit) can really hamper our ability to be happy. It seems unfair that one has to deal with it, because it usually becomes a predictor of disappointing outcomes. And for me to say that self esteem is easy to improve, I would be misleading. But that's why you start slowly. You push yourself each morning to believe in the positive. One day at a time, you find ways to hang out with positive people. Maybe you join a "positive" club or organization. Maybe you make it a habit to watch happy shows. Perhaps you read about the power of positive thinking. And even if there are bad days, and reasons for one to be down (and we all have them), you say to yourself, "tomorrow will be better."

      This is not as easy as I make it sound. But the best way, is to start "today". Write down a few things that you will improve upon. Write down positives you will seek. Add to the list as often as you can. And whenever you have a bad situation, maybe write down how that will improve as well, and get to it.

      I can go on. I can give examples. But the first step begins right this very moment. For you see, each step, even small steps towards a more positive life, are valuable. And then after some time, the outcomes will be more frequent than the steps. Sort of like those who set a goal to lose some weight....even though it does not happen overnight, once the improvement is noticed, the rest becomes easier as the results speak for themselves.

      Good luck with it, and believe it can change for you.

      Specifically, as for your life, you are already saying the right things with regard to your career. You are showing positive insight as to your skillset. You are good at those things, and as a result, you are blessed. You will derive positive outcomes, and if you can apply the same thing to other aspects of your day to day world, you will be quite successful!

      :thumb:
      That's a good idea, but you're right it is not that easy to do. A lot of society has become focused on negativity and failure and often those negative movies and stories are what people like watch and read about.

      (See Game of Thrones for reference).

      On a side note I have taken steps to ensure that my quality of life is gradually becoming better and I've already seen positive results so that's a good sign.

      But yah I think you are right it is kind of a journey and you have to get their on your own time and at your own pace. Thanks for the advice I'm going to try some of the steps you recommended.
      sigpic

      "Maybe if he had an iron suit or a magic hammer...."

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      • #4
        Can has some great advise!

        Also, keep in mind.. we tend to be what we surround ourselvs with. Surround yourself with megative thoughts, things and people, and you'll become that. But, keep yourself aorund positive thoughts, people and things and you'll become that.

        Do the things you enjoy. If I recall, awhile back weren't you getting into working out a bit? If you enjoyed it, do it! Or.. if you enjoy some sort of hobby, get into it! That will keep the mind focused.

        Also.. remember... habits take approx 30 to make or break. So, start each day with good thoughts. Decide EACH morning that TODAY is going to be the best day of your life!!!! Maybe look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself 5 things about yourself you like. I know, sounds cheesy.. but you're in the privacy of your own home, so no need to feel embarassed!!!!

        Whatever you end up doing.. good luck!!!! You got this!!!
        *2011 BCMB Locker Room Division I League Champion*
        *Voted; 2013 & 2015 BCMBA's Scariest Mod*
        *Voted; 2014 BCMBA's Best Avi and Most Friendly*


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        • #5
          Originally posted by ebsoria View Post
          Can has some great advise!

          Also, keep in mind.. we tend to be what we surround ourselvs with. Surround yourself with megative thoughts, things and people, and you'll become that. But, keep yourself aorund positive thoughts, people and things and you'll become that.

          Do the things you enjoy. If I recall, awhile back weren't you getting into working out a bit? If you enjoyed it, do it! Or.. if you enjoy some sort of hobby, get into it! That will keep the mind focused.

          Also.. remember... habits take approx 30 to make or break. So, start each day with good thoughts. Decide EACH morning that TODAY is going to be the best day of your life!!!! Maybe look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself 5 things about yourself you like. I know, sounds cheesy.. but you're in the privacy of your own home, so no need to feel embarassed!!!!

          Whatever you end up doing.. good luck!!!! You got this!!!
          Yah I think it is getting harder and harder to do that especially when all my favorite shows and movies are so negative lol.

          I do love working out and that reminds me I need to hit the gym today so thank you for that! I've actually started meditating (off and on), because it calms my ADD mind and helps me focus my thoughts.

          I think when I do that it is easier to think clearly and keep positive in light of so much swirling chaos.

          And that's not a bad rule either, 5 good things about yourself...sounds like I have a new morning routine!
          sigpic

          "Maybe if he had an iron suit or a magic hammer...."

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          • #6
            I think everyone has this from time to time. Really anyone that says they don't is probably lying to themselves. I have found that turning those thoughts of self doubt into goals for improvement is how I have "gotten over it."

            We all have things about ourselves that we don't particularly like, but often times these are things we can change! I hung a whiteboard up in my house that I write my goals down on then create some sort of measurable system to say how did I improve myself today to get towards this goal. (Sounds weird I know but I am an engineer) So now when I start to have the self doubt things I have a visual thing (my whiteboard) that says you know you may not be at that final point but look at all this stuff you did to make progress getting there.

            I think Eb's thoughts on this are key too. Surrounding yourself with positive thoughts and a good environment will really go a long way to helping with issues of self doubt. Actually one of the reasons I decided to get my pup was to simply bring a general/constant joy into the house. Now I'm not saying go get a dog....just saying that i have really noticed the difference that his positiveness (he is literally always happy I think haha) has brought to me.
            sigpic

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            • #7
              Sometimes you have to reflect on the accomplishments you've achieved and realize how big those achievements are. The fact that you worked out and found a love for that? It's a HUGE deal. Same with your other person revelations that you've mentioned in other threads.

              It's about using those as a foundation to creating the new and better you. Without a doubt you will suffer through those days where you just feel like crap about yourself, but it's about how you bounce back from that. What I realized with myself is that I use to run away from my problems as much as I could in a subconscious level. Now I try to change that by facing my problems head on, even if that is in the most miniscule way possible, it is still an improvement!

              Good luck man!

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