If the time comes, and the situation pops up.

[Johnny Law Man]

Alrighty, let me start this out with saying that my dad is not racist.
So I met this girl about two weeks ago; I know it doesn't seem long, but I really have feelings for this girl and plus, I've known her from school, just never talked to her.
Well, she's on vacation now, and I really miss her. She comes back tomorrow though so it's all good!
Well, to get back on topic, I really have feelings for her, and I think that I can sense that she has feelings for me. The blockade is her boyfriend, who happens to be one of my best friends. And, another obstitcle is that shes Peurto Rican.
So, if she dumps this guy, I wouldn't actually get with her until a month or two after, so then he wouldn't get mad.
Alright, now, if we happened to get together, I really don't think my father would appreciate me going out with a Peurto Rican, again not that he's racist, but it's like, well, you know... Just doesn't feel right.
So, if I really love and have feelings for this girl, should I ignore what my dad thinks, or should I just stay really really good friends with her in spite of what my father thinks?

What your dad thinks shouldn't matter to you...he's not dating her...
I wouldn't snake out your buddy's girlfriend though...Damn, RTB7, there are plenty-O girls out there...why would you consider taking a friends?

[broncosphreek]

we are all the same inside, (unless you have a deformity or donated your kidney or something)

[Jared]

No, he seems very nice to her while shes visiting.

Yeah. I think you misunderstand why your dad gets upset.

I think you need to just ask him flat out what he thinks.

[ReleaseTheBeast7]

Well, if you come home late, no, I don't expect that distinction matters much. Breaking rules is breaking rules.

But he never says to your brother that he disapproves of her or that she is not welcome in his house?

No, he seems very nice to her while shes visiting.

[Jared]

So, I guess, if i'm out with her as boyfriend and girlfriend. Or i'm out with his as best friend, it doesn't make too much of a difference.

Well, if you come home late, no, I don't expect that distinction matters much. Breaking rules is breaking rules.

But he never says to your brother that he disapproves of her or that she is not welcome in his house?

[ReleaseTheBeast7]

Well, then, that sounds like he is scapegoating her instead of holding your brother for his own actions. Maybe he has a soft spot for you guys. I missed curfew once. My dad locked me out. And I was banging pretty hard. I had to walk to my cousin's house. My aunt was expecting me. My dad was pretty sure I'd go there first, since they were the closest.

I got chewed out the next morning. By my Aunt at breakfast, and then by my dad when I got home. I never missed curfew again.

That is a good reason to be angry. Just angry at the wrong person.

So, I guess, if i'm out with her as boyfriend and girlfriend. Or i'm out with his as best friend, it doesn't make too much of a difference.

[Jared]

Actually, come to think of it, my dad only slams her when my brothers out with her until 2 AM.

Well, then, that sounds like he is scapegoating her instead of holding your brother for his own actions. Maybe he has a soft spot for you guys. I missed curfew once. My dad locked me out. And I was banging pretty hard. I had to walk to my cousin's house. My aunt was expecting me. My dad was pretty sure I'd go there first, since they were the closest.

I got chewed out the next morning. By my Aunt at breakfast, and then by my dad when I got home. I never missed curfew again.

That is a good reason to be angry. Just angry at the wrong person.

[ReleaseTheBeast7]

And what does your dad say about that? Anything? Clearly, your brother is allowed to date her. What does your brother say about it? Does he get crap?

Actually, come to think of it, my dad only slams her when my brothers out with her until 2 AM.

[Jared]

I know that he wouldn't approve because my brother is dating a South American girl.

And what does your dad say about that? Anything? Clearly, your brother is allowed to date her. What does your brother say about it? Does he get crap?


Maybe he is frustrated by the question itself, because it implies that he is bigoted.

Or maybe, he just doesn't realize that he deep down, wants you to have a traditional Italian wife. That isn't bigotry. That's just realizing that your kids aren't going to do everything you dreamed for them, because they make their own decisions.


I think maybe you need to really talk to him about it. This sounds like there is some miscommunciation or assumptions on both parties.

[ReleaseTheBeast7]

Isn't that the same thing as having a problem with it?

Ok.


For the sake of discussion, what reasons does he give?


Or does he give no reason other than "Because I said so"

PS - If it happens to be one of my cousins, you'd better be good to her.

He wouldn't do much, he'd probably say. "I don't give a , you do what you want." But I know he'd say that out of frustration.

Of couse man!

[ReleaseTheBeast7]

Of course, you could be making assumptions. Why don't you ask him what he thinks about you dating a non-white girl, in general, before just assuming he'd be all up in arms about it.

I know that he wouldn't approve because my brother is dating a South American girl.

anyway:

1) Don't steal your friends girl.

2) Don't date your friends ex unless you thinkit could be long term, because otherwise, you may end up with neither in your life.

Well, he's not one of my best friends, but me and him are pretty cool. Thing is, he's going to a different school next year, so I will basically lose touch with him(Just like most high school buddies do once you don't see them after awhile).

[Jared]

No, he doesn't have a problem with hispanics/africans, he just doesn't feel that I should date of the caucasion race.

Isn't that the same thing as having a problem with it?

Ok.


For the sake of discussion, what reasons does he give?


Or does he give no reason other than "Because I said so"

PS - If it happens to be one of my cousins, you'd better be good to her.

[Jared]

The general idea of "He's not racist, but he doesn't want me to date a PR girl" contradicts itself. That's basically being racist/discrimnatory. But I would do what feels best for you.

Its not technically racism, it is bigotry. Puerto Ricans can be white or black or Native Taino, Arawak, or Caribe. Usually we are a mix of all of these 'ethnic' groups.

[ReleaseTheBeast7]

The general idea of "He's not racist, but he doesn't want me to date a PR girl" contradicts itself. That's basically being racist/discrimnatory. But I would do what feels best for you.

No, he doesn't have a problem with hispanics/africans, he just doesn't feel that I should date of the caucasion race.

[Jared]

Alrighty, let me start this out with saying that my dad is not racist.

So I met this girl about two weeks ago; I know it doesn't seem long, but I really have feelings for this girl and plus, I've known her from school, just never talked to her.

Well, she's on vacation now, and I really miss her. She comes back tomorrow though so it's all good!

Well, to get back on topic, I really have feelings for her, and I think that I can sense that she has feelings for me. The blockade is her boyfriend, who happens to be one of my best friends. And, another obstitcle is that shes Peurto Rican.

So, if she dumps this guy, I wouldn't actually get with her until a month or two after, so then he wouldn't get mad.

Alright, now, if we happened to get together, I really don't think my father would appreciate me going out with a Peurto Rican, again not that he's racist, but it's like, well, you know... Just doesn't feel right.

So, if I really love and have feelings for this girl, should I ignore what my dad thinks, or should I just stay really really good friends with her in spite of what my father thinks?

I admire you trying to stand up for your dad, but at the least, he sounds close minded. Of course, you could be making assumptions. Why don't you ask him what he thinks about you dating a non-white girl, in general, before just assuming he;d be all up in arms about it.


anyway:

1) Don't steal your friends girl.

2) Don't date your friends ex unless you thinkit could be long term, because otherwise, you may end up with neither in your life.

3) If you do date her, and your dad doesn't approve, then it sucks to be him. he can make your life very difficult, but that's a close-minded and dumb reason to do so.