Disrespectful Kids

[rascal]

I think nix summed it up pretty well. If you don't discipline your kids, which in my opinion shows lack of love, then they will walk all over you. As my wife stated the other day when we were talking about punishment she said, "punishing the kids makes their lives better, they may not think it today, but it will improve their way of living in the future." I have to agree, besides being a good husband and never disagreeing with my wife who is always correct HAHAHAH, because if they aren't disciplined what is to prevent them from living a life of crime at an early age, and once that is started it is hard to stop.

One thing that is bad, and which my mother in law did to her children, was get out of hand for her punishment. She often whipped out the belt for no reason and her kids were often oblivious as to why they were being punished. My dad, and I do the same now, would sit me down and talk to me before he spanked me. He would tell me why what I did was wrong and why he was punishing me. That way I knew it was for a reason, and that way both of us weren't mad, although I was sore, and it helped me have respect for him rather than fear, which a child should never have for their parents. My wife and I also had a tradition that the immediate punishment, often for smaller things, were done by my wife, whereas I would deal with the larger things. Since most things happened during the day, my wife calls me and tells me what happens, so that by the time I get home I have calmed down and approach things with a cool head, besides giving our children the time to think about what they have done before punishment. Another thing I found is that when I don't give out punishment for a particular event, although they know they should have and expected it, they don't have a repeat of that issue. But if they do have a repeat, then they get a large punishment instead because they were shown mercy but took advantage of it. Sorry for the length.

[orang/blu in LA]

Originally posted by orangenblue420
Can you believe that crap.....the cop threatened to turn me in or whatever because I told my daughter to shut up after talking back to THEM.....blew my freakin mind....how are we supposed to teach our children respect and how to behave when our own law enforcement/government doesnt allow it....

I have lost total respect for my cities PD after that, I mean I know that it was just that one cop but still, come on

That is the most ridiculous thing i've ever heard. Sounds like a cop on a power trip... totally ridiculous. i'd have been FURIOUS, and probably would've embarked on some big letter writing campaign teach that cop a lesson... but then again i have too much time on my hands.

[Return of Lava]

Originally posted by orangenblue420
I told her to shut up, because she cant talk like that to an adult, nevermind a police officer....well check this out, the cop told ME to be quiet, she didnt want to have to make this into a domestic call also.....

honestly, i would not care what that cop says, (s)he cant do nothing to you for telling your own kid to shut up. I would say it again and again. If that cop dont like it so what, i wouldnt let my kid get away with nothing, no matter who is standing there. That does make me mad though.

[rascal]

Originally posted by Return of Lava
honestly, i would not care what that cop says, (s)he cant do nothing to you for telling your own kid to shut up. I would say it again and again. If that cop dont like it so what, i wouldnt let my kid get away with nothing, no matter who is standing there. That does make me mad though.

The cop could arrest you, which she would have gotten in trouble for since she had no basis, but the inconvienence of it would have been enough of a deturrent for me. Although I would have documented it and then written a letter to someone (police chief, DA, or newspaper).

[Return of Lava]

I have a way with words that i use when i talk to people i am trying to discipline(lil sister lil cousins lil step brother) and i think it works just as well as a spankin, of course if they are trying to ignore me, i will get physical, but they always know what i am sayin is for thier better. I feel like i already have to be a father to some of my own family members. I mean, my little sister is spoiled as hell, i mean SPOILED. she is in a wheelchair paralyzed and all, but so what, we are used to that part, but the special treatment she gets is way uncaleld for. There are so many examples i could give you but i wont so just trust me. I tell her all the time to do stuff cause she is getting just so lazy and spoiled it is ridiculous, and she might not like me sometimes but i cant bear to see her as an adult and spoiled as she is now.

[Return of Lava]

Originally posted by rascal
The cop could arrest you, which she would have gotten in trouble for since she had no basis, but the inconvienence of it would have been enough of a deturrent for me. Although I would have documented it and then written a letter to someone (police chief, DA, or newspaper).

i respect the cops and the law and all that, but i would get straight pissed if a cop tried to handcuff me for telling my kid to shut up. I am dead serious, i would be mad as hell after all the TV i see drunk people cussin out an officer and all they get is a warning, but i tell my kid to shut up and you try to arrest me? ooo i would not like that.

[orangenblue420]

Originally posted by Return of Lava
honestly, i would not care what that cop says, (s)he cant do nothing to you for telling your own kid to shut up. I would say it again and again. If that cop dont like it so what, i wouldnt let my kid get away with nothing, no matter who is standing there. That does make me mad though.

Well it was a woman cop, and being a woman myself I feel I can say this, but they are the worst....I have yet to meet a woman cop who wasnt on a power trip or who didnt think they had something to prove.....

Anyways, Lava, you have a good point but it was a catch 22, I couldnt sit there and argue with a cop and at the same time try to teach my daughter a lesson in respect for authority.....On the other hand I do want my children to know that just because someone is in a position of authority doesnt automatically make them right......

And rascal, you have a great plan, I think all parents should work together when raising their kids and should not contradict one another....the divorce rate is making that difficult though. From my experience it is extremely difficult being both.....Its hard to dish out the right amount of discipline and not look like a total b!tch all the time......but hey, you make do......

[Return of Lava]

Originally posted by orangenblue420
Anyways, Lava, you have a good point but it was a catch 22, I couldnt sit there and argue with a cop and at the same time try to teach my daughter a lesson in respect for authority

LOL i just thought about that. that was what you were telling your daughter to shut up for. that's one of those things you realize after you go back inside and calm down, then you chuckle.

[Jared]

Re: Disrespectful Kids

Originally posted by pikman


I tell my kids to call my friends Mr. and Mrs., but my friends insist the kids call them by their first names. Fighting an uphill battle.

IMHO

What you need to do is simply pull your adult friends aside and say, politely, that you have instructed your children to address adults a certain way, and that out of respect for you, could they please stop giving the kids ideas contradictory to what you have taught them. A real friend will understand.

I personally do not want my friends kids (ok, so only one has a child old enough to speak, but still...) calling me by my first name. That's my opinion.

[rascal]

Re: Re: Disrespectful Kids

Originally posted by Jared
What you need to do is simply pull your adult friends aside and say, politely, that you have instructed your children to address adults a certain way, and that out of respect for you, could they please stop giving the kids ideas contradictory to what you have taught them. A real friend will understand.

I personally do not want my friends kids (ok, so only one has a child old enough to speak, but still...) calling me by my first name. That's my opinion.

I wouldn't want to either, but still they should at first, then once it has been established then they can call you by your first name.

Thanks for the compliment OB420.

[pikman]

Re: Re: Disrespectful Kids

Originally posted by Jared
What you need to do is simply pull your adult friends aside and say, politely, that you have instructed your children to address adults a certain way, and that out of respect for you, could they please stop giving the kids ideas contradictory to what you have taught them. A real friend will understand.

I personally do not want my friends kids (ok, so only one has a child old enough to speak, but still...) calling me by my first name. That's my opinion.

I get the arguement back that "It makes me feel old", get a grip, you are old. They think the kids relate to them better. BS, kids don't relate to adults it just doesn't happen.

[THE SHIELD]

Originally posted by orang/blu in LA
First - Dhall26, you crack me up.

Second, i think it has to do with manners and people raising their kids in a way where they actually THINK about others. it seems so simple, but yet there are so many people i know who seem to live in a bubble and who think they are ENTITLED to things. they're the ones who go through someone's fridge, and i guarantee they're not thinking about asking permission or wondering if the person just spent their last twenty bucks on the food they're about to steal...b/c for them, it's all about THEM and no one else. i have one friend who gets invited out to dinner and says how excited she is to order the filet mignon - b/c she knows SOMEONE ELSE is paying for it. That kills me. I don't care how much money someone has, when i get taken out to dinner, i always order something cheaper than what the person paying ordered.

I understand. Let me just say this, I was in Target on Sunday picking up a few things and on my way out, a little kid (approximately 4 years of age) and his mother were walking, and the little boy stops to mess with the pay phones, he picks them up and starts yelling in the mouthpiece and then banging the reciever, his mother politely says "Caleb, honey, let's go" the boy says "No, not now" and the mother says "Caleb, if you come we'll get an icee" What kind of crap is that. If that would have been me , just 23 years ago, my mother would have said "DHall if you don't get your ass a going I'm going to leave you here" or she would have said "I'm giving you 3 seconds to come on or that phone cord is going to be wrapped around your neck!!!!" I definitely wouldn't have gotten an ICEE!!!

[pikman]

Originally posted by dhall26
I definitely wouldn't have gotten an ICEE!!!

I'da needed the Icee for my sore assee.

[THE SHIELD]

Originally posted by pikman
I'da needed the Icee for my sore assee.

Icee very bad Pikman, you verry bad! you need spanky!

[Jared]

Re: Re: Re: Disrespectful Kids

Originally posted by rascal
I wouldn't want to either, but still they should at first, then once it has been established then they can call you by your first name.

No. Any child, or anyone hwo is not a co-worker, friend or otherwise a peer, should never assume to call anyone by their first name unless explicitly asked to by said adult. I call my General Manager Mr. So-and-So, and he has never asked me to use his first name. My immediate supervisor has said to simpluy use the first name, but that'
s different. We are co-workers. If some kid just calls me Jared, I will certianly tell them that my name is Mr. ******, only my wife and friends call me Jared. Politely of course.


In regards to the other sub-topic about discipline, my father spanked up to a point. Spanking a teenager just embarasses them, I think. Teenagers can certainly be told WHY they are being punished, and what the future expectation of them is, without hitting them. But my dad also spanked after using alot of other techniques.

Let's say he wanted me to mow the lawn on a Saturday, and I was playing a video game or listening to my new record or cassette. I would say something along the lines of "When I am done" or "sure, In a bit". To which his response was one of the following:

1) Unplug my electronic device and say "My requests are non-negotiable, don't make me order you to do something."

2) Stand there and wait to make sure that the second I was "finished" he would follwo me to watch me start the errand while saying something like "Sorry, didn't realize that what you were doing was so important".

3) If he was grumpy or had asked already, he would get curt and say "You know, the freedoms I took a bullet in Vietnam fighting for don't include the freedom for you to not do what I say" This was the most effective.

Spanking was only after other avenues failed.

But he wasn't really a hard-ass. He was also my baseball coach, basketball coach, scoutmaster, and along with my mom, cheerleader. Even when he was working a part time job at Christmas to make ends meet or driving to into Philly to finish his masters, he never ever missed a play, pageant, game, or whatever, for any of the 5 of us kids. He just understood when to discipline appropriately.