Disrespectful Kids

[Jared]

Originally posted by pikman
Different strokes for different folks Jared. Let me know how that goes for ya? Thank god I'm thru all that.

Oh, won't matter to me. I am excited, but if the girl is dry and fed, I have no problems letter her cry all night. I sleep like a rock. Doesn't mean I won't love her. Especially once they get to be 2 or 3 and should be sleeping through the whole night like an adult. I actually amd worried that I won't hear her crying when my wife is on call.

And it may different folks for different strokes, but all I know is that everything I have read based on decades of research shows that in terms of social development, allowing your child to sleep in bed with you really hinders their ability to have peers their own age and it can lead to serious seperation anxiety issues when they start school. All they want is to be with Mom and Dad, because they don't feel safe otherwise. Admittedly, children that young don't understand any of this, they want what they want. But when they know they can't get what they they want, they do give up. When they realize that their bed is where they belong, they look forward to it.

moonshot, does your girlfriend read to her child in their bed? Its so old school but it can do wonders for helping this along. And she HAS to be patient and firm about telling the child that they have to sleep in their own bed. The crying and resistance will be tremendous. The child will grow out of this, but there is such a huge opportunity to teach something valuable here. And reading to a child is also helpful for developing their language skills.
Also, let me ask: Is bed time the same time every night? Is there any set routine?

This is not your child, so it is tough, but if you are going to be there in the long term, ESPECIALLY if you are going to be sharing the rent, then you get equal input into the rules of the house. And that could be sticky unless you talk to her about it now (living together, not how to raise her child).

[moonshot314]

you are right we get along really well but i think if anything will do it it will be that.. i get along great with the child but its a strain.. im willing to accept the fact that when you have children you dont have much alone time.. but when the child is in bed with you every nite not much alone time turns into no alone time.. she wants me to be in a position of disciplne but i cant do that cuz the two of us have different ideas on discpiline obviously.. shes the one that caves and im for tough love..

[orangenblue420]

Originally posted by moonshot314
i have sleepless nights every nite.. when she says its bedtime she goes to the big bed rather than hers and gets comfortable much to my dismay.. especially when the bed really isnt big enough to hold 3 people.. i dont believe the child has slept alone in 5 or 6 months.. and haha sex is kinda like the man on the moon.. its happened before but not in a really long time

And that right there is what I feel the biggest problem will be...more than what it does to the child, which, to be honest, im not sure of, it WILL ruin your relationship with the mom...like I said, please make sure the habit has been broken BEFORE you two get a place together.....

Too bad your a chiefie fan, id give you my number (or you can just check the bathroom wall of the Broncos lockerroom if you really want it )

[moonshot314]

but yet she wonders why im so irritated in the morning when i wake up with no blanket and shoved to the edge of the bed because the two of them have taken up all of the space and blanket.. im sleeping on the couch tonite!

[moonshot314]

i have sleepless nights every nite.. when she says its bedtime she goes to the big bed rather than hers and gets comfortable much to my dismay.. especially when the bed really isnt big enough to hold 3 people.. i dont believe the child has slept alone in 5 or 6 months.. and haha sex is kinda like the man on the moon.. its happened before but not in a really long time

[pikman]

Originally posted by Jared
A child should be sleeping in their own bed from the day they come home from the hospital, this according to the literature I am cureently reading and my wife, who is studying. Its hard, but you are going to have to let them cry after checking diapers and attempting feeding. eventually they associate their bed with sleep, not yours. The longer she waits, the harder it will be. You'll probably have some sleepless nighst as the baby cries and cries, but patience is so important.

Different strokes for different folks Jared. Let me know how that goes for ya? Thank god I'm thru all that.

[Jared]

Originally posted by moonshot314
ok in light of the conversation i would like to ask a question if you all dont mind.. i dont have any children of my own.. but my girl does.. she has a daughter that is 2 and a half years old.. what age is a good age for the child to start sleeping in her own bed? i honestly dont like the fact that she allows her to sleep with us everytime i am there.. as we are currently looking for our own house together i have been wondering about this.. but the child is hers from a previous and not mine so i dont try to discpiline the child at all i dont feel its my place ya know? but i have seen this 2 year old slap and hit and throw things and she just tells her its ok and gives her her way.. i cannot stand to see this it pisses me off like no other but i continue to be mute.. i know she will get mad if i tell her how to raise her child.. but this i believe will cause issues in the future but i do realize its her fault for allowing the child to be that way.. but for lack of personal experience with children im askin am i wrong that i dont think this child should be sleeping with us every nite?

A child should be sleeping in their own bed from the day they come home from the hospital, this according to the literature I am cureently reading and my wife, who is studying. Its hard, but you are going to have to let them cry after checking diapers and attempting feeding. eventually they associate their bed with sleep, not yours. The longer she waits, the harder it will be. You'll probably have some sleepless nighst as the baby cries and cries, but patience is so important.

[moonshot314]

thank you for the input

[pikman]

Hey Moonshot...Just from my experience...

I've got a 5 and 3 year old at home. We went thru a similar situation with both of them.

They didn't sleep in our bed, but my wife had to sleep in their beds most nights...up until they were both about 2yrs old. About this time they actually got sick of having her in their beds and now they both sleep great, all alone in their own rooms.

My thinking on the whole subject is that eventually (some longer than others) they outgrow this need. Eventually that little girl will decide she needs her own space, and she'll be happy as a clam in her own room. Based on the kids background (father) she may be a little more clingy than other kids, but look at whats more important...the grown up or the child that has greater needs,

Just my experience and opinion.

[orangenblue420]

Originally posted by moonshot314
so how do i go about saying hey your child needs to sleep in her own bed?

Like i said, discuss it rationally and calmly. Tell her how you feel about it, tell her the problems you see with it and do a little background work to have some facts to fall back on....But its definately something you need to work on BEFORE moving in together.....break the child NOW, not later.....

[moonshot314]

thanks a million orange and blue

[orangenblue420]

Well she is in the habit now so it will be extremely hard to break but that is something you two need to do. My suggestion is talking about it, figure out a plan that you both agree on and follow through no matter what. You will have to be the rock and there may be some hard feelings at first, but if you trully want it to work, it will turn out OK.

As far as the dad is concenered, first its a legal issue. If the law says he has a right to be in her life, then he does. If he chooses not to or the law says he is unfit then more of the responsibility will fall onto you. And again, you have to think long and hard before taking that resoponsibility.

As far as the "not my dad" thing. If you plan on being in it for the long haul and you love her it wont matter. My real dad died when I was four. My mom met a man and they got married shortly after (her and my real dad were getting divorced when he died). That man has been my "father" since I was four. I know no other dad. He is my DAD and will always be my dad, he loves me like one of his own (actually him and my mom had two kids together and im still his favorite ) The funny thing is he's black and I am whiter than white. But I call him my dad and he calls me his daughter whenever we introduce each other or talk about each other, cause thats what we are to each other. (Funny side note: you should see people when we do introduce each other, its funny, some people ask why im so light skinned....mind you, I have blonde hair, green eyes, and very little pigmentation, I have and Irish background....LOL)

The words, you are not my dad, have NEVER been uttered from my lips, cause he is my dad....he raised me, he loved me, he disciplined me, now thats what a dad is......

[moonshot314]

so how do i go about saying hey your child needs to sleep in her own bed?

[moonshot314]

we will just say the kids father is not exactly a model citizen..he also liked to get physical and not nice physical if you know what i mean.. that is why the seperated.. i think the habit of the kid sleeping with her is cuz she always slept alone so she let her sleep with her and it just became habit.. now when we go to bed we are followed.. and then the kid screams and cries and it seems like she wont tell the kid no.. and the thing that worries me also is that if everything works out then in a few years i dont want to be hearing the statement "well youre not my dad i dont have to listen to you".. i saw several of my friends pull that one out when i was a child

[orangenblue420]

Originally posted by moonshot314
ok in light of the conversation i would like to ask a question if you all dont mind.. i dont have any children of my own.. but my girl does.. she has a daughter that is 2 and a half years old.. what age is a good age for the child to start sleeping in her own bed? i honestly dont like the fact that she allows her to sleep with us everytime i am there.. as we are currently looking for our own house together i have been wondering about this.. but the child is hers from a previous and not mine so i dont try to discpiline the child at all i dont feel its my place ya know? but i have seen this 2 year old slap and hit and throw things and she just tells her its ok and gives her her way.. i cannot stand to see this it pisses me off like no other but i continue to be mute.. i know she will get mad if i tell her how to raise her child.. but this i believe will cause issues in the future but i do realize its her fault for allowing the child to be that way.. but for lack of personal experience with children im askin am i wrong that i dont think this child should be sleeping with us every nite?

Now pre warning.....this is just advice, do with it what you will....

First, if you two are moving in together, then you should have SOME say in what the child does and how the child behaves, if she doesnt want that, then your relationship needs to stay on a strictly dating level.

Second, spare the rod, spoil the chld. My belief anyhow, although it is much easier said than done. Also, the girl is 2, there is a reason they call it "the terrible twos" Kids have a tendency to throw tantrums and be brats at that age, but that is when you nip it in the bud or they never get past that "phase" She needs a good paddle on the rear, here and there.

Third, sleeping in the parents bed is taboo as far as im concerned....there are occassions that its ok....i.e. nightmares, thunderstorms, not feeling well, or as just a reward but it definately should NOT be done a a regular basis, esp. if you two plan on moving in together. For obvious reasons its not a good thing for a relationship. Its one thing to hop in your parents bed in the morning to watch cartoons or something but not to sleep....But if you want some "expert" advice, I know you can go on line and find a ton....some ppl dont like Dr. Phil but he made some good points on this whole subject but my short term memory escpaes me at the moment, therefore you will have to do a little research....

My advice to you is to think long and hard before letting this woman and her child move in with you (or you all living together)...does this child have an active father in her life???

If not and you plan on all being together it will and should become your responsibility...it is a lot better for kids to have both figures, regardless of who they are, but it does take a village to raise a child and its not an easy thing to do on your own...she is probably having a real hard time balancing discipline with love...i know I do, i tend to spoil and overcompensate and it hurts more than it helps....trust me