Disrespectful Kids

[moonshot314]

ok in light of the conversation i would like to ask a question if you all dont mind.. i dont have any children of my own.. but my girl does.. she has a daughter that is 2 and a half years old.. what age is a good age for the child to start sleeping in her own bed? i honestly dont like the fact that she allows her to sleep with us everytime i am there.. as we are currently looking for our own house together i have been wondering about this.. but the child is hers from a previous and not mine so i dont try to discpiline the child at all i dont feel its my place ya know? but i have seen this 2 year old slap and hit and throw things and she just tells her its ok and gives her her way.. i cannot stand to see this it pisses me off like no other but i continue to be mute.. i know she will get mad if i tell her how to raise her child.. but this i believe will cause issues in the future but i do realize its her fault for allowing the child to be that way.. but for lack of personal experience with children im askin am i wrong that i dont think this child should be sleeping with us every nite?

[mattos]

Originally posted by dhall26
I think the reason why kids are so darn messed up, is that there are not enough ass whoopings! Bring back the paddle, and instill the fear back into the kids. What ever happened to the phrase "What did you Say to Me?" and then Pow! "Don't ever tell me No again you little ****!!!!"

From Boyz in the Hood - (approx)

dad to son "i'll pay you $5 to rake the lawn"

son "i can make more than that doing . . ."

dad "oh that's too bad, i'll guess i'll have to get my son to do it. go rake the law."


I'm all full of movie quotes today. i'm also all for spanking and saying mr. and mrs. as far as mr and mrs goes, if the kid is raised to respect older people then i guess they don't have to say it, but i don't see the point in not requiring them too. especially since our society as a whole uses those terms. parents who think they're being enlightened by letting their kids use first names remind me of middleschooler's complaining about the rules at school - yes the dress code is a bid arbitrary, but that's not the point. saying mr and mrs just isn't that hard to do. and since its just a cultural way of expressing respect, unless you are against respect, you might as well teach your kids to say it.

[BeerGirl]

This is one of the times that it's not good at all:

http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/2794255/detail.html

[BeerGirl]

First of all, I'll say I'm in my mid-twenties. I do not have any children, but I have a 2.5 year old nephew. He has a little "buddy" who is almost 5. The two are completely opposite ends of the spectrum, both in how they have been raised, and how they behave.

My nephew, S, is a doll. He was eating with a fork by the time he turned one, talks in full sentences, is almost fully potty trained (he still has accidents, but he's only 2...!) and behaves well in public. He knows when and how to stand up for himself, is highly educated in the sports department & disney movies, sleeps through the night in his OWN big boy bed.

J, his buddy, is a heathen. He *still* doesn't eat with a fork, can not speak in a full sentence, much less be understood when he does get any words out. He is always up & down & climbing & throwing things & jumping into everything in public. When I went to give my nephew his Christmas present (a Plummer jersey!), J came over & started pulling it out of the box before S could even get to it. He tried to tell my nephew it was "too big for him" and that "he should have it, not my nephew". (My nephew promptly got angry & said "I'm GROWING!")

The difference in raising? Huge...My nephew has been taught since he was days old how to behave--even as a little tyke he would have his toes flicked if he did something wrong (not hard, and not in an abusive manner) and he was taught right from wrong. He gets spankings if he misbehaves, and that is pretty rare. He has always had his own bed to sleep in, in his own room. J gets told "go to the corner" or "Go see your father for a spanking". If he says "no" then he gets away with it. He just barely got his own bed, much less his own room (he has to share it with his 1 year old sister) and was sleeping in the bed with his parents!

Of course, I've also seen the other other end of the spectrum--too much "discipline". My cousins are not allowed to act like children. My oldest cousin got taken away for a while because my uncle would drag her by her ears to the kitchen & make her cook & clean. We're working on getting CPS to investigate the family & are waiting out for her 18th birthday next month. There is a time & a place for spanking & I'm totally for it, but my immediate family's belief is never hit with anything but the hand--then you know how hard you are hitting the child & you feel it yourself. Wasn't a time that my mom spanked me that she didn't hurt more than I did.

[Jared]

Originally posted by bcollin1
I'll ask opinions on this one:

One of my very good friends has two kids, one just turned 12 and the other 8 (boy/girl, respectively).

We both live in the same apartment complex, and we both know several people from hanging out at the pool so much last summer. So one night, we're hanging out and we start to walk out of the pool when we run into some of the people we know. It's about 9pm, and now all 5 of us are standing outside the gate from the pool.

My friend's 12 year old comes down the steps and asks her what she's doing. She explains that she's talking with us, but that she'll be up in a few minutes. He seems satisfied and goes back upstairs.

Well, we end up laughing it up for about another 15 minutes before he comes back down the stairs again.

First words out of his mouth:
"Mom, you said it would be a few minutes!"
(in this "Bltch, get your ass upstairs" tone...I kid you not)

Now, I'm nearly speechless, because all I can think of is what would have happened to ME if I had said that to MY mom, let alone my dad...but she says "I know, I'm coming."

She says she has to go and hustles upstairs, leaving the other 4 of us with our mouths hanging open.

And no, she was NOT going up to put him to bed or make dinner, and it was summer, so no homework helping either.

Thoughts?

It entirely possible that he had a question that he was too shy to ask in front of people he marginally knows, or it could be that perhaps he took her literally and was annoyed at the fact that she didn't follow through on her "few minutes". Kids can be like that. His tone of voice was not called for though.

Without knowing what he was so impatient for, I can't fully say what was going on there. It is entirely possible that the mother had promised to do something and it had slipped her mind that she made such a promise, and you know how kids are when you have raised their expectations. But no matter what, I would have never used that particular tone of voice, ever. Now as a 12 year old, I might have whined, you know that "Moooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmm.......you said you'd be a few miiiiiiiiiiiiiinuuuuuuuuuuuuutes" and maybe pout or something, but not in that "get your butt up here and cook me dinner woman" voice.

Its also entirely possible that , in her anger or shock, she doesn't know how to excuse herself, but she is embarrassed, and feels the need to go discipline her child ASAP.

[Return of Lava]

Originally posted by bcollin1
Thoughts?

Just say "i'll be there when i get there. go upstairs and wait for me, dont come back down here no more its grown folk bizness."

[orang/blu in LA]

Uh! I'm not sure what i would've done in front of the other people, but when we were alone my kid would KNOW to never be like that again. Then again, in your friend's case (which obviously i know very little about), it sounds like the child thought nothing of behaving like that, so most likely has been like that before. If it was a first time, and the kid had never used that tone or been that disrespectufl, i'd expect the mother to be slightly shocked and perhaps apologetic to you guys as she hurried upstairs to teach her kid some manners.... Let me ask you, is the father around? I'm just curiouis b/c i've seen a few single parent families where the eldest behaves like that.

When i was little i did the same thing to my mom. We were walking home one day after school, and she started talking to a neighbor. I was bored and finally started whining that i wanted to go home. Let me tell you, that was the last time i did that. The look she gave me told me i was in for it, and though i don't think i got a spanking, her words more than made up for it. after that i was never rude like that.

[Jared]

Originally posted by orang/blu in LA
SERIOUSLY! the icee story reminds me of being in a store - it was a Blockbuster, and this kid was throwing a FIT in line, screaming and yelling and disturbing everyone, all b/c he wanted this doll (a Miss Piggy doll, actually) and the salesperson had to take it to ring it up. The kid was old enough NOT to do that, and yet all the mother does is say to him "i told you we'd get you the doll, but we have to PAY for it first." If i did that, the doll would be BYE-BYE. I hate it when parents do nothing and yet everyone else must suffer the lungs of a child enraged.

The key in situations like that is follow through. If your child acts up like that, and you say something, guess what? Don't say it unless you are fully ready to do it. SO if that means leaving, then simply put back the video and leave, and explain that you are leaving because the child could not do what you asked. Even at that early age, it teaches responsibility. It also shows that you mean it when you say something. If you tell a child there will be ramifications, and then there are none, they learn very quickly that you are full of hot air. When we used to act up in teh car, and my parents said to knock it off or we would just go home, they actually did. My dad did that twice. That was all it took for us to understand that "Ok, they are not screwing around" Once was on some day trip to a park, which was no big deal. But the second time was on our way to the Jersey Shore for a week's vacation. We were already on the Atlantic City expressway. My dad turned around at a rest area. Said that we were not having a vacation that summer. We were stunned. My older sister waited an hour and quitely apologized for everything, and said that we all felt bad about wrecking vacation, because they weren't going to get one either. My dad stopped the car and said that "oh no, YOU gusy aren't having a vacation, your mother and I are still going" Apparently, he had called my grandparents and some aunts and uncles on the pay phone at the rest area. (This is why my parents never taught us Spanish!) With the exception of my youngest sister (who was not yet 2 at the time) he had arranged lodging for all of us, and work as well. :-( He also cancelled 2 of the 3 motel rooms he had reserved. We got back home at 3 in the afternoon, assorted relatives came by and picked us all up, and they drove right back down to the shore again with the baby. Needless to say, we never ever EVER fought in the car again. I just brought my walkman and kept my mouth shut after that. I was 8 years old when this happened, and I had to stay with my uncle Will, who was a state trooper. (talk about a hard ass!) I had to go to the the Boys Club every day (since he had to work), and then he would pick me up and I had to walk his dog every night, help him wash his car, and help him pack up his drums for a gig his band had. I also had to clean up the bedroom for his then-girlfriend's son. It was the worst 'vacaction" I ever had. When I wasn;t doing that, I was helping clean out his attic. :-( Oh......and no TV. Books and walkman were ok. But the last day, he let up and took me and a cousin Hersheypark, because he had a day off and he said I had earned it. :-) So THAT was cool.

[rascal]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Disrespectful Kids

Jared,

Sounds like we have cool dad's as mine is very comparable. He was a traveling pharmacist, and he would have to travel to different stores through out the state whenever the regular pharmacist was off. He put 200k miles in 5 years on his car during this time, and he never missed a single football or basketball game of mine, or anyother important event.

[pikman]

Originally posted by orang/blu in LA
SERIOUSLY! the icee story reminds me of being in a store - it was a Blockbuster, and this kid was throwing a FIT in line, screaming and yelling and disturbing everyone, all b/c he wanted this doll (a Miss Piggy doll, actually) and the salesperson had to take it to ring it up. The kid was old enough NOT to do that, and yet all the mother does is say to him "i told you we'd get you the doll, but we have to PAY for it first." If i did that, the doll would be BYE-BYE. I hate it when parents do nothing and yet everyone else must suffer the lungs of a child enraged.

I don't remember it but my dad told me when I was about 5 I was fitting out at the mall, (remember this is back a few years) he said that right there in the middle of the mall he took my pants down and tanned my backside, mostly to smiles and nods from other parents. Think I could get away with that today with my kid. The bleeding hearts are making it easier for kids to get away with more.

Let's say, hypothetically, your kid is fitting out in the mall, we already know you probably won't whup him right there, so you pick him up to take him out to the van. On the way to the van he's yelling and kicking and going on like a brat. Some one sees this, thinks you're abducting the kid and still calls the cops on you. You explain to the officer that you're just taking him to the van to "deal with him", now the cop thinks maybe he's got an abuse case, and the parent is still in shiat.

I say lay it to them in public, spare the child/spoil the rod and deal with the ramifications later.

[Jared]

Re: Re: Re: Disrespectful Kids

Originally posted by pikman
I get the arguement back that "It makes me feel old", get a grip, you are old. They think the kids relate to them better. BS, kids don't relate to adults it just doesn't happen.

Well, I am 28, so I am not old, but to a kid, I am old.

And yes, if I remember correctly, when I was an adolescent, I thought that adults who tried to be my buddy were either weird or pathetic.

[orang/blu in LA]

Originally posted by pikman
I'da needed the Icee for my sore assee.

SERIOUSLY! the icee story reminds me of being in a store - it was a Blockbuster, and this kid was throwing a FIT in line, screaming and yelling and disturbing everyone, all b/c he wanted this doll (a Miss Piggy doll, actually) and the salesperson had to take it to ring it up. The kid was old enough NOT to do that, and yet all the mother does is say to him "i told you we'd get you the doll, but we have to PAY for it first." If i did that, the doll would be BYE-BYE. I hate it when parents do nothing and yet everyone else must suffer the lungs of a child enraged.

[Jared]

Re: Re: Re: Disrespectful Kids

Originally posted by rascal
I wouldn't want to either, but still they should at first, then once it has been established then they can call you by your first name.

No. Any child, or anyone hwo is not a co-worker, friend or otherwise a peer, should never assume to call anyone by their first name unless explicitly asked to by said adult. I call my General Manager Mr. So-and-So, and he has never asked me to use his first name. My immediate supervisor has said to simpluy use the first name, but that'
s different. We are co-workers. If some kid just calls me Jared, I will certianly tell them that my name is Mr. ******, only my wife and friends call me Jared. Politely of course.


In regards to the other sub-topic about discipline, my father spanked up to a point. Spanking a teenager just embarasses them, I think. Teenagers can certainly be told WHY they are being punished, and what the future expectation of them is, without hitting them. But my dad also spanked after using alot of other techniques.

Let's say he wanted me to mow the lawn on a Saturday, and I was playing a video game or listening to my new record or cassette. I would say something along the lines of "When I am done" or "sure, In a bit". To which his response was one of the following:

1) Unplug my electronic device and say "My requests are non-negotiable, don't make me order you to do something."

2) Stand there and wait to make sure that the second I was "finished" he would follwo me to watch me start the errand while saying something like "Sorry, didn't realize that what you were doing was so important".

3) If he was grumpy or had asked already, he would get curt and say "You know, the freedoms I took a bullet in Vietnam fighting for don't include the freedom for you to not do what I say" This was the most effective.

Spanking was only after other avenues failed.

But he wasn't really a hard-ass. He was also my baseball coach, basketball coach, scoutmaster, and along with my mom, cheerleader. Even when he was working a part time job at Christmas to make ends meet or driving to into Philly to finish his masters, he never ever missed a play, pageant, game, or whatever, for any of the 5 of us kids. He just understood when to discipline appropriately.

[dhall26]

Originally posted by pikman
I'da needed the Icee for my sore assee.

Icee very bad Pikman, you verry bad! you need spanky!

[pikman]

Originally posted by dhall26
I definitely wouldn't have gotten an ICEE!!!

I'da needed the Icee for my sore assee.