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  • I need some advice

    Hey guys, I come seeking advice from some of the board's more seasoned veterans. Yeah, you guessed it, girl problems. Ok, here's what's up:

    I've been going out with my girlfriend for just about 5 and half years now, and all but the first year of that has been long distance. We've always dealt with the long distance thing alright, we used to see each other about every 3 or 4 weeks. One of the complications is that, while we're happy to see each other, and always look forward to seeing each other, we inevitably end up fighting about something retarded after like, 1 or 2 days together, and it ruins the visit. Nontheless, I care very much for her, and want nothing but the best for her.

    Anyways, some things have changed, and that's the problem. She's living further away know, and has a very busy schedule, same as me, so we only see each other about every month and a half or so. To complicate things further (this might seem off topic), I finally figured out why I've always been so stressed out and never had fun with anything I do, turns out I have social anxiety disorder. Anyways, I'm taking some pills that keep me from being so anxious, and they've really made a difference. Thing is, i'm loving it here now, I've got some great friends that I finally can really enjoy hanging out with, and now on long weekends and stuff, I find myself wanting to stay here, where I've established a real life for myself, rather than going to stay in my gf's dorm room, surrounded by people I don't know, just so we can do the "physical" stuff every once in a while. We both have projected graduation dates of spring 2007, but she's already made it known that she wants to live in the city, which she knows I hate, while i would prefer to live somewhere smaller. So it's hard to see a future, you know?

    So here's my dilemma, do I break up with a girl who loves me very much, and I care a great deal for (I think it's probably love, but what do I know?) because she's almost a "separate life" for me now? I've talked to her about it, and she's very upset, and doesn't want to break up, but she understands what I'm saying. It's scary, we're pretty good together, what if I throw this away, and never find someone again?

    Anyways, that's what's going on with me right now, it's really difficult, and I have no idea what to do, so I thought I should seek some outsider opinions. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

    I like my defensive tackles like I like my women: well over 300 lbs.
    ABWRFRC

  • #2
    Basically I think it comes down to two things:

    1) if you want to get "phsyical" (as you call it) with someone else

    or

    2) If she isn't satifying you emotionally

    Then you need to just end it, and in my opinion if you are seriously contemplating hooking up with other people, then it is already over. I'd end it before you do something stupid like cheat on her, because face it we are men and we do stupid things.

    If they two above statements are true I would break up with her, try to keep it on good terms though because you never know down the road what will happen. Maybe you guys can just take a break, see if it is what you really want. You guys might break up and realize it was the best thing you could of done, plus your in college right? you should be making many girl "friends" haha

    I hope that helps, probably not but its 9am and I just woke up so who knows if I am making sense yet.
    ---IZAAK

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    • #3
      It basically sounds to me like the two of you are growing apart. It's sad when it happens but it does happen, even to people who care deeply about each other. As for being afraid you'll never find anyone else, the chances of you living the rest of your life alone are extremely minimal, assuming you're not a jerk. No one on here can tell you what to do but it sounds to me that you kind of see the end, don't you?

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      • #4
        For what it's worth.

        It sounds like the end is near but you aren't sure how close, maybe? The fact that you would rather stay where you're at than go to your girlfriend pretty much tells me it's over.

        For me love is defined by a single word: Sacrifice. As your love for someone increases your willingness to sacrifice more of yourself to make them happy increases too. If sacrificing something repeatedly results in growing resentment and bitterness then it isn't sacrifice for love. It's simply doing something to keep from rocking the boat. Not a good thing in matters of love.

        In my own marriage I've given up a lot of things I thought I wouldn't and I'm okay with the absence of those things. Why? Because I love my wife more than those other things that I sacrificed. There's some things that are harder to sacrifice than others but I have partially sacrificed those things for the good of my wife.

        If you decide to end the relationship, my advice is to make it a clean and quick break. Don't try and let her down easy. That never works and the easiest way to let her down is to just break it cleanly.

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        • #5
          the question itself points that you are haveing second thoughts, which leads me to believe that your ready to move on anyway.......if your feelings were true...there would be no question as what to do
          sigpic
          when do native Americans become human and not mascots

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          • #6
            If you can find a chick who will actually stay with you for 4+ years long-distance without cheating, you better keep her. Just live in the damned city. =p

            Chances are, though, she's probably banging some other dude.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Perry1977

              Chances are, though, she's probably banging some other dude.
              HAHA come on, that isnt needed...

              DONT listen to him!!!
              ---IZAAK

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              • #8
                Originally posted by PRBronco
                One of the complications is that, while we're happy to see each other, and always look forward to seeing each other, we inevitably end up fighting about something retarded after like, 1 or 2 days together, and it ruins the visit. Nontheless, I care very much for her, and want nothing but the best for her.
                I used to be in a long distance relationship between Scotland and Chicago (go figure!!) and likewise all we did was fight when we met up ........ it ended really badly with me in tears on a United Airlines flight to Heathrow knowing it was the end ..... it took me a while to realise that we werent meant to be together .......

                Originally posted by PRBronco
                what if I throw this away, and never find someone again?
                If you guys seperate, you will find someone else ....... good luck with your decision. Deep down I am sure you know the answer to your dialema. Act with your gut instinct ...... keep us updated ok??
                [

                Comment


                • #9
                  Hey guys, well, I stepped up and did it. We broke up on thursday, sorry i haven't gotten around to updating you. I'm still not 100% sure if it was the right thing to do, I have some pretty down times, but on the whole, I feel like made the right decision. Don't get me wrong, I still feel terrible, but I think it'll get better. Thanks to everyone who told me what I needed to hear.

                  I like my defensive tackles like I like my women: well over 300 lbs.
                  ABWRFRC

                  Comment

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