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  • #31
    23 things every woman should hear

    1). Learn to work a toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    2). Sunday = sports. It's like a full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be

    3). Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

    4). Crying is blackmail!!

    5). Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work! Strong hints don't work! Obvious hints don't work! Just say it!

    6). Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    7). Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    8). A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. Go see a doctor.

    9). Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days.

    10). If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

    11). If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

    12). If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you feel sad or angry, we meant that other one.

    13). You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. not both and if you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    14). Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

    15). Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

    16). ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is not a color, its a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

    17). If it itches, its going to get scratched.

    18). If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will assume nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but its not worth the hassle.

    19). If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    20). When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, really.

    21). Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as footbal, basketball or cars.

    22). Round is a shape, therefore i am in shape.

    23). Guys don't really mind sleeping on the couch, its like camping.
    I'll duel you left-handed

    "I fell in love with football as I was later to fall in love with women: suddenly, inexplicably, uncritically, giving no thought to the pain or disruption it would bring with it" - Nick Hornby from Fever Pitch


    • #32
      Two little old ladies were attending a rather long church service.
      One leaned over and whispered, "My butt is going to sleep."
      "I know," replied her companion. "I heard it snore three times."