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  • #31
    Older than either of her parents is too old.

    What really matters is that they're happy. Others should just be happy that they've found each other.
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    • #32
      Sorry to be the fly in the ointment, but I'd say 8 years is about the max. I really question the mental and emotional stability of the people involved. What is a 40 year old doing with a girl in her mid-20s? THAT should raise a red flag, and it sounds like it has w/your friend's friends. In a sound relationship, there needs to be equality; whenever there is a large age differential, the relationship takes on a weird quasi-parental quality to it; the older dominates the younger (which IMO is unhealthy). There's A LOT going on under the surface (mid-life crisis? golddigging? Oedipal/Elektric complex?) which no one probably wants to talk about.

      I'm a 40 year old teacher; I'd feel like I was dating one of my students.

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      • #33
        Originally posted by Jaws
        There were a couple in the local newspaper yesterday who'd recently got married.

        She was eighteen and he was 66! That is too much of an age gap IMO
        I think I read about them! Is their last name McCartney?

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        • #34
          Originally posted by Sevenis7
          Sorry to be the fly in the ointment, but I'd say 8 years is about the max. I really question the mental and emotional stability of the people involved. What is a 40 year old doing with a girl in her mid-20s? THAT should raise a red flag, and it sounds like it has w/your friend's friends. In a sound relationship, there needs to be equality; whenever there is a large age differential, the relationship takes on a weird quasi-parental quality to it; the older dominates the younger (which IMO is unhealthy). There's A LOT going on under the surface (mid-life crisis? golddigging? Oedipal/Elektric complex?) which no one probably wants to talk about.

          I'm a 40 year old teacher; I'd feel like I was dating one of my students.
          I disagree.

          You are assuming that the older person has any such parental or dominating qualities to begin with. They may just not want or be able to offer what the dating pool of their own age is seeking.


          Maybe they feel emotinally closer to people younger than them. Does that make them emotionally immature? Maybe. But 'immature' is a relative term in that case.


          Or maybe the younger person finds men her age unattaractive because they generlaly have less stable jobs and finances, and since she already has a child, that is a problem for her.

          In a good realtionship, their doesn't have to be equality, in terms of 50-50, everything is about the same. All there has to be honest communication and agreement about what each person's role is. That's it. As long as both agree to that, then equal is moot. My 34 year old sister married an older guy who believes that he should be served dinner first, and that all child rasing issues are for women. He think's I am secretly homosexual for wearing an earring and changing diapers. He is a first class sexist in my opinion. But my sister is so happy, because all she ever wanted was to be a mom and have kids and be wife like my mom was, and to have a strong-willed husband make decisions To me, their realtionship is completely unequal, but it is what they both want. So, I don't get to say what anyone else's relationship should be or what makes a 'good' relationship (excepting legitmate abuse and fidelity/trust issues).

          I think you are over generalizing and projecting how you would feel onto the situation instead of answering the real, although unverbalized, question. Which is "Is it really anybody's business?"

          And I think we all agree, that what her friends think is moot. She has to make the decision, not them.

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          • #35
            Originally posted by Sevenis7
            Sorry to be the fly in the ointment, but I'd say 8 years is about the max. I really question the mental and emotional stability of the people involved. What is a 40 year old doing with a girl in her mid-20s? THAT should raise a red flag, and it sounds like it has w/your friend's friends. In a sound relationship, there needs to be equality; whenever there is a large age differential, the relationship takes on a weird quasi-parental quality to it; the older dominates the younger (which IMO is unhealthy). There's A LOT going on under the surface (mid-life crisis? golddigging? Oedipal/Elektric complex?) which no one probably wants to talk about.

            I'm a 40 year old teacher; I'd feel like I was dating one of my students.
            There may be some truth in what you say but it hasn't been the case in the big age gap difference relationships I've witnessed. Our minister is married to a man nearly twenty years her senior and there's no doubt that she's the one that wears the pants in that relationship. The same is true of another couple up the road. From what I've seen it's a pretty equal relationship. Look at Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas. I don't think you'd describe her as a mouse being dominated by her husband would you?

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            • #36
              Depends on the guy's income:

              7 figures: 30 years
              8 figures: 60 years.....


              jk

              I really don't have a problem with it as long as they are both adults and over the age of 21. It just seems like a better age, i dunno.

              Then there is my usual rule of thumb: I think it really doesn't matter how old anyone is if they aren't extremely different looking age wise. Like say the guy is 40 yet he looks like a early 30s, then he gets to pass as a 30 year old when someone is counting how many years apart they are.

              I'm not sure if that made ANY sense, but it works in my head!

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              • #37
                My opinion, not that it is much of one is that if she is an adult and they are both okay with it: Go for it. I mean itd be different if say she was 16-17 and he was an adult, becuase then she wouldnt even be considered an adult yet, but my take on it is that once you reach say 20, anythin is alright if YOU and that person are cool wit it, everyone else doesnt really matter do they? Its not much different than say a white person an a black person were together, if they are cool wit it who cares what others think. (I am not trying to make a big deal out of the latter, I honestly feel it is up to the people in the relationship)
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                • #38
                  I am 34 and my wife is 54. I think you might guess what my opinion is.
                  Thanks for the Sig "rjent"sigpic

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                  • #39
                    Originally posted by 16milehigh87
                    I am 34 and my wife is 54. I think you might guess what my opinion is.
                    Wow, dude. That's...


                    ...INCREDIBLE!

                    To me, age is just a number. I have found that I don't mind dating women that some people would say are "significantly" older than me. I went out with a woman who was nearly 20 years my elder when I was 23. I enjoyed it. Let's just say there's definitely something to be said for experience.

                    That being said, the reason that it didn't work is because there wasn't a whole lot in common between us, after we got past the initial attraction. We didn't share very many interests... so in the long run, I see myself ending up with a girl closer to my age. It's fun for a while though.

                    On the other hand, I tend to avoid women that are much younger than me. I'm 27, and unless she and I were like soulmates love at first sight whatever... I'd feel dirty dating a girl that just turned 21. Call me weird.
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                    • #40
                      aside from the perverted stuff...with minors

                      id say love has niether boundries of age nor beauty
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                      • #41
                        Thanks everyone!

                        I showed her what you all had to say... and I think she's going to go for it. She really likes him, and is pretty sure he likes her back, and that's all that really matters in the long run. When they're together, the difference doesn't really show... they have a great time, conversation is smooth, and they are very comfortable together.

                        I think she was just worried that everyone would see it as some sick, twisted thing... but after this thread, full of a bunch of strangers who think it's cool, I don't think she's gonna worry anymore...

                        sigpic

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                        • #42
                          Originally posted by redbirdy80
                          Thanks everyone!

                          I showed her what you all had to say... and I think she's going to go for it. She really likes him, and is pretty sure he likes her back, and that's all that really matters in the long run. When they're together, the difference doesn't really show... they have a great time, conversation is smooth, and they are very comfortable together.

                          I think she was just worried that everyone would see it as some sick, twisted thing... but after this thread, full of a bunch of strangers who think it's cool, I don't think she's gonna worry anymore...


                          Now that you are going to tell her what is his age Just curious
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                          • #43
                            Originally posted by redbirdy80
                            Thanks everyone!

                            I showed her what you all had to say... and I think she's going to go for it. She really likes him, and is pretty sure he likes her back, and that's all that really matters in the long run. When they're together, the difference doesn't really show... they have a great time, conversation is smooth, and they are very comfortable together.

                            I think she was just worried that everyone would see it as some sick, twisted thing... but after this thread, full of a bunch of strangers who think it's cool, I don't think she's gonna worry anymore...

                            To be fair.... it's much easier to think it's cool when you ARE a bunch of strangers. It's an ideological thing. Some of the people close to her will likely see it that way... at least initially. I do think everyone can get past it... and if not... that's their problem... but I do think that it's important to note if she was worried what everyone thinks.

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                            • #44
                              Originally posted by LordTrychon
                              To be fair.... it's much easier to think it's cool when you ARE a bunch of strangers. It's an ideological thing. Some of the people close to her will likely see it that way... at least initially. I do think everyone can get past it... and if not... that's their problem... but I do think that it's important to note if she was worried what everyone thinks.
                              My sister in law (30) started dating a guy that is nearing 50. They click and are hilarious together. The guy is great and treats her well. I have seen her struggle with immature jerks that she dated who wer her age or younger. I guess that is why age difference doesn't matter too much to me.

                              It's all about being with a person that makes you happy. And if someone makes you happy then a good friend will be happy for you regardless of their personal opinion of the situation.
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                              • #45
                                Med...

                                look back at post #20... there are more details. He's 40, but has a son the same age as her son...
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