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The International Council of Manhood, Ltd.

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  • The International Council of Manhood, Ltd.

    Here are the rules to be a Male.

    1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

    2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
    (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
    (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
    (c) After wrecking your boss's car.
    (d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".


    3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed.

    4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

    5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

    6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

    7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

    8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

    9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

    11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

    12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

    13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

    14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

    15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

    16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

    17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

    18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

    19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

    20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

    21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
    a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
    b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
    c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

    22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

    23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

    24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

    25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

    26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

    27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

    28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever. We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
    "GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
    "BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

    We hope this clears up any confusion,

    The International Council of Manhood, Ltd.
    Last edited by Archimedes Owl; 07-29-2006, 08:33 PM. Reason: Sexually explicit. Gruesome.
    sigpic

  • #2
    Man Laws!

    sigpic

    Sig made by me. Click top sig to view my Graphics Portfolio.

    There are three things you can expect in life:

    1. Death
    2. Taxes
    3. The Ball Being Picked Off by Champ Bailey

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    • #3
      Funniest **** I've read in awhile man,


      "When Kepler found his long-cherished belief did not agree with the most precise observation, he accepted the uncomfortable fact. He preferred the hard truth to his dearest illusions; that is the heart of science."
      - Carl Sagan

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      • #4
        And to think religious threads are banned and its ok to be discusting.
        Thanks for the Sig "rjent"sigpic

        Comment


        • #5
          that is ownage!


          If you take what I have to say seriously, then I'm embarrassed for you.

          Comment


          • #6
            2(f). at the end of Braveheart.
            Victory and defeat are matters of the temporary force of circumstance.



            Thanks, Snk16!!

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            • #7
              2(g). When Jay Cutler throws a touchdown.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by CB Bronco Fan
                26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.


                need to have the exception of Muscle Cars
                Ask me about My Jesus and how to have a relationship with Him.

                Red Sox Mafia RLF4 Life! Boston 617 Strong!
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                • #9
                  4J, you sunk my battleship?

                  What's with the number/letters?
                  Last edited by Archimedes Owl; 07-29-2006, 08:29 PM.


                  "When Kepler found his long-cherished belief did not agree with the most precise observation, he accepted the uncomfortable fact. He preferred the hard truth to his dearest illusions; that is the heart of science."
                  - Carl Sagan

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by NameUsedBefore
                    4J, you sunk my battleship?

                    What's with the number/letters?
                    2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
                    (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
                    (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
                    (c) After wrecking your boss's car.
                    (d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".


                    There are multiple exceptions to rule number two.
                    Last edited by Archimedes Owl; 07-29-2006, 08:30 PM.
                    sigpic

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      That is so funny
                      President Cool

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                      • #12
                        24-27 killed me.

                        RULE NUMBER 1--- Bend at the knee's.

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                        • #13
                          2(h). When around onions.


                          sigpic

                          Sig made by me. Click top sig to view my Graphics Portfolio.

                          There are three things you can expect in life:

                          1. Death
                          2. Taxes
                          3. The Ball Being Picked Off by Champ Bailey

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Haha, this junk was FUNNY
                            sigpic

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