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  • #16
    Originally posted by MoFo_JoRo
    Wow didnt think id be that bad

    sorry for putting you guys through that.....


    I don't know how I want to write it exactly, I been kind of just writing that to see if I could keep going like that. But at the same time I dont know. I would prefer to do a first person type of view because it is easier to go into thoughts and such. But I dont know.



    What do yall think?


    Other things I have thought of that I could try:

    an outside observer, kind of like following the team through an anylysts view or something.

    More than one player, following a few on different sides of the ball: Only I dont want them all to sound so similar, a problem I ran into in the past. Another thing I could do is a different player, a starter or something.

    Coaches point of view, seemed fun I actually wrote some like this but I dont know enough about bein a coach to do it, and I woudnt wanna bore a reader with extra stuff that dont seem very important? I donno it jus seemed like there wasnt much developin when I did that.



    Please give me some help I want this story to be good
    MoJo - thought what you wrote was great! Often, it can get boring to simply read about the statistics of players. You did a great job attaching a personal connection and lending empathy to the situation, along with some tragedy as well.

    I don't know....it's much more interesting than what most arm-chair football pros lend to a story, more intriguing.

    I like how you helped us connect to a player benched due to the ACL injury, and the internal thought process or concerns that go along with that on an intimate basis for the player injured.

    Regarding writing about the past vs the present.......the old saying about in order to understand the present, you need to understand the past first....might hold some weight in your writing. In addition, by leaving out the past, would be assuming everyone already knows it. For those learning or getting up to speed, you would be eliminating important elements that lead to the current time for those readers.

    I'd read what you wrote in a hot second. I loved it! Best of luck to you!
    "War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.

    John Stuart Mill (Look him up )

    Comment


    • #17
      Ok, so I wrote a little bit last night from the point of view of a guy who is hired to be one of those coachin assistant guys. Pretty much is the Go'fer (Go fer this go fer that) kinda guy.

      Ill write it on here later on. But would you think thatd be easier to be a narrator from taht point of view?
      Bronco fan from Packer Land.
      Lefty Writer on The Sports Show with Woody Paige and Les Shapiro
      Tweet me @JoRo_5551

      Comment


      • #18
        Originally posted by MoFo_JoRo
        Ok, so I wrote a little bit last night from the point of view of a guy who is hired to be one of those coachin assistant guys. Pretty much is the Go'fer (Go fer this go fer that) kinda guy.

        Ill write it on here later on. But would you think thatd be easier to be a narrator from taht point of view?
        I don't believe anyone holds the answers that only you can answer for yourself.

        I just know I enjoyed reading what you wrote and thought it was a good story and carried value for me, as a reader. I felt a little moved even.

        Your idea regarding narrating may very well be the ideal for you, as you did very well with writing in the third-party sense.

        MoJo, you are a good writer, but please let someone else do the editing.
        "War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.

        John Stuart Mill (Look him up )

        Comment


        • #19
          I once made a football story. It was in a diary type of thing kind of like the diary of Anne Frank. I just found that way of narrating easier, but I guess that's because I was only 13

          Comment


          • #20
            Originally posted by His Wife
            I don't believe anyone holds the answers that only you can answer for yourself.

            I just know I enjoyed reading what you wrote and thought it was a good story and carried value for me, as a reader. I felt a little moved even.

            Your idea regarding narrating may very well be the ideal for you, as you did very well with writing in the third-party sense.

            MoJo, you are a good writer, but please let someone else do the editing.
            I'd love for someone else to be my editor, as I never seem to pick up my own mistakes. Like I said before oftentimes I write so quickly (you dont even wanna no bout my handwriting) that I do silly mistakes taht are easy to pick up.
            Bronco fan from Packer Land.
            Lefty Writer on The Sports Show with Woody Paige and Les Shapiro
            Tweet me @JoRo_5551

            Comment


            • #21
              Originally posted by MoFo_JoRo
              I'd love for someone else to be my editor, as I never seem to pick up my own mistakes. Like I said before oftentimes I write so quickly (you dont even wanna no bout my handwriting) that I do silly mistakes taht are easy to pick up.
              Don't be hard on yourself, as I was just messing with you a little bit.

              If you have the ideas for writing, the editing takes time, but it's the easiest of the two.

              Good luck!
              "War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.

              John Stuart Mill (Look him up )

              Comment

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