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  • His Wife
    replied
    Originally posted by MoFo_JoRo
    I'd love for someone else to be my editor, as I never seem to pick up my own mistakes. Like I said before oftentimes I write so quickly (you dont even wanna no bout my handwriting) that I do silly mistakes taht are easy to pick up.
    Don't be hard on yourself, as I was just messing with you a little bit.

    If you have the ideas for writing, the editing takes time, but it's the easiest of the two.

    Good luck!

    Leave a comment:


  • MoFo_JoRo
    replied
    Originally posted by His Wife
    I don't believe anyone holds the answers that only you can answer for yourself.

    I just know I enjoyed reading what you wrote and thought it was a good story and carried value for me, as a reader. I felt a little moved even.

    Your idea regarding narrating may very well be the ideal for you, as you did very well with writing in the third-party sense.

    MoJo, you are a good writer, but please let someone else do the editing.
    I'd love for someone else to be my editor, as I never seem to pick up my own mistakes. Like I said before oftentimes I write so quickly (you dont even wanna no bout my handwriting) that I do silly mistakes taht are easy to pick up.

    Leave a comment:


  • xX-Bronco-Xx
    replied
    I once made a football story. It was in a diary type of thing kind of like the diary of Anne Frank. I just found that way of narrating easier, but I guess that's because I was only 13

    Leave a comment:


  • His Wife
    replied
    Originally posted by MoFo_JoRo
    Ok, so I wrote a little bit last night from the point of view of a guy who is hired to be one of those coachin assistant guys. Pretty much is the Go'fer (Go fer this go fer that) kinda guy.

    Ill write it on here later on. But would you think thatd be easier to be a narrator from taht point of view?
    I don't believe anyone holds the answers that only you can answer for yourself.

    I just know I enjoyed reading what you wrote and thought it was a good story and carried value for me, as a reader. I felt a little moved even.

    Your idea regarding narrating may very well be the ideal for you, as you did very well with writing in the third-party sense.

    MoJo, you are a good writer, but please let someone else do the editing.

    Leave a comment:


  • MoFo_JoRo
    replied
    Ok, so I wrote a little bit last night from the point of view of a guy who is hired to be one of those coachin assistant guys. Pretty much is the Go'fer (Go fer this go fer that) kinda guy.

    Ill write it on here later on. But would you think thatd be easier to be a narrator from taht point of view?

    Leave a comment:


  • His Wife
    replied
    Originally posted by MoFo_JoRo
    Wow didnt think id be that bad

    sorry for putting you guys through that.....


    I don't know how I want to write it exactly, I been kind of just writing that to see if I could keep going like that. But at the same time I dont know. I would prefer to do a first person type of view because it is easier to go into thoughts and such. But I dont know.



    What do yall think?


    Other things I have thought of that I could try:

    an outside observer, kind of like following the team through an anylysts view or something.

    More than one player, following a few on different sides of the ball: Only I dont want them all to sound so similar, a problem I ran into in the past. Another thing I could do is a different player, a starter or something.

    Coaches point of view, seemed fun I actually wrote some like this but I dont know enough about bein a coach to do it, and I woudnt wanna bore a reader with extra stuff that dont seem very important? I donno it jus seemed like there wasnt much developin when I did that.



    Please give me some help I want this story to be good
    MoJo - thought what you wrote was great! Often, it can get boring to simply read about the statistics of players. You did a great job attaching a personal connection and lending empathy to the situation, along with some tragedy as well.

    I don't know....it's much more interesting than what most arm-chair football pros lend to a story, more intriguing.

    I like how you helped us connect to a player benched due to the ACL injury, and the internal thought process or concerns that go along with that on an intimate basis for the player injured.

    Regarding writing about the past vs the present.......the old saying about in order to understand the present, you need to understand the past first....might hold some weight in your writing. In addition, by leaving out the past, would be assuming everyone already knows it. For those learning or getting up to speed, you would be eliminating important elements that lead to the current time for those readers.

    I'd read what you wrote in a hot second. I loved it! Best of luck to you!

    Leave a comment:


  • MoFo_JoRo
    replied
    Originally posted by xX-Bronco-Xx
    If you want some good stuff to enspire you I highly reccomend you read Friday Night Lights. It's actually a pretty good book and you can get a lot of good ideas out of it

    Read it and it was good.

    Leave a comment:


  • xX-Bronco-Xx
    replied
    Originally posted by MoFo_JoRo
    4th round.


    I think i figured out how to do the story. Itll be from the point of view of an up and comer coach. One of those assistant guys who dont really have a certain job. This guy, whoever it is (dont have a name yet) was a college player for the head coach in, an undrafted guy who had absolutedly no future in the pros. He tried his best to just soak up what he could in college, and he graduated and low an behold his college coach goes to the pros to revive the Phoenix Firebirds. He gets a job as an "assistant" and again just spends the year watching and learning, figurin out what he can. The little things.


    Sounds like a good start? It would work too cuz then he can pretty much be young enough to follow around any players, he can see all angles of the game, and all that great stuff

    What yall think?
    If you want some good stuff to enspire you I highly reccomend you read Friday Night Lights. It's actually a pretty good book and you can get a lot of good ideas out of it

    Leave a comment:


  • MoFo_JoRo
    replied
    Originally posted by xX-Bronco-Xx
    So how he's in the pros now right? If he is how high did he get drafted?

    4th round.


    I think i figured out how to do the story. Itll be from the point of view of an up and comer coach. One of those assistant guys who dont really have a certain job. This guy, whoever it is (dont have a name yet) was a college player for the head coach in, an undrafted guy who had absolutedly no future in the pros. He tried his best to just soak up what he could in college, and he graduated and low an behold his college coach goes to the pros to revive the Phoenix Firebirds. He gets a job as an "assistant" and again just spends the year watching and learning, figurin out what he can. The little things.


    Sounds like a good start? It would work too cuz then he can pretty much be young enough to follow around any players, he can see all angles of the game, and all that great stuff

    What yall think?

    Leave a comment:


  • xX-Bronco-Xx
    replied
    Originally posted by MoFo_JoRo
    He is mobile that would be why


    Another thing that i dint mention yet but it will get round to is that he only had two really good years, an his junior year (his top three wideouts graduated) he struggled badly as the team fell apart. his senior season he was gonna try an make up for it but got hurt
    So how he's in the pros now right? If he is how high did he get drafted?

    Leave a comment:


  • MoFo_JoRo
    replied
    Originally posted by xX-Bronco-Xx
    To be honest his mobility wouldn't be that much of an issue unless he was one of those Jake Plummer, Vick type of QB's and I would see more of a struggle if he did have an injury to his thowing arm then his leg.
    He is mobile that would be why


    Another thing that i dint mention yet but it will get round to is that he only had two really good years, an his junior year (his top three wideouts graduated) he struggled badly as the team fell apart. his senior season he was gonna try an make up for it but got hurt

    Leave a comment:


  • xX-Bronco-Xx
    replied
    Originally posted by MoFo_JoRo
    Well he hurt his leg, which is cuz of he has limited mobility in year 1 or he would....


    I donno.....


    Ill think of a way to make it more clear?
    To be honest his mobility wouldn't be that much of an issue unless he was one of those Jake Plummer, Vick type of QB's and I would see more of a struggle if he did have an injury to his thowing arm then his leg.

    Leave a comment:


  • MoFo_JoRo
    replied
    Well he hurt his leg, which is cuz of he has limited mobility in year 1 or he would....


    I donno.....


    Ill think of a way to make it more clear?

    Leave a comment:


  • xX-Bronco-Xx
    replied
    Originally posted by MoFo_JoRo
    Thanks again, and I understand. Id prefer you be critical than not. I do have more down but I was going to rego over it, I havent added a lot yet, but what I am really thinkin bout with this, is that I do have a character set for the qb, as well as some others. I am kind of wondering If i wanna keep goin wit the qb cuz every story has a big time character qb. Understandable but I wanna go with something different if at all possible? That is why I wanted him to be a third string at start.

    But I wanna go first person, and I will add more to it, I just havent written in awhile an I was kinda skimmin at first, its usualyl hard for me to get my thoughts an stuff outta my mind an into the story.

    A thought I had was bein a safety the team brought in, a vet that has been around the league for some time. Hes bene solid though unspectacular, and he is along for the ride..?

    I donno though.... I am starting to think itd be easier to be a vet cuz they have a broader viewpoint of things?
    Ok well to be honest the beginning part does make it sound like a RB or WR somewhere in that lines, maybe make it so instead of his leg he hurt, his arm/shoulder?

    Leave a comment:


  • MoFo_JoRo
    replied
    Thanks again, and I understand. Id prefer you be critical than not. I do have more down but I was going to rego over it, I havent added a lot yet, but what I am really thinkin bout with this, is that I do have a character set for the qb, as well as some others. I am kind of wondering If i wanna keep goin wit the qb cuz every story has a big time character qb. Understandable but I wanna go with something different if at all possible? That is why I wanted him to be a third string at start.

    But I wanna go first person, and I will add more to it, I just havent written in awhile an I was kinda skimmin at first, its usualyl hard for me to get my thoughts an stuff outta my mind an into the story.

    A thought I had was bein a safety the team brought in, a vet that has been around the league for some time. Hes bene solid though unspectacular, and he is along for the ride..?

    I donno though.... I am starting to think itd be easier to be a vet cuz they have a broader viewpoint of things?

    Leave a comment:

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