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  • Fred the Bunny
    replied
    Originally posted by Jared
    Ok. Not my reaction, but I can't judge.

    Some guys NEED to be told what to do exactly. "Honey, I am scared, and would really like you to be here with me. Can you please at least ask your bosses? And can you pick up junior on your way home, he is at a friend house?"

    Because they simply don't pick up clues from tone of voice or body langauge.

    Now, the part about being tired I think is crap. I'm tired. Show me a parent of a young child who ISN'T tired. But when you make a decision to have a child, you make a decision to not always think of yourself first. If that does't happen, it will cause problems.

    He should be called on that. As if you AREN'T tired or something.
    Yeh, I know. I work full time just like he does.

    Supposed to go camping this weekend and I would like to have a small talk about a few things prior to going. I have to pick and choose my battles. Don't wanna come off as attacking him with all this stuff out of the blue. That would suck.
    I'll choose the kid thing. I'll do it with tact. If things get heated then I will back away and diffuse the situation until I think of another tactic.

    Leave a comment:


  • Jared
    replied
    Originally posted by Fred the Bunny
    The thing that bothered me was the following part of the conversation;

    Me - "I really need ya right now. This is serious & I'm a bit scared."
    Him - "I don't know what to tell ya, Victoria."
    Me - "Okay then"
    Him - "See you when I get home if you're there."
    Me - " Do you think you can pick up (our son) from (friend's house) on your way home?"
    Him - Pause....sigh "I'm tired Victoria. I just want to take a shower and eat something"

    Ok. Not my reaction, but I can't judge.

    Some guys NEED to be told what to do exactly. "Honey, I am scared, and would really like you to be here with me. Can you please at least ask your bosses? And can you pick up junior on your way home, he is at a friend house?"

    Because they simply don't pick up clues from tone of voice or body langauge.

    Now, the part about being tired I think is crap. I'm tired. Show me a parent of a young child who ISN'T tired. But when you make a decision to have a child, you make a decision to not always think of yourself first. If that does't happen, it will cause problems.

    He should be called on that. As if you AREN'T tired or something.

    Leave a comment:


  • Fred the Bunny
    replied
    Originally posted by Jared
    Work is important.

    But never EVER EVER at the expanse of truly important family needs.

    Also, what constitutes important can vary, but both spouses must agree to what does, so that there is no one sidedness or resentment.


    I don't think this particular issue is a work issue directly, but a communciation issue at heart.

    I hope it works out for you.

    Also, if it not directly for you or your child, some spouses don't necessarily feel t0he need to be there for in laws and extended family of their spouse.


    Again, as long as you both agree and consistently stick to what constitutes 'family emergency', you'll be ok. But you have to have that discussion first, before you get angry, because right now, it sounds like your guidelines vary from his.

    The thing that bothered me was the following part of the conversation;

    Me - "I really need ya right now. This is serious & I'm a bit scared."
    Him - "I don't know what to tell ya, Victoria."
    Me - "Okay then"
    Him - "See you when I get home if you're there."
    Me - " Do you think you can pick up (our son) from (friend's house) on your way home?"
    Him - Pause....sigh "I'm tired Victoria. I just want to take a shower and eat something"

    This was me on the inside --------> :hammer:
    Yet on the outside ------------------>

    I called him on the way home and TOLD him to go get our son.
    He did.

    I'm not a wife. I don't play that crap. Shouldn't have to. I'm wayyyy too cool to have to at anyone cuz I do most of the stuff myself anyways.
    But God forbid I ask him for one thing. Two sides to every story, I'd like to know his...but he won't talk. He's not a talker and I don't like to push him.

    I'm bothered by it, but I'm going to let it go. I'm not going to keep score on it. It will just take a day or so for me to eat it.
    Last edited by Peanut; 06-03-2012, 10:05 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • LordTrychon
    replied
    I'll admit that there are times that I COULD NOT leave work. And I know you consider me a workaholic.


    If I had a family member in the hospital, I would get there as soon as possible, but I'd try not to leave my coworkers hanging either...

    If I had a family member in danger or in the hospital with a chance of not making it... where me being there could be the last time to talk to them or help them... i would leave regardless, even if it cost me my job.

    As for how much to hurt your husby... you know him better than any of us and will be able to figure this out. Give him hell.

    Leave a comment:


  • Jared
    replied
    Work is important.

    But never EVER EVER at the expanse of truly important family needs.

    Also, what constitutes important can vary, but both spouses must agree to what does, so that there is no one sidedness or resentment.


    I don't think this particular issue is a work issue directly, but a communciation issue at heart.

    I hope it works out for you.

    Also, if it not directly for you or your child, some spouses don't necessarily feel t0he need to be there for in laws and extended family of their spouse.


    Again, as long as you both agree and consistently stick to what constitutes 'family emergency', you'll be ok. But you have to have that discussion first, before you get angry, because right now, it sounds like your guidelines vary from his.
    Last edited by Jared; 08-30-2006, 11:14 AM.

    Leave a comment:


  • BayAreaBronco
    replied
    As most have already stated, I wouldn’t blow up on him as that could only make matters worse. Instead of being receptive of what you have to say, he could just get angry and for sure not give you what you long for. When you do bring the situation up to him, (and you should) take the lighter approach but don’t be passive (backing down too quickly won't help at all). Let him know how serious this is and that you yourself are serious about it as well. Be confident in what you have to say, but try to stay away from being offensive. If things do get heated, let him know that you didn’t sit him to down argue or fight. You simply want to express your concern to him with hopes of getting positive results.

    Really, you do need to let him know. Otherwise things won't change.

    I hope things get better. Good luck.

    Leave a comment:


  • Fred the Bunny
    replied
    He's not going to move on this subject.
    He's got great bosses that would allow for him to do these things when need be.

    He won't go to the dentist, the doctor or anything that has anything to do with our son or me. It says something that his (and my) best friend went with me last night & my other best friend picked my son up from school yesterday so I could go.

    Just madder than usual about this and I'm going to sit on it for awhile longer before I say anything even if I do. I hate bickering and fighting.

    Leave a comment:


  • anton1287
    replied
    Originally posted by SeeingRed
    You crack me up...

    Pickles aren't my friend...don't like 'em at all.
    gas huh...

    yeah.. i like them...

    i nice pickle sandwich...

    and pickles on hotdogs and burgers ROCKS!!!

    :dance:<<< YES YES YES!!!

    Leave a comment:


  • SeeingRed
    replied
    Originally posted by anton1287
    i ate a whole 1 kilogram jar of pickles once...

    and i threw up...

    yet im not bragging...

    ...

    or am i...??

    my own mysteriousness will be the end of me...

    You crack me up...

    Pickles aren't my friend...don't like 'em at all.

    Leave a comment:


  • anton1287
    replied
    Originally posted by SeeingRed
    I worked every day from 18 June to 06 July on 12 hour shifts...not willingly though.
    i ate a whole 1 kilogram jar of pickles once...

    and i threw up...

    yet im not bragging...

    ...

    or am i...??

    my own mysteriousness will be the end of me...

    Leave a comment:


  • SeeingRed
    replied
    I worked every day from 18 June to 06 July on 12 hour shifts...not willingly though.

    Leave a comment:


  • anton1287
    replied
    Originally posted by Adrenaline
    Call him on it. But not as if he's doing something wrong.

    Ask him about coming home from work early to spend time with you. But also understand the other side of the story. I as everyone else on here has noticed with work that others (boss) will stock pile you with more work then you are really sopose to have. So handling your work within hours is tough especially leaveing that work unfinished. Keeping yourself organized and on task is hard when your doing work that is important to your income.

    I hope things work out for you. I havent been through anything like this, so I will be interested how it turns out for you.
    too much work and spending several hours a day on here doesnt help...



    but it helps me sleep...

    ...

    anton getting tired...

    Leave a comment:


  • anton1287
    replied
    just give me his number...

    anton will sort this out in a jiffy!!!

    Leave a comment:


  • Adrenaline
    replied
    Call him on it. But not as if he's doing something wrong.

    Ask him about coming home from work early to spend time with you. But also understand the other side of the story. I as everyone else on here has noticed with work that others (boss) will stock pile you with more work then you are really sopose to have. So handling your work within hours is tough especially leaveing that work unfinished. Keeping yourself organized and on task is hard when your doing work that is important to your income.

    I hope things work out for you. I havent been through anything like this, so I will be interested how it turns out for you.

    Leave a comment:


  • WhoDeyBengals
    replied
    Originally posted by Fred the Bunny
    I was wondering if there is or has been a time in anyone's life here when you became a workaholic?

    This is the reason I'm asking.

    You see, I think that when a family member or your spouse's close family member is undergoing surgery....and your spouse really needs you there for moral support.
    Let's say you are on salary and it's only two hours until you go home anyways.
    Would you leave? Would you stay?

    I'm wondering how to handle this situation at home with my husband.
    He won't take off work unless it's good for HIM to do it. I needed him yesterday & he wouldn't budge. It's not like he's a doctor or anything (if he were I'd be a lot more comfortable).

    And should I go off?
    Should I stay quiet?

    What do you guys think?

    And please don't let this post slip down the line.
    It's a serious question.
    Well, I guess my answer to your question would depend on your answer to this question:

    By taking time off of work without much notice, would your husband's job be in jeopardy? If so, then I think he was trying to look out for your family.

    If not, then I think you need to sit him down and calmly explain to him why his unwillingness to be there for you is bothering you, and what you would expect from him should a similar situation arise again. It sounds simple, but communication is tough some times.

    Leave a comment:

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