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If Santa Answered his mail honestly...

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  • If Santa Answered his mail honestly...

    A couple of these had me rolling... Enjoy.

    Deer Santa,
    I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy
    all yeer.

    Yer Friend, Billy

    Dear Billy,
    Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare. How
    about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm giving
    your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell.
    Santa

    ************************************************** ***
    Dear Santa,
    I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
    peace and joy in the world for everybody!
    Love, Sarah

    Dear Sarah,
    Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
    Santa

    ************************************************** **
    Dear Santa,
    I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for
    my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
    Love, Teddy

    Dear Teddy,
    Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
    hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your
    frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that
    dream. Let me send you some Legos instead.

    Santa


    ************************************************** **
    Dear Santa,
    I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a
    dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
    Love, Francis

    Dear Francis,
    Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays. I bet you're gay. I'll set
    you up with a Barbie.

    Santa


    ************************************************** **
    Dear Santa,
    I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left
    carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
    Love, Susan

    Dear Susan,
    Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face
    when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle
    of Scotch.
    Santa
    ************************************************** **
    Dear Santa,
    What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy
    making toys?
    Your friend, Thomas


    Dear Thomas,
    All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas where I
    spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by
    drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses
    while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.

    Santa
    ************************************************** **
    Dear Santa,
    Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're
    awake, like in the song?
    Love, Jessica

    Dear Jessica,
    Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm
    skipping your house.

    Santa

    ************************************************** **
    Dear Santa,
    I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE,
    PLEASE could I have one?
    Love, Timmy

    Dear Timmy,
    That whiney begging **** may work with your folks, but that crap
    doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.

    Santa

    ************************************************** **
    Dearest Santa,
    We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our
    home?
    Love, Marky

    Dear Mark,
    First stop callling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting
    your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live
    in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like
    the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.

    Sweet dreams,
    Santa


  • #2
    Some of those made me laugh out loud CP coming your way.
    sigpic
    Thanks Blondie for the Sig

    Comment


    • #3
      Nice!!!
      I guess Ive given out too many CPs the past 24 hrs..
      You got some comin though...
      Thanks...

      Comment


      • #4
        Those are great thanks!

        Comment


        • #5
          Gee, Santa is rough and mean

          Next time I will be careful when I write him the letter.



          :salute:

          Comment


          • #6
            OMG Everyone I was rofl CP for you!

            Comment


            • #7
              I think we need this Santa thread up at the top with the other 5 threads with Santa in the title-- Bump

              Comment

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