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  • Just an update

    Today I think I finally hit rock bottom.

    Last night I talked to my ex... and I have been for the last week.. not a smart thing and I recomend to many of you not to follow that example. I also went to my Youth Group. It was hard and I spent it angry at God, angry at Myself... just angry....

    I felt as though that this wasn't worth it anymore... it felt as though God was playing some sick joke on me... how stupid was I to not realize that it was the enemy.

    Before going to bed last night I swigged some Night time cough stuff. I didn't know if it was too much at the time... and I didn't care. I don't want to lie and I don't want to make any of you think I am nuts or anything, but I have been in a few bad places this past week. I was lucky, I woke up this morning.. although I
    wouldn't have told you that at the time. I went to school where we spent the whole day doing a course thing to get ready to take this big test for Michigan. I knew right away I wouldn't last past the first hour. I saw her and the guy together... being "just friends" by themselves... and I wanted to go home and take the rest of the Night Stuff.. (again sorry but I want to tell this)

    Before I went to my home though, I wanted to talk to my Pastor... ya know give the Big Guy one last chance to show me He loved me and He really did want me to be ok....

    Except my Pastor wasn't there. His wife answered the door, and let me in, asking why I wasn't in school... I spilled my guts to her, I didn't cry... but I felt like I was dying inside just saying how I felt about everything, tellin her the Pastors own wife that I was angry at God...

    I came to the conclusion that this wasn't just about my ex. This pain couldn't be just from that, and I realized that it was my mom and my dad too.. It felt like anyone who ever was really close to me for any amount of time left me. My mom had told me week or two before she died (last year) that it was harder to come home than stay at work... my dad calls maybe ever two weeks or so... and my ex... that jus seemed to be the straw that broke the camels back....

    I felt like I was unworthy of being loved... I mean I felt guilty talking to people about my problems...

    my Pastors wife told me that I needed to rant at God, he could handle it, and to just stop talking to my ex... not to be mean to her, but not tlak to her in specific. I think I have finally set out on waht God intended for me to do

    Well tonight I think I am finally setting out on what God wants me to do. I went to the Christian Center in town (I do the projector there) Afterwords I stopped by my ex's house (on the way home right there) and I asked her if I could get one last hug before my best friend is gone for good, i did and I even left the car on to make myself not be able to stay any longer than I planned. And then on the way home I finally figured out what to do with the stuff she had given me that I had sittin in the back of my car. I took it to our dumpster, and threw it in. God wants me to let go, and I can't as long as I let stuff like that sit and give me hope.

    Thank you for the prayers guys... it hurts but I think maybe I am FINALLY doing waht is wanted from me on this planet

    We all know what happens after we hit rock bottom.... I feel maybe like its finally time to get picked back up

    Please keep me in your prayers

    Joe
    Last edited by JoRo; 01-25-2007, 08:13 PM.
    Bronco fan from Packer Land.
    Lefty Writer on The Sports Show with Woody Paige and Les Shapiro
    Tweet me @JoRo_5551

  • #2
    Joe,

    This is tough. Really tough, and I am so sorry that you're feeling like this. It's terrible that you've had to go through all of this at such a young age already.

    I am glad that you were able to talk to your Pastor's wife... and I agree with her advice. NOt only can God take all you can dish out, but he'll continue to love you unconditionally anyways. Better than anyone here on Earth can. Spill your guts to him. Spill your guts to anyone you can. Your Pastor's wife is a great start. Coming here was a good idea, too. Talk to anyone you feel like you can trust. The more you are able to let your feelings out (especially if it's pent up ones from things like your mom's death and dad not being there, and these feelings have been boiling under the surface for SO long), the better off you're going to be. You need to be able to let go of your anger in order to be a whole person again, and I think that realizing that it's there is a HUGE step, so congratulations there... you're on your way. You'll be ok in the end, but it might be a long road. Look for backup anywhere you can find it.

    Feel free to PM me if you just want someone else to talk to... I am a pretty good listener.

    Praying for you...

    Red
    sigpic

    Comment


    • #3
      wow joe i hope everything turns out better in the next few days....
      i hope you stay away from those bad places you've been and concentrate on helping yourself get to a better part in your life.
      things happen for a reason and we all struggle together. done get down on yourself soo much and im sure you will find happiness.
      keep talking to your paster and keep him posted on yourself
      i have to go but i will pray for you.
      sigpic

      sig by B4B6..

      Comment


      • #4
        JoRo I understand life can be tough sometimes but don't do anything nonsensical.

        We all like you.

        We would miss you very much.

        You know ever since that thread you asked for prayers I have been giving them to you.

        But as for the gf thing you just got to move on. Think of another girl. I mean you have so many wonderful years left so think about how great your future will be.

        Just get through those tough times.
        Nobody gets to live life backward. Look ahead, that is where your future lies. -- Ann Landers
        Confucius
        Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
        Come on man. We are here for you. And sleep a lot dreams can make you feel good if they are lucid.


        Might sound a bit corny but D.Will would want you to live life to the fullest.
        MMA News
        MMA News 247

        Comment


        • #5
          Just remember that God has a Plan for everyone. Keep Fighting. If you need anything of if you just want to talk, Just PM me
          sigpic

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by champbronc2
            JoRo I understand life can be tough sometimes but don't do anything nonsensical.

            We all like you.

            We would miss you very much.

            You know ever since that thread you asked for prayers I have been giving them to you.

            But as for the gf thing you just got to move on. Think of another girl. I mean you have so many wonderful years left so think about how great your future will be.

            Just get through those tough times.


            Come on man. We are here for you. And sleep a lot dreams can make you feel good if they are lucid.


            Might sound a bit corny but D.Will would want you to live life to the fullest.

            Thanks all.... I think I am feelin quite a bit better now after everything... it kind is scary how close it feels I came to losing the good fight....

            Thank you so much for all the prayers... I wouldn't wanna waste them


            Thanks guys
            Bronco fan from Packer Land.
            Lefty Writer on The Sports Show with Woody Paige and Les Shapiro
            Tweet me @JoRo_5551

            Comment


            • #7
              Joe, please understand that GOD loves you and that you are a special person. Don’t do anything you can’t change. Whoever this girl is, she is not helping you and it doesn't seem that she wants to. Please talk to your pastor and your counselor about this. Don’t let things weigh on you to much, you are young and you have a life ahead of you. Things can seem grim at times but always improve if you seek out the right people to help you and remember that there are people who care for you, people here care for you. You can come to Broncomania and post your thoughts. I will keep you in my prayers.

              There are two kinds of teams in the AFCW; The losers and the Broncos!!!

              I Support our Troops!
              How do you expect me to have a RED WHITE and BLUE sig when the background is obnoxious white?

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by JoRo
                Thanks all.... I think I am feelin quite a bit better now after everything... it kind is scary how close it feels I came to losing the good fight....

                Thank you so much for all the prayers... I wouldn't wanna waste them


                Thanks guys
                I always feel better after talking to the guys/gals here!

                Just keep fighting. We all know you can do it!
                MMA News
                MMA News 247

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by JoRo
                  Today I think I finally hit rock bottom.

                  Last night I talked to my ex... and I have been for the last week.. not a smart thing and I recomend to many of you not to follow that example. I also went to my Youth Group. It was hard and I spent it angry at God, angry at Myself... just angry....

                  I felt as though that this wasn't worth it anymore... it felt as though God was playing some sick joke on me... how stupid was I to not realize that it was the enemy.

                  Before going to bed last night I swigged some Night time cough stuff. I didn't know if it was too much at the time... and I didn't care. I don't want to lie and I don't want to make any of you think I am nuts or anything, but I have been in a few bad places this past week. I was lucky, I woke up this morning.. although I wouldn't have told you that at the time. I went to school where we spent the whole day doing a course thing to get ready to take this big test for Michigan. I knew right away I wouldn't last past the first hour. I saw her and the guy together... being "just friends" by themselves... and I wanted to go home and take the rest of the Night Stuff.. (again sorry but I want to tell this)

                  Before I went to my home though, I wanted to talk to my Pastor... ya know give the Big Guy one last chance to show me He loved me and He really did want me to be ok....

                  Except my Pastor wasn't there. His wife answered the door, and let me in, asking why I wasn't in school... I spilled my guts to her, I didn't cry... but I felt like I was dying inside just saying how I felt about everything, tellin her the Pastors own wife that I was angry at God...

                  I came to the conclusion that this wasn't just about my ex. This pain couldn't be just from that, and I realized that it was my mom and my dad too.. It felt like anyone who ever was really close to me for any amount of time left me. My mom had told me week or two before she died (last year) that it was harder to come home than stay at work... my dad calls maybe ever two weeks or so... and my ex... that jus seemed to be the straw that broke the camels back....

                  I felt like I was unworthy of being loved... I mean I felt guilty talking to people about my problems...

                  my Pastors wife told me that I needed to rant at God, he could handle it, and to just stop talking to my ex... not to be mean to her, but not tlak to her in specific. I think I have finally set out on waht God intended for me to do

                  Please keep me in your prayers

                  Joe
                  JoRo....Well, first thing you need to do is NOT BE HARD ON YOURSELF. You have been through great tragedy in your life, especially losing your mom. I'm really sorry to hear that, very much so. You are not unworthy of being loved, and I can tell that just by what you typed in your thread here. It's good that you reached out and talked with someone you could 'trust' with your feelings who would take the time to listen and care about you. It does sound like your 'ex' may not be the healthiest person for you to hang out with, but that doesn't mean you have to hate her, just distance yourself and make yourself 'priority #1', because that's what you are. It sounds like you have made some sense of what all these feelings you have been having are all about, and that's what most of us have to do....some soul searching and trying to understand how to move forward in various ways. Hey, real sorry about your mom, JoRo....that one hurts a lot no doubt. JoRo is priority #1
                  "War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.

                  John Stuart Mill (Look him up )

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by His Wife
                    JoRo....Well, first thing you need to do is NOT BE HARD ON YOURSELF. You have been through great tragedy in your life, especially losing your mom. I'm really sorry to hear that, very much so. You are not unworthy of being loved, and I can tell that just by what you typed in your thread here. It's good that you reached out and talked with someone you could 'trust' with your feelings who would take the time to listen and care about you. It does sound like your 'ex' may not be the healthiest person for you to hang out with, but that doesn't mean you have to hate her, just distance yourself and make yourself 'priority #1', because that's what you are. It sounds like you have made some sense of what all these feelings you have been having are all about, and that's what most of us have to do....some soul searching and trying to understand how to move forward in various ways. Hey, real sorry about your mom, JoRo....that one hurts a lot no doubt. JoRo is priority #1

                    Thanks guys. I updated my thing. I had gotten into trouble with my keyboard and didn't realize I didn't finish it. Sorry if that angers anyone

                    Thank you so much for caring though guys... I know it sounds stupid... but it really feels good to know that

                    I finally think I am ready to put God first... trust that HE will help me through the stuff with everything... I dunno... like i prolly said... it hurts, but I feel kinda good about it too...
                    Last edited by JoRo; 01-25-2007, 08:12 PM.
                    Bronco fan from Packer Land.
                    Lefty Writer on The Sports Show with Woody Paige and Les Shapiro
                    Tweet me @JoRo_5551

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by JoRo
                      Thanks guys. I updated my thing. I had gotten into trouble with my keyboard and didn't realize I didn't finish it. Sorry if that angers anyone

                      Thank you so much for caring though guys... I know it sounds stupid... but it really feels good to know that

                      I finally think I am ready to put God first... trust that HE will help me through the stuff with everything... I dunno... like i prolly said... it hurts, but I feel kinda good about it too...
                      It isn't stupid JoRo it is important.

                      Heck, the progress you just made was great!
                      MMA News
                      MMA News 247

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by JoRo
                        Thanks guys. I updated my thing. I had gotten into trouble with my keyboard and didn't realize I didn't finish it. Sorry if that angers anyone

                        Thank you so much for caring though guys... I know it sounds stupid... but it really feels good to know that

                        I finally think I am ready to put God first... trust that HE will help me through the stuff with everything... I dunno... like i prolly said... it hurts, but I feel kinda good about it too...

                        It doesn't anger me at all. I feel better knowing you feel better. GOD will always help us if we let him. Hang in and hang on.

                        There are two kinds of teams in the AFCW; The losers and the Broncos!!!

                        I Support our Troops!
                        How do you expect me to have a RED WHITE and BLUE sig when the background is obnoxious white?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Just remember Joro, no girl is worth crying for if she does something like that.

                          Your parents love you no matter what they've said or done.

                          Your only 17 you have so much more ahead of you so you don't need to be sad but be optimistic and be happy because things will get better for you.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            If you read the book "Why we love" it will truly help you understand relationships and give you solid footing for the rest of your life.

                            Just read it, and leave the rest to God, you'll be fine.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Hey JoRo, i am not a very active memeber of this board, but i have been here a long time and i feel like i know everyone.

                              Anyway, i can tell you what has helped me in the past.

                              First and foremost always remember to put God first, i can see that your all ready trying to do that.

                              The second thing is to surround your self with friends. Its also important the type of friends you have as well, because i've found that its the people you have around you that change who you are, and who you become. Your friends will always bring you to their level, whether its good or bad.

                              Always remember that your never alone no matter how hard times get.

                              Comment

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