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Lawyer Joke

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  • Jaws
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  • Day1BroncoFan
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    An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take some of his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. "Here's $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me."
    At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed, "I had only put $20,000 into the envelope because I needed $10,000 for a new baptistery."

    "Well, since we're confiding in each other," said the doctor, "I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000."

    The lawyer was aghast. "I'm ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."

    EDIT:

    And another one:

    A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too closely and completely tore off the door on the driver's side.
    The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.

    When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.

    "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

    "How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

    The cop replied,"Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

    "My God!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex?"
    Last edited by Day1BroncoFan; 02-02-2007, 10:50 AM.

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  • horsesense
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    A LAWYER'S HEART

    An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor.

    The doctor said, "We have three possible donors. Tell me which one you want to use. One is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident. The second is a middle aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died in his private plane. The third is an attorney who just died after practicing law for 30 years."

    "I'll take the lawyer's heart." said the patient.

    After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the donor he did.

    "It was easy," the patient replied. "I wanted a heart that hadn't been used."

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  • horsesense
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    At the post office Roger noticed a middle aged, stout and bald man with many heart-shaped envelopes. He was sticking ‘love’ stamps on each envelope and was spraying them with perfume. Obviously curious, Roger went up to him and asked him what he was doing. With a big grin, the man replied: “I'm sending 5000 Valentine’s Day cards signed “guess who”. Roger was taken aback—“But why on earth ?” The man replied—“You see I'm a divorce lawyer !” :devil:

    Why God Created Lawyers

    Satan was complaining bitterly to God, "You made the world so that it was not fair, and you made it so that most people would have to struggle every day, fight against their innate wishes and desires, and deal with all sorts of losses, grief, disasters, and catastrophes. Yet people worship and adore you. People fight, get arrested, and cheat each other, and I get blamed, even when it is not my fault. Sure, I'm evil, but give me a break. Can't you do something to make them stop blaming me?"

    And so God created lawyers.
    Last edited by horsesense; 02-01-2007, 09:53 AM.

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  • Snk16
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    \
    Originally posted by Day1BroncoFan
    Q: What's the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?

    A: Jewelry.



    As the lawyer woke up from surgery, he asked, "Why are all the blinds drawn?" The nurse answered, "There's a big fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you had died."


    God decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences once and for all. Satan heard this, laughed and said, "And where do you think you're going to find a lawyer?"
    Haha, those are some good oens.

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  • Day1BroncoFan
    replied
    Q: What's the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?

    A: Jewelry.



    As the lawyer woke up from surgery, he asked, "Why are all the blinds drawn?" The nurse answered, "There's a big fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you had died."


    God decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences once and for all. Satan heard this, laughed and said, "And where do you think you're going to find a lawyer?"

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  • Jaws
    replied
    Originally posted by horsesense
    What do attorneys use for birth control?






    Their personalities. :


    My mum and all the other elders in our Chapel will enjoy that one as we've just been ripped off big time by a snivelling sneaky lawyer.

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  • His Wife
    replied
    Originally posted by horsesense
    What do attorneys use for birth control?






    Their personalities. :
    Yep! They say they'll call you and rarely ever do!
    BC that works every time!

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  • horsesense
    replied
    Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?






    A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!

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  • GRLSLUVFTBL2
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  • horsesense
    started a topic Lawyer Joke

    Lawyer Joke

    What do attorneys use for birth control?






    Their personalities. :
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