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  • Talking to my wife

    Hey all,

    I am in a weird spot. My wife and I are both havning instincts that tell us that we want to have kids. We've been together since 17 in HS (24 yrs old now), and I am in a bad position financially to have kids. Thing is, she and I are both cool about it, but want them anyways. We aren't pregnant or anything, but I hinoestly can't support a family (being a grad student) for at least 2-3 more years. Any guidance?

    Thanks

    D
    Go Broncos, make me keep believing this year


  • #2
    Originally posted by Chicago-Broncofreak
    Hey all,

    I am in a weird spot. My wife and I are both havning instincts that tell us that we want to have kids. We've been together since 17 in HS (24 yrs old now), and I am in a bad position financially to have kids. Thing is, she and I are both cool about it, but want them anyways. We aren't pregnant or anything, but I hinoestly can't support a family (being a grad student) for at least 2-3 more years. Any guidance?

    Thanks

    D
    You're both very young and there is time. Three years is not too long to wait. I'd say wait a year to see if you are getting ahead financially and if you can shorten that span to 18 months. I personally would wait until the money is there because, if you're in a two house income, someone will have to stay home or you may need money for a babysitter or daycare later on. That's assuming you don't have relatives who can watch over day after day for free.

    If you both want kids now, you'll probably have to force yourself out there in the job world and climb some ladders quickly. If grad school is only taking up a portion of your day, you can get a night job to save up. I know it will be a ton of work but if you want a baby now with the peace of mind that the baby will be financially taken care of, then you'll have to take some risks.

    Raising a kid is tough enough without having to worry about living day to day with money.

    I would wait until the money is right. Problems could arise if you're still in a bad money state with a wife and kid.

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    • #3
      I wouldn't have kids right now if you aren't there financially because the kids wouldn't like having life like that.

      I say wait, and do that for the kids. Have them a great childhood.

      If you want to make spare cash in your extra time you could try treasuretrooper. You get paid for doing free trials and filling out surveys and stuff. I made $300+

      But you need to wait. Have a very stable household so everyone is always happy.

      The three years isn't long, considering you are only 24.

      Edit: I am not trying to advertise, it could really help your financial situation as I know people with over $1000+
      Last edited by champbronc2; 05-19-2007, 05:31 AM.
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      • #4
        Well make sure you are ready to have the children.
        The ultimate responsibility.

        In the mean time just have fun practicing.
        Emancipate your mind!
        The People's Poster

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        • #5
          Broncofreak, if we (my wife and I) and waited till we were financially secured then I'd be dead. A person (IMO) is never financially secured because a job can come and go tomorrow regardless if you have kids or not. It depends on how materialistic you and your wife are (spending habits) and what social status you want to live. Some people are great at parenting and some people are great at having children! Being a parent you basically lose alot of freedom you have now and this will be the most responsibility you ever have, more than some job. Ask yourself if the love is there to raise a child. All a child needs is LOVE, guidance, food, clothing, roof over the head and LOVE, all the rest is wants. My wife and I are fortunate to have two good jobs, three lovely children, we work as a team, and sacrifice our activities to be there for the kids. We surely didn't wait till we were financially secured. I know some people are different and need to know a certain security but remember (IMO) the longer you wait, the older you get. I'll be 42 when my first graduates and 50 when my last graduates. I'll be still young and my wife and I can go and enjoy life together knowing we raised three wonderful children.

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          • #6
            That's kind of tough.

            I mean, for me to even offer sound advice, you'd have to expound on your financial situation. I mean, how much are you making? Does your wife make any money?

            I'd say that if it would stretch you tight, but it would be feasible, you may just want to go for it. If it will be completely infeasible, don't do it.

            In the end, you're the only one that can decide that.
            My adopted fan is dogfish

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Chicago-Broncofreak
              Hey all,

              I am in a weird spot. My wife and I are both havning instincts that tell us that we want to have kids. We've been together since 17 in HS (24 yrs old now), and I am in a bad position financially to have kids. Thing is, she and I are both cool about it, but want them anyways. We aren't pregnant or anything, but I hinoestly can't support a family (being a grad student) for at least 2-3 more years. Any guidance?

              Thanks

              D

              I say go for it! You are never really "ready" for children...Financially or anyway really..You just have to do it...You will be fine and you will be happy you did..they are so much fun

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              • #8
                Originally posted by calibroncogrl47

                I say go for it! You are never really "ready" for children...Financially or anyway really..You just have to do it...You will be fine and you will be happy you did..they are so much fun

                Children are so much fun! That means I don't have to "grow up" yet!

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                • #9
                  All the women will say, "Let's do it we're in love!"

                  But to be honest I would wait till you're financially or else it could mean mega stressful times for you.

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                  • #10
                    we just had a lil baby girl and were not financially set either
                    the joy that a lil one brings is huge
                    she is the world to me
                    if that means i have to work a lil harder and get another job im all for it
                    i look at finances in a different light, they are always going to be there and i may never get ahead of em.
                    i just know that we are better off with her than without her

                    pm me if ya want to talk lil more

                    you can usually get assistance thru the gov. as well they do have programs for formula and what not.
                    sigpic

                    sig by B4B6..

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Chicago-Broncofreak
                      Hey all,

                      I am in a weird spot. My wife and I are both havning instincts that tell us that we want to have kids. We've been together since 17 in HS (24 yrs old now), and I am in a bad position financially to have kids. Thing is, she and I are both cool about it, but want them anyways. We aren't pregnant or anything, but I hinoestly can't support a family (being a grad student) for at least 2-3 more years. Any guidance?

                      Thanks

                      D
                      Bro, i have no kids but all my friends do. they say you will never be finacially set. though they have tough times they say they would never trade it back
                      The fool who fancies he is full of wisdom
                      While he sits by his hearth at home.
                      Quickly finds when questioned by others .
                      That he knows nothing at all.

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                      • #12
                        KIds are expensive....we went from paying the daycare
                        to letting them stay home when they got old enough
                        then to cars and cellphones and now college.

                        My kids are spoiled but I wouldnt have it any other way!

                        Good Luck on whatever you all decide to do!
                        Tony G


                        The Chefs

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Chicago-Broncofreak
                          Hey all,

                          I am in a weird spot. My wife and I are both havning instincts that tell us that we want to have kids. We've been together since 17 in HS (24 yrs old now), and I am in a bad position financially to have kids. Thing is, she and I are both cool about it, but want them anyways. We aren't pregnant or anything, but I hinoestly can't support a family (being a grad student) for at least 2-3 more years. Any guidance?

                          Thanks

                          D
                          If you only have 2-3 years to finish up grad school, why not just wait? You will hopefully be making more money when you are finished and get a job (not sure what you are studying, what your plans are).

                          Having children will not only put financial stress on your marriage, but other stress. While on the one hand he/she/they will be a blessing for you and your wife, if you have a baby or two, not enough money, and you trying to finish school, you and your wife could put your marriage under a great deal of stress, based on 'feeling' it is time now.

                          You are still very young. Waiting 3 or 4 years will be no problem. Your relationship with your wife will be even more established in 3 or 4 years, you will be out of school, your family will hopefully be in a better position to at that time.
                          The human body has two ends on it: one to create with and one to sit on. Sometimes people get their ends reversed. When this happens they need a kick in the seat of the pants. --- Theodore Roosevelt

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                          • #14
                            Okay, everyone's covered everything pretty good.

                            I'm going to be the mean person and mention that a lot of divorces stem from financial difficulties/differences. Children can definitely put a stain on finances and relationships.

                            So, bottom line, how secure is your relationship? Are you both mature enough to work through difficulties/make sacrifices?

                            If you can answer positively to these questions, then I think you're ready, regardless of your finances (IMO).

                            Good luck, whatever you decide.


                            EDIT: When I wrote this, I didn't see the above post. Took me a half hour, with all the interruptions (are you ready for that, too? ).
                            Last edited by Peanut; 05-19-2007, 09:31 AM.
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                            • #15
                              The unconditional love of an child is the greatest thing in the world.
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