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  • Like you've never seen these before!

    Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

    If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

    Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries
    are flat?

    Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there
    is not enough?

    Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion
    stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

    Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

    Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

    Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

    Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

    Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

    What is the speed of darkness?

    If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

    If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?

    Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

    Do you cry under water?

    How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

    Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
    binoculars to look at things on the ground?

    Did you ever stop and wonder......

    Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
    squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

    Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna
    eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum."

    Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

    Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

    Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

    Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

    Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're
    both dogs!

    Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??

    If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? (This one kills me!!!!)

    If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
    vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

    If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

    Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the
    same tune?

    Stop singing and read on . . . . . .. . . . .

    Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

    Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

  • #2
    Aha, heard most of 'em, but there were a couple I hadn't.

    CP your way for the laughs.


    You have given out too much Contributor Status in the last 24 hours, try again later.

    Tomorrow, I guess. :*(

    Thank you Skywalker for the Marshall sig!
    sigpic

    Thank you Damien and Darrent for the memories. You will never be forgotten!

    Comment


    • #3
      i love questions...

      Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?
      because no one knows how their skin is sooooooo smoooooth...

      If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
      its slang for "you are f***ed either way"...

      Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
      because thats how you make it work proper...

      Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
      because you still have blood left in you...

      Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
      because i dont trust you...

      Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
      because they are a bunch of communists...

      Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
      he uses a compilation of tree sap, monkey tails, 3 blunted femur bones and a parrots liver to rub the hair off...

      Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
      cmon, the dude wears underpants on the outside...

      Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
      to look cool...

      Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
      a smartass...

      What is the speed of darkness?
      there is no speed, darkness is the absence of light... it does not move...

      If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
      0 if you are talking about celsius, - 32 if you are talking about fahrenheit...

      If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
      they are useless and here to get help...

      Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
      i think it seems that way...

      Do you cry under water?
      yes, crying is a natural bodily function... you also sweat when underwater...

      How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
      or did they??

      Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
      because people dont like having money thats why!!!

      Did you ever stop and wonder......

      Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
      squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

      a horny farmer...

      Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum."
      a horny farmer with a fetish...

      Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
      its about time people learned to stop trying to be descent human beings and eat their damn toast!!!

      Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
      because a conventional fridge light bulb does not function efficiently in below freezing temperatures when covered by a layer 4 inches thick of frost buildup...

      Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
      i do...

      Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
      i wouldnt know... ive never had a man poke my in the bum...

      Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
      because you cant tell them otherwise...

      Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??
      yes... dreams are constructs of the mind... they do not require physical eys, but rather an imagination... so perhaps blind people have human traits...

      If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
      testical...


      If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
      vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

      babies...

      If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
      electricity does not come from electrons, electrons are fundamental subatomic particles that carry a negative electric charge... so perhaps morons carry subatomic quantities of morality...

      Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
      why doesnt it??

      Stop singing and read on . . . . . .. . . . .

      Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

      *NEWSFLASH*: your breath stinks...

      Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
      no...
      Last edited by anton...; 05-19-2007, 08:34 PM.

      sigpic

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      • #4
        http://forums.denverbroncos.com/showthread.php?t=93918

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by aberdien

          Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
          My Uncle who used to work on elevators told me that pushing a button more than once will make it come to your floor faster!!!

          Not that the speed of the elevator itself changes, but the elevator will go to the floor with the most calls first!!! Same thing with cross walks...soooooo...push that button as many times as you want...


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          • #6
            im only doing that once...


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            • #7
              That was nearly two days ago..jeez.

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