Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Your laugh of the day from me. :)

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Your laugh of the day from me. :)

    So, here's the story. . .

    Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage,
    a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large
    insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then
    arranging to have her killed.

    A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious
    dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.'


    Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for
    snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.

    The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he
    wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's
    insurance money.

    Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the
    man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested
    inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept
    the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

    A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local
    Super Wal-Mart store. There, he surprised her in the produce department
    & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands & as the poor
    unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor........

    The manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto
    the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol'
    Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

    However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured
    by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard,
    who immediately called the police. Artie was caught & arrested before he
    could even leave the store.

    Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed
    the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with
    the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.

    The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared ...




    (You're going to hate me for this ... )






    'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00
    AT WAL-MART!'
    *2011 BCMB Locker Room Division I League Champion*
    *Voted; 2013 & 2015 BCMBA's Scariest Mod*
    *Voted; 2014 BCMBA's Best Avi and Most Friendly*



  • #2
    sorry eb.....it's too early to read very long jokes


    sigpic


    FA Targets: DT Jason Jones, DT Pat Simms, S Reggie Smith, LB Dan Connor



    :cool:

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by getlynched47 View Post
      sorry eb.....it's too early to read very long jokes
      Then promise you'll come back to it later?!?! It is worth it!!
      *2011 BCMB Locker Room Division I League Champion*
      *Voted; 2013 & 2015 BCMBA's Scariest Mod*
      *Voted; 2014 BCMBA's Best Avi and Most Friendly*


      Comment


      • #4
        :doh::brick::hammer::devil:
        Originally posted by Broncoholic3233
        FF is awesome!

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by ebsoria View Post
          Then promise you'll come back to it later?!?! It is worth it!!
          Oh I read it...........it was pretty funny.

          But I'll come back and re-read it in about 4 hours and it will be HILARIOUS :salute!:


          sigpic


          FA Targets: DT Jason Jones, DT Pat Simms, S Reggie Smith, LB Dan Connor



          :cool:

          Comment


          • #6
            Dont try this at home

            Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning.

            He got to thinking about things, and asked, "Mommy, why does Daddy have so little hair on his head?"

            "He thinks a lot, dear" replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a such good answer to her husband's baldness.

            "Then why do you have so much hair?" asked Little Johnny.


            A book I wrote

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Cutler'stheMan View Post
              Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning.

              He got to thinking about things, and asked, "Mommy, why does Daddy have so little hair on his head?"

              "He thinks a lot, dear" replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a such good answer to her husband's baldness.

              "Then why do you have so much hair?" asked Little Johnny.



              Good one. I tried to give ya lovin but I guess I gotta spread it a bit first.
              *2011 BCMB Locker Room Division I League Champion*
              *Voted; 2013 & 2015 BCMBA's Scariest Mod*
              *Voted; 2014 BCMBA's Best Avi and Most Friendly*


              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Cutler'stheMan View Post
                Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning.

                He got to thinking about things, and asked, "Mommy, why does Daddy have so little hair on his head?"

                "He thinks a lot, dear" replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a such good answer to her husband's baldness.

                "Then why do you have so much hair?" asked Little Johnny.


                I love little Johnny jokes!


                "If you had a dollar," quizzed the teacher, "and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?"

                "One dollar." answered little Johnny

                "You don't know your basic math." said the teacher shaking her head, disappointed.

                Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my daddy."

                Comment


                • #9
                  Didja hear about the canibal who passed him brother in the woods....?
                  *2011 BCMB Locker Room Division I League Champion*
                  *Voted; 2013 & 2015 BCMBA's Scariest Mod*
                  *Voted; 2014 BCMBA's Best Avi and Most Friendly*


                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by ebsoria View Post
                    Didja hear about the canibal who passed him brother in the woods....?
                    WHOA!! Thats pretty rough of him.

                    I got a cannibal joke also.

                    3 adventurers are deep in the jungle when they are captured by a savage cannibal tribe, they are informed they must pass an unknown test or else they would be eaten. If they succeed, they will be set free.

                    First they are told to go out in the jungle and pick 10 pieces of the same type of fruit.

                    So all three search the jungle for fruit.

                    The first man comes back with apples, he is told he must shove each piece of fruit up his butt while making no expresion whatsoever.

                    He gets 2 Apples up before wincing, and he is killed.

                    The second man returns with berries, he is told to do the same, he gets all the way to 9, then bursts out laughing, and is killed immediatley.

                    The first and second man are waiting to get into heaven and the first man asks, "Why did you laugh? You we're home free."

                    The second man replies, "Oh, couldnt help it, I saw the last guy coming back carrying pineapples."
                    A book I wrote

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Cutler'stheMan View Post
                      WHOA!! Thats pretty rough of him.

                      I got a cannibal joke also.

                      3 adventurers are deep in the jungle when they are captured by a savage cannibal tribe, they are informed they must pass an unknown test or else they would be eaten. If they succeed, they will be set free.

                      First they are told to go out in the jungle and pick 10 pieces of the same type of fruit.

                      So all three search the jungle for fruit.

                      The first man comes back with apples, he is told he must shove each piece of fruit up his butt while making no expresion whatsoever.

                      He gets 2 Apples up before wincing, and he is killed.

                      The second man returns with berries, he is told to do the same, he gets all the way to 9, then bursts out laughing, and is killed immediatley.

                      The first and second man are waiting to get into heaven and the first man asks, "Why did you laugh? You we're home free."

                      The second man replies, "Oh, couldnt help it, I saw the last guy coming back carrying pineapples."

                      Nice!!!!!! How 'bout this-

                      Three guys get caught by a tribe deep in the jungles. THey get tied to a pole in the middle of the camp. As the evening ceremonies begin the chief goes to the first guy and askes- "Death or Namdinamdi?!?!"

                      The man thinks about it, but not wanting death he replies- "Namdinamdi..." The other two guys watch as the first man is "abused through the back door" with no mercy. He get's returned to the pole and the chief turns to the second man and askes- "Death or Namdinamdi?"

                      The second man thinks about it. ALso not wanting ot die he says- "Namdinamdi...." He befalls the fate of the first man and get's returned.

                      The chief turns to the thrid man and says- "Death or Namdinamdi?" The third man in a very cocky manner juts his chin into the air and says- "DEATH!"

                      The chief turns to the tribe as they all go crazy and yells- "DEATH!!!!......



























                      ... by NAMDINAMDI!!!!!"
                      *2011 BCMB Locker Room Division I League Champion*
                      *Voted; 2013 & 2015 BCMBA's Scariest Mod*
                      *Voted; 2014 BCMBA's Best Avi and Most Friendly*


                      Comment


                      • #12
                        The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to try out for the job.

                        "Okay, honey," the sheriff drawled, "What is 1 and 1?"

                        "Eleven," she replied.

                        The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but she's right." Then the sheriff asked, "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?".

                        "Today and Tomorrow," she replied.

                        He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. "Now, listen carefully, who killed Abraham Lincoln?", asked the sheriff.

                        The blonde looked a little surprised herself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."

                        The sheriff replied, "Well, why don't you go on and work on that one for a while?"

                        So, the blonde wandered over to the beauty parlor, where her buds were waiting to hear the results of the interview.

                        The blonde was overjoyed. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          A woman is feeling down after a long and difficult break up and feels she needs to get back in the dating scene.

                          So she puts an advertisement in the newspaper saying she wanted a man who would never hit her, who would never run away from her, and who could satisfy her.

                          Two days later she hears a loud thumping on the door, opening it she sees a man with no arms and no legs.

                          He says, "You see, I have no arms, I couldnt possibly hit you, I have no legs, so I could never run from you."

                          She replies "But I also said I wanted a man who could satisfy me."

                          He answers "How the hell do you think I knocked on the door?"
                          A book I wrote

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Cutler'stheMan View Post
                            A woman is feeling down after a long and difficult break up and feels she needs to get back in the dating scene.

                            So she puts an advertisement in the newspaper saying she wanted a man who would never hit her, who would never run away from her, and who could satisfy her.

                            Two days later she hears a loud thumping on the door, opening it she sees a man with no arms and no legs.

                            He says, "You see, I have no arms, I couldnt possibly hit you, I have no legs, so I could never run from you."

                            She replies "But I also said I wanted a man who could satisfy me."

                            He answers "How the hell do you think I knocked on the door?"
                            Oh.... good one!
                            *2011 BCMB Locker Room Division I League Champion*
                            *Voted; 2013 & 2015 BCMBA's Scariest Mod*
                            *Voted; 2014 BCMBA's Best Avi and Most Friendly*


                            Comment


                            • #15
                              A husband and his wife were walking through the woods when they came upon a cabin.

                              They heard a noise from within the cabin so they decided to go in a check it out.

                              Inside they saw a man sitting on the floor in robes and a turban.

                              They questioned the man and he said he was an all powerful genie.

                              They asked if they could have their 3 wishes and the genie agreed but had a request of them first.

                              "Would you mind if I could sleep with your wife sir? Its been so long since ive been with a woman. If you could allow me this I would be more than happy to grant your wishes".

                              The man talks to his wife and they both agree.

                              An hour or so later they are finished.

                              The genie comes out of the cabin and begins to walk away.

                              "Hey!" the man says. "Arent you going to grant us our 3 wishes?!"

                              To this the genie responds "Arent you a little old to be believing in genies?"

                              O_o
                              LET 'ER BUCK!!!
                              Adopted by: Peanut, Chazoe60, CanDB, RealBronco and JakeNbake

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X