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Some Chuck Norris facts.....

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  • Some Chuck Norris facts.....

    -Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

    -Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

    -Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

    -The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

    -Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

    -Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

    -When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

    -Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.

    -Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a ****ing Indian.

    -In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

    -There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

    -If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

    -When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

    -CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.

    -Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

    -Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

    -Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.

    -Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.

    -Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

    -Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

    -Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

    -Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

    -Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

    -Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

    -Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.

    -There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.

    -Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

    -Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

    -A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

    -When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

    -Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)

    -When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.

    -How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.


  • #2
    Jack Bauer could kick Chuck Norris' @$$

    Mile High Manning Fivehead Bandwagon #98


    • #3
      Originally posted by SM19
      According to the theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can kick you yesterday.

      Chuck Norris used to train in the Sahara Forest.



      • #4
        some of those are really good


        • #5
          Originally posted by silver_black
          some of those are really good



          • #6
            were you inspired by this?
            Chuck Norris AOL Messager



            • #7
              Originally posted by silver_black
              were you inspired by this?
              Chuck Norris AOL Messager

              I liked that picture.



              • #8
                That Chuck Norris bit is about as old as the internet itself.


                • #9
                  when chuck was fifteen he had sex with every nun in a tuscany nunery....9 months later those nuns gave birth to the 1972 miami dolphins

                  Chuck norris lost his virginity before his father did

                  Chuck norris once ate 10 15 pound steaks in an hour,.,,,he spent the first 45 minutes having sex with the waitress....

                  Chuck norris doesnt go hunting becuase hunting implies a chance of failure....chuck norris goes killing...

                  chuck norris bet a concrete wall in tennis

                  Got ipod- 2004

                  Oh! this one time i saw a blimp!


                  • #10
                    Haha, I lvoe the Chuck Norris facts...


                    Sig made by me. Click top sig to view my Graphics Portfolio.

                    There are three things you can expect in life:

                    1. Death
                    2. Taxes
                    3. The Ball Being Picked Off by Champ Bailey


                    • #11
                      I loved the ending of dodgeball when ben stillers character gets all fat again and then his last words are

                      "f#%$##@ Chuck Norris"
                      the space that is mine

                      We miss 'ya brother dime. We know your up there jamming with Cliff and Chuck. Stay metal :salute: :rockon:


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by The Dark Knight
                        That Chuck Norris bit is about as old as the internet itself.
                        wow it was new to me.

                        freakin hilarious. . . my favorite has to be the one about the 72 dolphins that alan added.

                        anyone ever seen those texas ranger clips on conan obrien? the one where the kid jumps off the ladder and then the guy (was it chuck?) who was telling him to jump moves out of the way so the kid busts on the ground is perhaps the funniest thing i've ever seen. . . . except maybe for rusty the narcoleptic dog:
                        Last edited by mattos; 03-03-2006, 07:20 PM.
                        go broncos
                        share the sidewalk
                        liberty > safety . . . ron paul '12!


                        • #13
                          I want to know what the hell is it with Chuck Norris all of a sudden. Not only here, but everywhere! Out of no where does everyone start posting this.
                          Last edited by LoyalSoldier; 03-03-2006, 07:15 PM.
                          "Some people in this world make things happen, some people in this world know what happened, but most people wonder what happened."


                          • #14
                            Haha, thanks for all the Chuck Norris additional posts

                            I don't know how this became a popular topic on the internet, but it is pretty funny



                            • #15
                              F***in Chuck Norris!