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Entire Bronco starting line-up injured. (comedy)

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  • Entire Bronco starting line-up injured. (comedy)

    While unloading our cameras for today’s Bronco training camp we noticed a few things. One, a triage set up on the side of the field where Red Cross nurses were looking over dozens of people, upon closer inspection these people turned out to be almost every single Denver Bronco including every starter. The second thing we noticed was head coach Mike Shanahan in shoulder-pads and cleats putting on a helmet, along with the rest of the coaching staff and trainers, he had this to say:

    “Well our players kept getting injured, started with Dorsett Davis but I was not too worried, I mean, who the hell is Dorsett Davis? Then Bell went down which caused some alarm, I had that little episode where I tried to kill myself but we are now confident in Griffin, then Walls went down… then… errr… everybody else pretty much.”

    By “everybody else” he indeed meant everybody else, almost every player went down, Shanahan continued:

    ”Well really all we have left is Bradlee Van Pelt and Willie Middlebrooks, but we’re not too worried, Coyer and I are suiting up and are planning to play out the season, I always wanted to try center and Coyer can run the 40 in 4.2 seconds. Granted, that was 45 years ago, but I’m sure he will fill in nicely for Bailey.” We then asked his opinion on who could possibly play the rest of the positions he responded excitedly:

    ”It’s pretty genius actually, quarterback will be filled in by either Van Pelt or the ball throwing machine, right now I prefer the machine. Willie can fill in at corner back on defense and wide receiver on offense, but for the rest of the positions I had a great idea. Cheerleaders! That’s right, I was watching them practice and they were doing all these crazy high kicks and stuff, so I yelled ‘Think fast!’ and started throwing balls at them, they actually caught a few! So they should fill in nicely for wide receiver, the offensive line, the defensive line…. Line backers…. Half-back…. Well, everything really.”

    We then headed to the front office to see what GM Ted Sundquist had to say on the situation, as we entered his office a chair flew by our heads and was punctuated by Mr. Sundquist screaming “We’re &$#*ed!” over and over. We felt it would be a good time to leave.

    On another note Coach Shanahan wanted us to pass on his message. He is calling on fans to come try out for the Broncos, it is required that you have held, seen or come in any sort of contact with a football sometime in your life.

    UPDATE: The ball machine was just named starting quarterback over rookie Bradlee Van Pelt.

    By: EMCF

  • #2

    You're joking, right? Actually, a ball throwing machine's a good idea.

    Elvon Millervil eat grues for breakfast.

    Pey-Pey to Bey-Bey for the Tey-Dey.