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T.O a Buc! FOX thinks so!

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  • T.O a Buc! FOX thinks so!

    Not that I care,,,but!

    It is with great regret we must exhume the initials most of you are sick of. Owning up to my responsibility, I blame the Bucs.

    They reportedly are interested in signing Terrell Owens. Before we go any further, I apologize for breaking a vow to never mention his name again.

    That came with the provision that it might be unavoidable under certain circumstances. Like if he ran for president or landed with a team near you. Since the only social program T.O is interested in is massive aid to himself, it must be the latter.

    ESPN reports Tampa Bay is hot for T.O. That was painfully predictable, as is what will follow.

    Wherever he goes, Owens will say he's learned his lesson and will be a good soldier. Drew Rosenhaus will then elbow his way to the microphone and refuse to answer any questions. There will be a public outcry, and commentators will scream the team is crazy, morally bankrupt or both.

    I'd like to do that, but what's the point? It doesn't matter what you, me or Pat Robertson says. The Bucs are going to do what they think is in their best interests.

    So go ahead and assume Jon Gruden is already designing plays for T.O. The Cardinal Rule in sports is if a guy can produce, some team will give him a job. Gruden is Father Flanagan with a visor.

    Sometimes it works. Michael Pittman has been a model citizen since he got out of jail. But you get the feeling the Bucs would have signed Uday and Qusay Hussein if they could have run like Ronde and Tiki Barber.

    Chris Simms has already endorsed bringing in Owens, saying there's enough team leadership to keep him from going T.O. Simms apparently hasn't spoken to Donovan McNabb recently, much less read arbitrator Richard Bloch's 38-page ruling.

    When Bloch upheld Owens' suspension, he cited "unparalleled detrimental conduct." The Bucs knows T.O. has enough baggage to fill a cargo ship. Gruden also knows what it's like to have an egomaniacal wide receiver in the locker room.

    He ran off Keyshawn Johnson two years ago. But Gruden never believed Me-Shawn was all that good.

    He thinks T.O. could almost single-handedly cure the offensive funk Tampa Bay has been in since 1976. If only he wasn't an unparalleled team-wrecker, everything would be fine.

    Most people think the best way to keep Owens in line is to back-load any deal. But if a $50 million contract made him pout, he's not likely to stay content with a lower salary and higher incentives.

    Oops, there we go trying to argue the obvious. Because the Bucs or some team will inevitably be blinded by T.O.'s talent, the best we can do is offer some contractual provisions:

    No more sleeping through team meetings.

    No more parking in handicapped spaces.

    No more wearing Brett Favre jerseys or questioning your quarterback's sexual preference.

    No more insisting the team provide a fireworks display and congratulatory call from the White House after every touchdown catch.

    For every sit-up you perform while being interviewed in your driveway, you will donate $10,000 to charity.

    For every time you refuse to talk to your coach or teammates, you will scrub the locker room showers with a toothbrush.

    If Rosenhaus gets within 100 feet of team headquarters or any TV camera, the team reserves the right to shoot him.

    I'd like to say I'm kidding. But ask the Eagles whether they wish they'd thought of these things before signing Owens.

    Better yet, the Bucs should ask them.

    David Whitley can be reached at [email protected].

  • #2
    Well Galloway is old but w/e