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  • Raider Nation still ranked at the bottom

    Latest U.N. Report Shows Raider Nation At Bottom Of Human Development Index Rankings
    Sports News • Sports • NFL Football • ISSUE 49•35 • Aug 30, 2013

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    NEW YORK—According to a new report published Friday by the United Nations Development Programme, Raider Nation has for the fifth straight year held the lowest position in the Human Development Index rankings.

    Taking into account such factors as health, education, and poverty, the report stated that the Human Development Index value of Raider Nation is 0.302, far below the global average and indeed at the very bottom of the 187 territories surveyed by the international organization.

    “The empirical evidence is definitive in demonstrating what are, unfortunately, very obvious and disturbing issues in this isolated portion of the world,” said UNDP administrator Helen Clark. “As the HDI statistics show, the average adult in Raider Nation has a drastically low number of years of formal education, an incredibly meager income, and a very short life expectancy. And these numbers are only getting worse each year.”

    “Frankly, the conditions in Raider Nation are nothing short of disgusting and abhorrent,” Clark continued. “This is not a crisis that will simply resolve itself. The situation requires millions, perhaps even billions of dollars in humanitarian aid so these people can receive the help they so desperately need.”

    Clark told reporters that Raider Nation lags hopelessly behind in virtually every major statistical category measured by the Human Development Index, adding that the population is deprived access to even the most basic human needs such as adequate clothing, shelter, food, and sanitation facilities.

    “If you compare Raider Nation to a modern first-world metropolis like Denver or San Francisco, for instance, the difference is night and day,” said Clark. “U.N. workers have attempted to provide much-needed assistance to the area, but unfortunately the inhabitants of Raider Nation are incredibly hostile and belligerent toward outsiders.”

    “To truly solve the litany of social and economic problems plaguing Raider Nation, the first step is improving their education, which is worse than the likes of Mali, Sierra Leone, and Nigeria,” Clark added. “The 12 percent literacy rate among Raider Nation adults is simply unacceptable.”

    According to experts, since its founding in 1960, Raider Nation has experienced a notably tumultuous history. Apart from a brief period in the 1970s and early 1980s, the entire population has reportedly been subjected to decades of hardship, and thousands have witnessed horrific atrocities firsthand on a near-weekly basis.

    Additionally, sources confirmed that a significant portion of Raider Nation was displaced amid mass upheavals in 1982 and 1995, leaving millions as helpless refugees.

    “This is a place where assault is commonplace, where even the most basic rules of civilized society do not apply,” said Clark, noting that the shockingly high mortality rates in Raider Nation are of especially grave concern. “Many view them as a boorish and barbaric people, and though they have some customs that may seem bizarre to the outside world, the fact remains that they are suffering in total squalor and are incredibly frustrated with their situation. These people just can’t continue with such a dreadfully substandard quality of life.”

    “But tragically, the rest of the world has essentially completely ignored them since 2002,” Clark added. “It’s as though they don’t even matter in the slightest.”

    Clark told reporters that although Raider Nation’s HDI value has shown some small signs of improvement over the last decade, the population is still rife with skyrocketing rates of unemployment. The area is also reportedly ravaged by gang warfare and high crime rates, as well as unbridled drug and alcohol abuse.

    Clark particularly stressed the dire need of humanitarian aid for those in the most downtrodden region of Raider Nation, dubbed by many as “The Black Hole” for its rampant violence and appalling levels of overcrowding.

    “Many see The Black Hole as a lost cause, but we cannot give up on them,” Clark said. “While they may be the most economically and educationally disadvantaged in Raider Nation, they’re still human beings.”

    “Just look at them,” added Clark, showing reporters photographs of those who occupy The Black Hole. “It’s so sad.”

    Reached for comment, leaders of Raider Nation released a statement to reporters reading, “RAIDERS 4 LIFE SUPER BOWL THIS YEAR ***** WATCH OUT!”
    http://www.theonion.com/articles/lat...ttom-of,33682/
    :lombardi:2019 Adopt-A-Bronco: Dr. Dre'Mont Jones
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  • #2

    ...........
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    • #3
      They play in Oakland, which is like pork: "The other city by the Bay".

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      • #4
        Some Vegas books are giving them 60- 1 odds that they don't finish the season .
        *2011 BCMB Locker Room Division I League Champion*
        *Voted; 2013 & 2015 BCMBA's Scariest Mod*
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        • #5
          Originally posted by ebsoria View Post
          Some Vegas books are giving them 60- 1 odds that they don't finish the season .
          I would die laughing....
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          • #6
            Raiders- 1-15>>>> #Teddy Bridgewater!!!
            BB.

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            • #7
              http://www.cbssports.com/nfl/eye-on-...eir-team-loses

              Study shows NFL fans get fatter after their team loses
              By Will Brinson | NFL Writer
              September 5, 2013 8:14 am ET

              Keep a close eye on your cholesterol, Raiders fans. A new study shows that fans of losing NFL teams tend to be more obese than fans of winning teams.

              Via For the Win's Nate Scott, we learn of Pierre Chandon, the L'Oreal Chaired Professor of Marketing, Innovation and Creativity at INSEAD Business Schoool, and his study of NFL fans and their chunkalicious responses to defeat.

              “One day after a defeat, Americans eat 16 percent more saturated fat, and 10 percent more calories," Chandon writes. "But on the day after a victory of their favorite team, then it's the opposite. They eat more healthily. They eat 9 percent less saturated fat, and 5 percent fewer calories. There was no effect in cities without a team or with a team that didn't play."

              So the more your team loses, the more you gorge. And there's actually some interesting stuff in the full study (.PDF). Essentially Chandon and Yann Cornil excluded holidays and focused in on Monday responses to Sunday games over two seasons to come up with a 475 game sample.

              Hardly enough football to be 100 percent conclusive, but interesting nonetheless.

              "Study 1 showed that saturated-fat consumption and food-calorie intake increased on Monday in cities whose NFL teams had lost their Sunday game but decreased in cities with victorious teams," the pair write.

              I'd be curious to find out how this holds up with fantasy teams. I'm absolutely devastated the Monday or Tuesday after a bad loss in fantasy football or when my NFL picks. ("WHERE DID I GO WRONG?" is easier to think in your head when you're stuffing pizza in your face.)

              And I'd also like to know how this works with college fans. The combo of your team losing on Saturday and Sunday is enough to spark a buffalo wing binge.

              Regardless, this isn't good news for the health of the nation in certain spots of the globe.
              Topics: Will Brinson, Oakland Raiders, NFL
              :lombardi:2019 Adopt-A-Bronco: Dr. Dre'Mont Jones
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              • #8
                We'll be back. When? Not this year, thats for sure.

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                • #9
                  http://edition.cnn.com/2013/08/07/tr...rticle_sidebar

                  Oakland #3 least friendliest city in the world. I guess that's what happens when your football team sucks for a decade.
                  :lombardi:2019 Adopt-A-Bronco: Dr. Dre'Mont Jones
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