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On the lighter side: Chicago Bears Timeline (1960 - present)

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  • On the lighter side: Chicago Bears Timeline (1960 - present)

    Chicago Bears Timeline (1960-present)

    1960: Behind Bill George, Doug Atkins, and Richie Pettibon, the Monsters of the Midway wreak havoc on the NFL, leading to several felony charges, but no convictions. Good news, the Bears nearly crack the top 10 in offense; bad news, there are only 13 teams in the league.

    1961: Bears acquire QB Billy Wade from the Rams to end their quarterback woes. Controversy erupts after a game at Wrigley Field, when the Rams accuse coach George Halas of putting poisonous snakes in their lockers.

    1962: Bears improve to 9-5, despite 24 INTs from franchise quarterback Wade. Centenarian coach George Halas is unofficially credited with three quarterback sacks when the refs aren't looking.

    1963: Bears win the World Championship! No doubt the first of many over the next five decades.

    1964: Bears lose 9 of 14 games behind aging Bill Wade. They pick up Rudy Bukich to end their QB woes. Coach Halas is accused of setting fire to the Vikings locker room at halftime.

    1965: Bears draft Gale Sayers AND Dìck Butkus. Sayers plays halfback, runs back kicks and punts, catches passes, and works the concession counter at halftime, but the Bears still miss the playoffs. Opposing players begin bringing extra pants to the game because Butkus is beating the crap out of them.

    1966: QB Rudy Bukich deftly guides the Bears to a 5-win season. Off-season physical reveals Bukich suffers from an unusual eye condition wherein all jerseys appear the same color.

    1967: Bears pick up franchise QB "Classy" Jack Concannon (#1 draft pick of the AFL in 1964), thus ending their quarterback woes. Dìck Butkus is indicted on numerous charges of Mayhem, but juries refuse to convict. George Halas retires after almost two centuries of coaching, playing, and spitting on opposing players.

    1968: Concannon finally lives up to his hype by throwing fewer than twice as many interceptions as touchdowns. Off-season physical reveals he suffers from Bukich Eye Disease.

    1969: Bears draft All-American Bobby Douglass as their franchise QB. At last, their quarterback woes are over. Douglass can reportedly "throw the ball out of the stadium" which he does during several games, occasionally on screen passes. Bears lose 13 games and the coin toss with Pittsburgh for first draft choice (really).

    1970: Bears experiment with leaving the defense on the field for one entire game, since they are more capable of scoring than the offense. Butkus is ineffectual at QB, but no one will tell him. Sayers comes back from knee injury to lead the NFL in rushing, despite playing behind an offensive line defenses refer to as "The Red Carpet."

    1971: In the draft, the Bears pass over linebacker Jack Ham for running back Joe Moore, who will go on to rush for nearly 300 yards in his NFL career. Gale Sayers suffers his second knee injury and football is never the same.

    1972: Bears pass over Franco Harris to draft offensive lineman Lionel Antoine. Dìck Butkus leads the team in every defensive category despite having had his knees removed in the off-season. Bobby Douglas rushes for nearly 1,000 yards, mostly with his helmet ripped off.

    1973: Bears draft Gary Huff to end their quarterback woes.

    1974: Bears pass over Lynn Swann and Jack Lambert for Raymond Bryant and Dave Gallagher. Halas complains about the rising cost of player salaries: "Soon, I'll be out over $100 a week!" Rumors surface that the Bears score a touchdown via something called the "forward pass," but this in unconfirmed.

    1975: Bears draft Wayne Wheeler over John Stallworth; however, the Bears also draft running back Walter Payton, who declares he'll make fans forget about Gale Sayers. We don't, but we'll never forget Sweetness, either.

    1976-1978: In three seasons, QB Bob Avellini manages to throw for more yards than Payton rushes--barely. Bears hire Neill Armstrong as their head coach, figuring if he can walk on the moon, he can do anything.

    1979: Bears pick up franchise QB Mike Phipps. At last, their quarterback woes are over. Phipps passes for 1 more TD than INTs, prompting Bears fans to check the NFL rulebook to see if that's legal.

    1980-81: Bears bring in QB Vince Evans, who manages to throw half as many TDs as INTs.

    1982: Bears select Mike Ditka as their head coach. Ditka causes controversy by slapping a player in the locker room with his glove and threatening to shoot him unless he gets back on the field. Bears also pick up franchise QB Jim McMahon. Finally, their QB woes are over.

    1983: Bears finish at .500. Downtown Chicago closes for ticker-tape parade.

    1984: Bears win division for first time since Hoover Administration.

    1985: The Chicago Bears field the most feared team in football history. Quarterbacks throughout the league have their life insurance suddenly cancelled. In three playoff games, the first-team defense gives up only 3 points--on a fumble deep in Bears territory. Sorry, Miami: THIS is the greatest team in the Super Bowl era. Since the Bears have the 2nd-youngest team in the NFL, it will no doubt be the first of many championships over the next two decades.

    1986: In a bitter divorce settlement, Buddy Ryan gets the Bears 46 defense. Bears win about three dozen games but lose at home in the playoffs.

    1987: See 1986.

    1988: See 1987.

    1989: Bears trade McMahon, but they draft franchise QB Jim Harbaugh to keep their quarterback woes at bay. Starting QB Mike Tomczak bets he can lead the Bears to the playoffs.

    1990: The Bears return to the winning column behind Harbaugh who throws for 10 TDs, one of the highest totals in Bears history.

    1991-1993: Bears success is short-lived, and soon they slide into mediocrity, despite hiring new coach Dave Wannstedt and his moustache.

    1994: Bears acquire #1 pick Steve Walsh as their franchise QB. At last, their QB woes are over. Walsh quickly matches Harbaugh's 10 TD passes in a single year.

    1995: Bears acquire Lion's QB Erik Kramer to end their QB woes. Amazingly, he turns out to be good.

    1996-97: Kramer turns out to be not all that good.

    1999: Bears start QBs Shane Matthews, Cade McNown, and Jim Miller in an attempt to end their quarterback woes.

    2000: The Bears ring in the millennium by finishing dead last in the division. On the bright side, QBs Cade McNown and Shane Matthews throw nearly a dozen TD passes and end with a passing rating well into double-digits. ' '

    2001: Lowly draft pick QB Jim Miller leads Bears to 13-3 season. A championship is clearly just around the corner.

    2002: Lowly draft pick Jim Miller leads Bears to 4-12 season. A championship might not be just around the corner.

    2003: To end their QB woes, Bears acquire 2nd-round pick Kordell Stewart. Unfortunately, off-season physical reveals Stewart suffers from Bukich Eye Disease.

    2004: Bears hire head coach Lovie Smith, figuring any man named "Lovie" has got to be tough. Combined, the Bears QBs bring back memories of the glory days of the 1970s quarterbacks.

    2005: Bears draft franchise quarterback Rex Grossman in first round to end their QB woes. And sure enough, the Bears win division behind Kyle Orton, who comes within one pass of the magic 10 touchdown throws for a season.

    2006: Grossman returns and leads the Bears to a loss in the Super Bowl. Return man Devin Hester accounts for 104% of Bears scoring. Clearly, a championship is just around the corner.

    2007: Rex Grossman and Brian Griese lead Bears to 3rd-place finish in division. Off-season physical reveals Grossman suffers from Intermittent Bukich Eye Disease.

    2008: Midway through the year, the Bears are near the top of the league in scoring and would be undefeated, except the coaches apparently feel bad about winning close games. Starting QB Kyle Orton's stats drop precipitously when he plays the 2nd half of season on one leg. The Bears lose the last game of the season, and their playoff spot, when the defense shows up at Soldier Field instead of Houston.

    2009: The Bears trade their starting QB, three high draft picks, and $800 million in Federal stimulus money to acquire Denver franchise QB Jay Cutler. At last their QB woes are over. In his debut, Cutler throws interceptions to Packers defensive backs, defensive linemen, and a hot dog vendor. Rumors swirl that he suffers from Bukich Eye Disease. Time will tell.
    Last edited by ExBearFan; 10-24-2009, 11:57 AM.
    Respect...it's earned, not given.

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  • #2
    Nice This must have taken quite a while to put together.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Hoserman117 View Post
      Nice This must have taken quite a while to put together.
      A lifetime, actually.
      Respect...it's earned, not given.

      sigpic

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      • #4
        Yeah they got lucky with the Butkus pick. Denver had also drafted him that year in the AFL, but since he was from Chicago he went with the Bears.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by John Denver View Post
          Yeah they got lucky with the Butkus pick. Denver had also drafted him that year in the AFL, but since he was from Chicago he went with the Bears.
          I did not know that!
          Respect...it's earned, not given.

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          • #6
            Say, why not do a little "more" research and do some of the history before 1960...

            Yeah, I thought so.

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