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  1. #361
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Ozarks
    Posts
    13,493
    What does a Carolina Panthers fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?

    He turns off the Video Game
    My Boss is a Jewish Carpenter

  2. #362
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Posts
    8,785
    One day a biker dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil…
    Satan: “Why so glum?”
    Biker : “What do you think? I’m in hell!”
    Satan: “Hell’s not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?”
    Biker : “Sure, I love to drink.”
    Satan: “Well, you’re gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that’s all we do is drink. Bombay Sapphire, tequila, Guinness, red wine, single malt scotch. We drink ’til we throw up and then we drink some more! And you don’t have to worry about getting a hangover, because you’re dead anyway.”
    Biker : “Gee that sounds great!”
    Satan: “You a smoker?”
    Biker : “You better believe it.”
    Satan: “All right! You’re gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world, and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, no biggie, you’re already dead, remember?”
    Biker : “Wow…that’s awesome!”
    Satan: “I bet you like to gamble.”
    Biker : “Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do.”
    Satan: “Good,’ cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, it doesn’t matter, you’re dead anyhow.”
    Biker : “Cool!”
    Satan: “What about Drugs?”
    Biker : “Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don’t mean…?”
    Satan: “That’s right! Thursday is drug day.. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want. You’re dead so who cares.”
    Biker : “Wow! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!”
    Satan: “You gay?”
    Biker : “No……”
    Satan: “Ooooh, Fridays are gonna be tough……”
    Last edited by Saddletramp; 08-03-2019 at 02:58 AM.
    http://i93.photobucket.com/albums/l7...amp69/asdf.jpg
    And yes it is a scheme problem.
    Adopted player Lindsey

  3. #363
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Posts
    8,785
    http://i93.photobucket.com/albums/l7...amp69/asdf.jpg
    And yes it is a scheme problem.
    Adopted player Lindsey

  4. #364
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Posts
    8,785
    http://i93.photobucket.com/albums/l7...amp69/asdf.jpg
    And yes it is a scheme problem.
    Adopted player Lindsey

  5. #365
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Westminster, CO
    Posts
    9,760
    Apparently, it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethnic minority, so here goes!:
    An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Taiwanese, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turkish, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all go to a nightclub.

    The doorman stops them and says, 'Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai.'
    Last edited by Peanut; 11-25-2019 at 04:16 PM. Reason: Corrected a word.

  6. #366
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    9,783
    Superbowl 50 MVP Von Miller on February 7th, 2016

  7. #367
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Posts
    8,785
    Game show.
    Host: " Choose between:
    A: spending the rest of your life with your wife or;"
    Contestant: "B!!!!"
    http://i93.photobucket.com/albums/l7...amp69/asdf.jpg
    And yes it is a scheme problem.
    Adopted player Lindsey

  8. #368
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    9,783
    Superbowl 50 MVP Von Miller on February 7th, 2016

  9. #369
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    7,811
    Did my wife think I'm sexually unsatisfying?

    A small part of me says yes.

  10. #370
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Westminster, CO
    Posts
    9,760

  11. #371
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    Vermont, native of Colorado
    Posts
    9,546

    spring is far away sadly.....

    What kind of music do Santa's Elves like????






    Wrap

  12. #372
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    7,811
    Does anyone remember the movie “Constipation”? Of course you don't because it never came out.

  13. #373
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Westminster, CO
    Posts
    9,760

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