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  1. #136
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    Nov 2006
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    Quote Originally Posted by prez View Post
    a guy goes 2 a halloween party wearing only pants , a girl asks him....what are u dressed up as.... he answers , oh , i just came in my pants
    lol.... thats a good one.

  2. #137
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    Dec 2007
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    norwoodville , USA
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    Quote Originally Posted by 12and4 View Post
    lol.... thats a good one.
    not so sure that i like that you like that one

  3. #138
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    Dec 2007
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    just messin with ya dude.....

  4. #139
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    Nov 2006
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    I don't get why he didn't use proper english to say "I just showed up in my pants"

  5. #140
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Pensacola, Fl
    Posts
    414
    I hope these jokes arent out of line and I end up getting an infraction or something.





    A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.

    The bartender screams at the guy, "Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table -- whole!"

    "Sorry," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for everything."

    The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves.

    Two weeks later, he's in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his *beep*, pulls it out and eats it.

    The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

    "Yeah," replies the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first."















    A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:

    Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
    Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
    Hand Job: $10.00

    He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender.

    "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.

    "Yes," she purrs. "I am."

    "Well, wash your frickin' hands," says the man. "I want a cheese sandwich!"
    Last edited by Topgun; 03-03-2011 at 10:18 AM.
    2012 Adopt-A-Bronco: Elvis Dumervil

  6. #141
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    Vermont, native of Colorado
    Posts
    9,513
    You need a sense of humor to work in a nursing home ~ that is for sure.


    MY PRIVATE PART DIED


    An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home.
    One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.

    Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong.
    'Yes, Nurse Tracy ,' said Mr. Wallace.

    'My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.'

    Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, 'Oh, I'm so sorry,
    Mr. Wallace. Please accept my
    condolences.'

    The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out of his pajamas.

    He met Nurse Tracy. 'Mr. Wallace,' she said, 'You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that. Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas.'

    'But, Nurse Tracy I can't,' replied Mr. Wallace. 'I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.'

    'Yes,' said Nurse Tracy , 'you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?'





    'Well,' he replied, 'Today is the viewing.'

  7. #142
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    Vermont, native of Colorado
    Posts
    9,513
    At The Bar

    Two women were sitting next to each other at a bar.

    After a while, one looks at the other and says, 'I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland.'

    The other woman responds proudly, 'Yes, I sure am!'

    The first one says, 'So am I! And where about in Ireland are ya from?'

    The other woman answers, 'I'm from Dublin, I am.'

    The first one responds, 'So, am I!! And what street did you live on in Dublin?'

    The other woman says, 'A lovely little area. It was in the west end. I lived on Warbury Street in the old central part of town.'

    The first one says, 'Faith, and it's a small world. So did I! So did I! And what school did ya go to?'

    The other woman answers, 'Well now, I went to Holy Heart of Mary, of course.'

    The first one gets really excited and says, 'And so did I! Tell me, what year did you graduate?'

    The other woman answers, 'Well, now, let's see. I graduated in 1964.'

    The first woman exclaims, 'The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same pub tonight!

    Can you believe it? I graduated from Holy Heart of Mary in 1964 me self!'

    About this time, Michael walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer.

    Brian, the bartender, walks over to Michael shaking his head and mutters, 'It's going to be a long night tonight.'


    Michael asks, 'Why do you say that, Brian?'

    Brian answers, 'The Murphy twins are drunk again.'



  8. #143
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Ville of Rose, NorCal
    Posts
    18,342
    Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?


    They're very bitter.
    *2011 BCMB Locker Room Division I League Champion*
    *Voted; 2013 & 2015 BCMBA's Scariest Mod*
    *Voted; 2014 BCMBA's Best Avi and Most Friendly*



  9. #144
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Ville of Rose, NorCal
    Posts
    18,342
    What did the cannibal do after he had dumped his girlfriend?


    Wiped his butt....
    *2011 BCMB Locker Room Division I League Champion*
    *Voted; 2013 & 2015 BCMBA's Scariest Mod*
    *Voted; 2014 BCMBA's Best Avi and Most Friendly*



  10. #145
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Ville of Rose, NorCal
    Posts
    18,342
    What do cannibals make out of politicians?


    Bologna sandwiches.
    *2011 BCMB Locker Room Division I League Champion*
    *Voted; 2013 & 2015 BCMBA's Scariest Mod*
    *Voted; 2014 BCMBA's Best Avi and Most Friendly*



  11. #146
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Chillin at Ingle's
    Posts
    7,023
    What did the one cannibal say to the other cannibal after eating the clown?








    Does this taste funny to you?

  12. #147
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    Sharkdom of Snowdonia,Wales
    Posts
    14,935
    I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'

    - Eleanor Roosevelt

    Adopted Bronco - Emmanuel Sanders

  13. #148
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Posts
    13,470
    Quote Originally Posted by prez View Post
    a guy goes 2 a halloween party wearing only pants , a girl asks him....what are u dressed up as.... he answers , oh , i just came in my pants
    Haha .

  14. #149
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    norwoodville , USA
    Posts
    1,070
    if a tree falls in the forest and lands on al davis does anybody care?

  15. #150
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    norwoodville , USA
    Posts
    1,070
    i heard theres a new porn movie out 4 battlestar galactica fans..........its called "this is what sex looks like geek"

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