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  1. #1
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    Anyone suffer from Depression or know someone that does ?

    I found out a few weeks ago that my gf of 9 months suffers from depression.

    She can be fine most of the year but she'll have a month or 2 where she goes off the rails.

    She has a good life and a really promising nursing career which she enjoys but this is affecting her badly.

    3 weeks ago she cut up her arms and legs really badly and I had to get an ambulance round, she spent a few days in hospital. Then she did it a few days later and because it was done with a razor the police got involved and she ended up kicking out at them and had to spend the night in a cell.

    Then a week ago she took 42 paracetamols and had to go to hospital. She got released then took a few more and now she has to spend a week with a counselor at a secure unit.

    She is the most caring and wonderful girl I have ever met and she say's she has no idea why she gets these urges sometimes and does this but wants to sort it out and try to get on medication.

    She also lives alone and seems to have the same routine all the time which I don't think helps. I told her whether she likes it or not I am moving in with her and am going to take charge, I've been far too soft with her and she needs someone to move her life forward.

    I think part of it is because she is so caring and feels pressure to please her family and other people she gets in a bad way.

  2. #2
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    Sometimes that dark part of us surfaces when we least expect it. It's hard to explain and almost impossible to recreate

    I am 23 years old and grew up with alcoholics as parents. They also had other issues we wont get into. They took it out on me and my and siblings. Granted it wasn't the worst, and could have been significantly worse. It effected myself and my siblings pretty greatly and we all have a few issues and complexes in result.

    There are times when I myself get so depressed I push the verge of suicide. That point is hard to get to and hard to recreate. When I get there I want nothing else but to say to heck with it. But something or someone pulls me back to earth then it dissipates like a bad odor. Then I can go days, months, even years before feeling it again. Then I think back to how silly it was.. then randomly it resurfaces.

    People who say depression is not a real issue is kidding themselves. Mental health is no different than physical health. If something is hurt or broken then you will feel every bit of it. Don't try and understand her or force yourself to be the "cure" to her problems. Just love her. Support her. And let her know she's not alone.

    Depression has to be fixed alone almost 99.9% of the time. You just have to be her cheerleader and her backup

    good luck my friend.

  3. #3
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    I am not an expert in this field, so any advice I give may be off the mark......but I certainly recommend professional help.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by CanDB View Post
    I am not an expert in this field, so any advice I give may be off the mark......but I certainly recommend professional help.
    If I may..

    Coming from my past and many things I've tried. I do want to let it be known if therapy is available or within budget to do.. Go for it. Therapy makes a world of difference and so many people (including myself) think of a "shrink" or something that is unbeneficial.

    Everyone is different, but as I said if it's available or within budget, give it a try. It salvaged my relationship with my woman who I plan to marry some day and it's definitely helped. If not, know its not the only way. Just like I said. Be supportive.

  5. #5
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    To the OP: That is tough. I know what you're going through. I have a sister who has had a history of cutting herself, and making suicidal threats. The best thing to do is to just be there for her, and that sounds like what you're doing.

    To answer your question: Depression runs in my family...suicide and suicidal threats have been common-place in my family. I had an uncle and cousin take their lives... My dad attempted suicide and made several threats years ago, but thankfully he was never successful. (My dad is much better these days, and has not made any threats in years, thank God.)

    My mom has been chronically depressed for decades, but has not made any threats. She has gone to counseling, she has taken meds, but nothing has been effective for her. My husband and I live with her for the time being, and her attitude on life is just unfortunate. She doesn't have a will to live. She just goes through the motions of day to day life. Her attitude and constant "blah" mood kind of rubs off on my husband and I. The whole aura of our house is just.... depressing. I try to bring joy into my mom's life, but she has a hard time expressing joy or receiving joy.

    Broncoholic JS and I are moving to get our own place this summer, and I think it will do wonders for our mental health and our relationship just to get out of this environment. I hope that one day my mom will find joy and happiness and be able to get out of her depression.... I guess if there's one plus, I could never ever imagine her taking her own life. So it's not something that I worry about.

    I also have other relatives (brother in law, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc) who suffer from depression. It's just sad how I know more people who have depression than not.
    Married to the most amazing member on this board Broncoholic JS.

  6. #6
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    Depression sucks. My dad is currently suffering from depression primarily (IMO and based on hours of stuff i've read on the internet) as a result of years of drug use. This past 2 years has been the absolute worst and most stressful period of my life. He has attempted suicide via hanging but he were able to get him down before it was too late. And once we got him to the hospital and stable he still didn't admit that he had a problem with anything. He continues to threaten suicide for no legitimate reason. I suspect that he does it because it gets him attention. Nevertheless, depression is a difficult thing. I wake up every morning and go to sleep every night fully expecting him to kill himself and it is dreadful. He was on medication for depression and bipolar disorder for a little while post-suicide attempt, but once he read about the medication he felt that he was being controlled and wasn't being himself, so he stopped taking them and things went back to being awful. The worst part is that he doesn't realize that the way he thinks is irrational and illogical, and there's nothing anybody can do about it, it has to be all him. He calls me names, conveniently forgets about all of the help that I have offered and given him, and blames me (and my sisters) for everything. It sucks.

    Anyway, I admire your willingness to stick with your girlfriend and help her out and I hope it works well because that stuff is certainly treatable. I will say though that it will be incredibly trying and difficult (as you already have figured out) and will require tons of mental toughness on your part. Hoping for the best.


  7. #7
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    Yes. It's part of a medical situation I have. Sometimes it's hard to get out of bed.


    To those of you who have a loved one with depression. Please remember, it's not your fault. Nor, is it your responsibility to cure them. Be supportive, definitely. But you're not the cure. I hope you understand what I mean when I say that. I hope they get professional help.

    Denver Mike, me, too. Both parents were alcoholic. I'm an only child. Yeah. Isolation. If you ever need/want to talk, PM me.

    To all: Hugs. It's hard.


    Side note: I'm hoping that no one takes this conversation into an area that would get the thread closed or moved.
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  8. #8
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    I suffer from major depression. Nothing makes me happy, at best I can be content for small periods
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  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peanut View Post
    Yes. It's part of a medical situation I have. Sometimes it's hard to get out of bed.


    To those of you who have a loved one with depression. Please remember, it's not your fault. Nor, is it your responsibility to cure them. Be supportive, definitely. But you're not the cure. I hope you understand what I mean when I say that. I hope they get professional help.

    Denver Mike, me, too. Both parents were alcoholic. I'm an only child. Yeah. Isolation. If you ever need/want to talk, PM me.

    To all: Hugs. It's hard.


    Side note: I'm hoping that no one takes this conversation into an area that would get the thread closed or moved.
    This is what I was going to say. Depression is a very serious mental health issue but one that needs professional help. While love ones can be supportive and helpful, it is not the love one's responsibility to be the cure or the ones to fix it.

    I too have suffered from depression all my life and wanted others in my life to fix it and to take care of it. When people around me stopped doing that, when people around me forced me to get professional help, that's when I finally got better.

    It's similar to addiction. When people stop doing things that enable the alcoholic or drug addict to continue to drink, it forces them into recovery.

    Best of luck to you and your girlfriend Bronx 2003.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by HUMCALC View Post
    I suffer from major depression. Nothing makes me happy, at best I can be content for small periods
    I'm sorry to hear this. Your post hit me in the gut really hard. Have you tried to get help?

  11. #11
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    To Bronx_2003…. I'm not a doctor of course…. but the cutting I think can be part of a compulsion. I don't know if your girlfriend has ever been treated for OCD… or if she even has OCD, but I hope she is able to speak to a medical professional about it.

    OCD is an anxiety disorder, not a mental disorder. I think being plagued by it, however can lead to bouts of depression. I'm sure she appreciates how much you care for her.

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  12. #12
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    Sometimes. At one point I realized one of the supplements I was taking was making it worse and I only realized like a month ago.

    At this point I'm just living right now. Not really happy or sad.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by broncoslover115 View Post
    I'm sorry to hear this. Your post hit me in the gut really hard. Have you tried to get help?
    I have and am currently taking an anti-depressant, but they don't work for me. I don't have the $ to talk to therapists, nor do I have anyway of getting there. I do think that depression is a natural side-effect of my being a quadriplegic, though
    Last edited by HUMCALC; 03-23-2014 at 01:32 PM.
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  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by HUMCALC View Post
    I have and am currently taking an anti-depressant, but they don't work for me. I don't have the $ to talk to therapists, nor do I have anyway of getting there. I do think that depression is a natural side-effect of my being a quadriplegic, though
    I didn't know that. Thank you for being able to share that. I wish therapy wasn't so damn expensive or hard for you to get there. Wishing you the best.

  15. #15
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    Hi, thanks for the concern.

    Not good I'm afraid.

    The last month has consisted of her being fine for a few nights then doing something..... cutting her arms/legs/neck, taking pills, and harming herself in other ways.

    She goes for a walk around midnight to try and calm down before this illness washes over her but the walk is down a busy highway a metre from speeding cars.

    I just got a call from the police station. She got arrested last night for having a weapon on her. She was walking between speeding cars at midnight carrying a knife. she would never harm anyone, its just to harm herself.

    members of the public called the police because it was a matter of time before a car killed her. they took her to the station and run some tests, she took some legal but dangerous poppers before the walk.

    they told me she is going to court tomorrow morning (in 8 hours) where she will be released with a caution then she is free to go home...... she has said she doesnt want me or anyone else with her but theres no way thats happening. im going to court and then staying at her place for as long as i need to, i will call work in the morning and tell them...... she will always come first.

    i'm looking into getting her committed to a mental health asylum for a few months or however long she needs. she will hate me and probably end the relationship but that doesn't matter, i just need her to get help

    i haven't cried for a long time but the last 2 nights i cant stop, even as i try and type this and it probably doesn't make sense.

    i know its a matter of time before i get a call saying she's killed herself

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