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  1. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by johntbronco View Post
    Awesome! Congrats!
    thx John!!

    (I have no questions....)

  2. #17
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    So Peanut......any thoughts about my "lengthy" response? I know I can be off the wall at times, but does any of it 'ring' true, to you?

  3. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Al Wilson 4 Mayor View Post
    How many years?
    Longer than I thought it would last. We had some very shaky times.

    Quote Originally Posted by CanDB View Post
    Sorry I missed this post earlier.

    Very good question, and you might know the answer better than I actually do. But let me give it a shot....

    At some point, once you get far beyond the initial "glow" that often comes with a special relationship, which is often when you will do anything for your partner because you care that much, there may come a time when it is not as seemingly perfect. When maybe we've had some harder times together. When we may have lost some of that glow. I believe that, what happens after that point, is crucial. Do we try hard or do we take the other person for granted? Do we overlook the so called flaws or imperfections that may be annoying to us, or do we start to lose interest? Do we make sacrifices when we really don't feel the need? Do we keep showing affection/interest or do we spend our time elsewhere, or not paying attention? Do we choose to be as classy as we can, or do slide into a dangerous path of disrespectful behaviour, or at minimum, rudeness and inattentiveness?

    This is just my take, and what I have just laid down may not be relevant to others. They may wonder if in fact, I have a great partnership. Lets me just say, I am trying to assess from what I have not only experienced, but what I have observed with others.

    I digress. Before I go too much further, there are two sides to this of course, so this is not about one person's take. It would be incredibly interesting if you could ask my wife the same question. I might be shocked to hear here side, and even more so, why she has been so loyal, and kind, and supportive.

    Anyway....I feel like, if we get to that crossroad situation described above, when the initial energy and feelings may be different, I believe many of us realize that we are indeed lucky, and that we love our relationship, even with imperfections. And most of all, we become the best of friends. And the very thought of not being together would be extremely difficult, possibly life ruining.

    P....I think those of us who have been partnered for many years have had our "moments". We need to be mature enough to handle those moments, and use them wisely. And we need to forfeit any of those little things that are not worth worrying about. And if we're lucky, all the good outweighs that other stuff, and the key factors that help bond a relationship are ingrained in our daily lives.

    I believe there is some luck for sure. Not every person can forgive, and sometimes rightfully so. Some mistakes can not be forgotten.

    But definitely I believe there is a lot of maturity/wisdom involved. There seems to be a constant monitoring in place that keeps telling us the score, and for those of us lucky ones, the score in favour of the partnership is always better than the score against. And quite possibly, once you realize that in itself, the chances of long term success get better and better, because there are very few, if any, surprises to deal with. You've experienced most of everything, and you realize you love it the way it is. It may not be even close to the same as when you first had a crush on that person, but it has grown into something much more meaningful.

    Hey, maybe it's simpler. Maybe we are just meant to be together. But I don't think it quite that way, although there may be some merit to it. No doubt we need to have some key bonding characteristics. But I also I believe we have an active role, and that we have to make the right decisions along the way, to preserve what we have, and to prove how much we care, from time to time. And if that means just being great friends for a while, that's all good....because if you can keep the friendship, there is no telling how great you can keep the relationship.

    Sorry.....you know me, say more when you can say less.
    Thank you for your thoughtful response. Lots to think about.

    So basically, you're talking about choices? Choose to look for the good. Choose to overlook some of the (unimportant) annoyances. Learn to handle situations with maturity and wisdom. Relationships take work, but enjoy the journey.

    I know that's simplified, but I hope I got most of what you're talking about.

    Quote Originally Posted by CanDB View Post
    So Peanut......any thoughts about my "lengthy" response? I know I can be off the wall at times, but does any of it 'ring' true, to you?
    I read your post when we got home yesterday (went to the beach for a couple of days), but I wanted to re-read it before replying to you.
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  4. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peanut View Post
    Longer than I thought it would last. We had some very shaky times.



    Thank you for your thoughtful response. Lots to think about.

    So basically, you're talking about choices? Choose to look for the good. Choose to overlook some of the (unimportant) annoyances. Learn to handle situations with maturity and wisdom. Relationships take work, but enjoy the journey.

    I know that's simplified, but I hope I got most of what you're talking about.



    I read your post when we got home yesterday (went to the beach for a couple of days), but I wanted to re-read it before replying to you.
    No worries. I was curious what you thought....not concerned about when you got back to me. I was more than happy to offer my opinion, but even I had to reread a couple of times!!!

    I believe you've been married a long time, so I was wondering if I hit any of the sweet spots from your perspective.

    And yes, you've summarized my comments very well. But when I took another look at my response, I did wonder if it sounded a bit tough. Hey, I believe most of us who have been together for a number of decades have gone thru some "imperfect" times together. But the great news is that we are lucky to have many important common values and we seem to be able to cope with things that might not sit well with others. With all my flaws, I am extremely lucky that one person could tolerate me that way.

    But yes, I do believe we must work at it, like everything good in our lives. And in my case, and that of so many others, the work is hardly any work at all!

  5. #20
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    Nov 2005
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peanut View Post
    Longer than I thought it would last. We had some very shaky times.



    Thank you for your thoughtful response. Lots to think about.

    So basically, you're talking about choices? Choose to look for the good. Choose to overlook some of the (unimportant) annoyances. Learn to handle situations with maturity and wisdom. Relationships take work, but enjoy the journey.

    I know that's simplified, but I hope I got most of what you're talking about.



    I read your post when we got home yesterday (went to the beach for a couple of days), but I wanted to re-read it before replying to you.
    IMO, that's the big thing, especially for young couples. Young women in particular.
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  6. #21
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    One more thing that I believe helps to keep a relationship strong "for long" is the complete acceptance of who your partner is as a person, and being able to let them be as much of themselves as they can be. And by that, I think of letting them be silly whenever silly is necessary. That may include singing or dancing with wild abandon, or making goofy faces, or whatever it takes. Because as mature as we need to be for the most of our adult lives, there has to be complete acceptance of the inner self of our partner, and that includes the fun, the goofy, and everything that makes that individual who they are.

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